5 Secrets of the ESFJ Personality (A complete guide)

In this brief guide, we will take a look at some of the secrets of the ESFJ personality, as well as other things about ESFJs like ESFJ famous people, ESFJ characters in fiction, and ESFJ compatibility with INTJ personality.

ESFJ Secrets

Some of the biggest secrets of ESFJ are the fact that they are very sensitive and they want to be accepted into the environment around them just as much as they accept it, but it is likely that they won’t admit this right away, because they may not want to be a “bother”.

This personality is all about caring and giving, and they usually go to any lengths to make sure the people around them are taken care of and happy, and they do cheerfully and happily, and will not let you feel like they are inconvenienced in any way and no one ever feels guilty when they are being taken care of by an ESFJ.

The biggest ESFJ secret may be that they are rather insecure on the inside; sure they are always taking care of people and always seem cheery, but the fact is the ESFJ might secretly have this innate need that they may not even be aware of, to care due to deep insecurity and fear of being abandoned, and they need people so much that they choose to do what they would like to see from them, which is caregiving.

Let us look at the details of some of the more prominent ESFJ secrets below.

ESFJ Secret 1: They take things personally

This shouldn’t really be an ESFJ secret really, given how sensitive these people seem, but many people don’t realize that under that super-cheerful front is a big soft heart that can hurt at the slightest criticism or conflict.

ESFJs tend to take things rather personally and this may actually be the reason behind them being so careful when they themselves give any criticism because they are thinking of the other person in the exact same way as they would want to be thought of.

This is why, if you must critique an ESFJ, make sure you do it with something that spells agreement or affirmation simultaneously, and if it feels like they have gotten offended or hurt despite that, it may be because it is a particularly sensitive nerve and you should make sure you stop that discussion there, else you may hurt them further.

ESFJ Secret 2: They need help too

This may be the biggest ESFJ secret of all, and one that they may very much want everyone who loves them to know.

The ESFJ is always helping others and trying to take care of everyone, forever the gracious host or hostess, bringing everyone drinks so they have a merry old time, but the truth is that these people need spoiling and being taken care of more than any other personality type, and their caregiving is the method they choose to ensure that they get the same in return.

The ESFJ personality is a lot like Enneagram type 2 in this regard, they may be driven by the need to form the kind of caring connections they so crave by doing exactly the same to other people, which is, caring.

ESFJ Secret 3: They have deep values

The ESFJ has an extroverted feeling function, which is less value and tradition-based than the introverted feelings, but the ESFJ secretly is quite deeply entrenched with values and beliefs.

The ESFJ’s big secret is that thought their well-formed ideas are determined externally, they are very strong and they are not shy about expressing any of their opinions about these values should there be a need to do so at any point.

The ESFJ values and morals are formed based on the world around them, and they are maintained against an internal value system, and if there is any discrepancy, they can discard their values as well, but this may take a lot of effort and they will try to salvage their beliefs first.

ESFJ Secret 4: Vibes affect them a lot

This may be a slightly well-known ESFJ secret, compared to others, but a lot of people may also not know that the ESFJ has the dominant function of Extraverted Feeling, which apart from enabling them to understand others around them, can also make them feel the vibes of everyone in the room.

The ESFJ is seamlessly able to gauge how everyone is thinking and feeling, which is usually great but may pose a problem sometimes too.

For instance, when the ESFJ is around people who are far too negative, they may start to pick up these vibes and feel the same way.

The secret ESFJ needs to know about this function is that whenever they start to feel really bad about something for no reason, they should check the people and environment around them, and sometimes a change in these factors can immediately start to make them feel better.

ESFJ Secret 5: They can be Ritualistic

Due to the introverted sensing function, the ESFJ secretly may be quite ritualistic, though this ESFJ secret may be hidden from the ESFJ themselves.

The ESFJ has an innate need to find the positive things in everyday life and sometimes to make sure this happens, they may do things that have provided the positive results in the past, over and over to get the same result.

The introverted sensing function creates organized maps in the ESFJ’s cognition using the information they collect from the outside world, which is what makes the ESFJ value “traditions” rather highly. 

This function is also the secret of the ESFJ talent of being so sentimental about things like birthdays and anniversaries because to them it is a chance to recreate a joyous moment in their lives and those of others around them.

ESFJ Famous People

  • Nancy Kerrigan
  • Alicia Keys
  • Shania Twain
  • Mariah Carey
  • Whitney Houston
  • Elton John
  • Sarah Jessica Parker
  • Jessica Alba
  • Selena Gomez
  • Alyson Hannigan
  • Jenniffer Garner
  • Anne Hathaway
  • Hugh Jackman

ESFJ Characters

Here is a list of some great fictional ESFJ characters:

  • Diana Barry (Anne of Green Gables)
  • Margaret Hale (North and South)
  • Effie Trinket (The Hunger Games)
  • Sophia Burset (Orange is the new black)
  • Ferdinand Lyle (Penny Dreadful)
  • Jenna Rink (13 going on 30)
  • Jane (27 Dresses)
  • Clarke Griffin (The 100)
  • Lumpy Space Princess (Adventure Time)  
  • Angie Martinelli
  • Francine Smith )American Dad)
  • Ekaterina Alexandrovna Shcherbatskaya (Kitty) (Anna Karenina)
  • Marie (Disney’s The Aristocrats)
  • Lumiere (Beauty and the Beast)
  • Eleanor (Disney’s Brave)
  • Donna Noble (Doctor Who)

ESFJ Compatibility with INTJ

The ESFJ compatibility with INTJ is of quite a great deal of interest due to their complementary functions or extroverted feeling and extroverted thinking as well as their functions of introverted sensing and introverted intuition, which may be grounds for a potentially successful relationship.

It has been seen that INTJ and ESFJ have great compatibility which is seen in their fun-loving, optimistic, and yet still serious type of approaches to their personality.

ESFJs have bubbly personalities, and one may find them talking and taking care of others all the time, whereas the INTJ might be more serious, bringing a little structure to the ESFJs life along with more gravity, which they can always use.

INTJs tendency to be structured and rigid most of the time can also benefit from being loosened up somewhat by the ESFJ tendency to be upbeat and outgoing.

The traits of INTJ and ESFJ  help each other out by mellowing out the more intense traits they each have.

As another instance, the ESFJ has a tendency to take of everyone and promises togetherness which INTJs can lack at times, and can therefore benefit from.

The ESFJ can show amazing maternal attributes, even the men, and this works well for the INTJ.

On the other hand, the INTJ is known for its action-oriented but quiet approach and they get things are done, which can tame the flighty nature of the ESFJ.

Additionally, the ESFJ and INTJ are both quite a value and tradition-based, so they have a very important thing of values and beliefs in common, which is usually where compatibility tends to come undone in any relationship.

INTJs also need a tonne of space and quiet solitude, but the energetic attitude of the ESFJ may sometimes interfere with that, which can often make the INTJ feel exhausted, and they might want to communicate these needs at the beginning itself so that they don’t have clashes on this issue, as it can easily be circumvented.

On the other hand, the ESFJ may sometimes get frustrated with their INTJ partner, given their innate need for the same kind of compassion they show others, which they may not necessarily get from their INTJ partner in exactly the same way as they show.

If you’re facing this, it may be a good idea to seek the help of a therapist or other mental health professional. You can find a therapist at BetterHelp who can help you learn how to cope and address it.

For these particular problems and mismatch in communication, it would benefit the ESFJ and INTJ in a relationship to take the Languages of Love quiz, which tells the couple how the other person shows love because there are so many ways of doing it.


While there are a lot of ESFJ females represented in both fiction and a lot of them among the famous people in the world, there are few ESFJ males, likely due to the caregiving and stereotypically female-oriented behavior attributed to the ESFJs usually, but ESFJ males very much exist and they are some of the best people to have around.

Firstly, according to a Reddit thread on this topic, it would seem that to find a representation of ESFJ male in fiction, one need only look at a European caricature of a man, who is boisterous, loves to hang out with others, drinks, and parties merrily, while also looking after everyone around him and calling everyone “love”, and is essentially the male version of the manic pixie dream girl trope for women.

The typical ESFJ male may be extremely cheesy and wear his heart on his sleeve.

The ESFJ male might also not be able to hide his emotions very well and he may be extremely affectionate and loving with anyone he cares about. 

Like other ESFJs, the ESFJ male will be selfless and giving and may have the need to be cared for and doted on as well.

Sometimes the ESFJ male may also see things in black and white and ignore the gray, which is again something that may be expected due to the introverted sensing functions.


In this brief guide, we took a look at some of the secrets of the ESFJ personality, as well as other things about ESFJs like famous ESFJ people, ESFJ characters in fiction, and ESFJ compatibility with INTJ personality. Please feel free to reach out to us with any questions or comments you may have.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs): ESFJ Secrets

Who is ESFJ attracted to?

ESFJ is attracted to anyone with complementary functions of extroverted thinking or extroverted feeling, like INTJ or ISTJ

What stresses out an ESFJ?

The ESFJ may get stressed out by challenges that involve a threat to their values or beliefs.

The typical ESFJ may also find themselves stressed out by the presence of things that threaten their social system.

What type of personality is ESFJ?

ESFJ is a type of personality in the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. 

The ESFJESFJ personality type tends to be outgoing, loyal, organized and tender-hearted, and they love being around people.

The ESFJ also gains most of their happiness and energy from interacting with other people. 

How do you annoy ESFJ?

Here are 5 ways that may annoy an ESFJ:

Lateness; the ESFJ can be very structured
Lack of Following through on promises
Messiness, ESFJ likes to be neat and aesthetically pleasing.
Being Taken Advantage Of.







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