Enneagram 8w9 & Romantic Relationships

This article will not only introduce the type 8w9 enneagram to the readers but also comment on it’s love life! It will take a closer look at its behaviour in relationships and the good and bad traits it brings into the relationship.

Enneagram 8w9 & Romantic Relationships

Here are some good and bad traits the type 8w9 enneagram brings into romantic relationships:

  • Give Attentions To Their Partner’s Needs
  • Protective
  • See Different Perspectives
  • Spending Time
  • Temper Issues
  • Stubborn
  • Emotionally Detached

We will look at all these traits in a bit! Before that, we will introduce the type 8w9 enneagram!

Enneagram 8w9: The Diplomat

This enneagram type is confident and patient but at the same time protective and will strike if required. However, compared to type 8 enneagrams, they are more gentle and easy going. They prefer to remain calm and stress free when it comes to tasks that are due or responsibilities that they have – it is better to remain calm rather than fret about what one needs to do!

At the same time, these enneagrams enjoy the independence they have and dislike taking orders from other people, especially authority figures. They want to do things their own way in a manner that is easy and comfortable for them. It’s my way or the highway for them! Whether its work, school or any program they are enrolled in, they want to be able to have the liberty of engaging in self paced courses that allow them a great deal of flexibility; they appreciate programs or systems where they are given the end goal and given the freedom to pursue it in a manner that is acceptable to them.

However, this type of enneagram also has issues related to their emotions – especially the regulation of emotions. They do not feel very comfortable expressing their emotions to others possibly because of the fear they have – they do not want to be controlled or manipulated by others. Hence, they will not always express how they feel about someone or something and keep this to themself.

Basic Fear – The 8w9 Enneagram

The basic fear of the type 8w9 enneagram – which extends to women as well – is to be hurt by others. Hence, they like to avoid situations where they are not in control and are at more risk of being let down by others, manipulated or deceived or emotionally damaged. They like to occupy leadership positions that not only gives them the leverage they need but it sends a message to others to not mess with them!

The Desire of 8w9 Enneagrams

Their basic desire is often expressed when they assert independence from a very young age! They want to be in control of their own future and make decisions that satisfy their needs and wants. This enneagram desires to be independent and resourceful enough to guard themself against threats or any sort of harm!

One of the things these individuals do to seem strong is to build walls around them. They do not express their emotions honestly because they feel that by doing so they will appear weak! They often deny emotional vulnerability as well!

Enneagram 8w9 & Romantic Relationships

In this section, we will take a closer look at the type 8w9 enneagram and the traits – good and bad – they bring into the romantic relationships where they are deeply involved with their significant other!

Give Attentions To Their Partner’s Needs

This is an important trait the type 8w9 enneagram brings to relationships they are intimately involved in. they realize the importance of not only recognizing their partners needs but paying attention to them so that they can help fulfill them. The enneagram under discussion is one that cares about their partner and their needs.

Fulfilling your partners needs can go a long way in a relationship. Afterall, we are human beings and what works is anything that fulfills our needs in an acceptable manner. Hence, when partners care for each other and their needs, it ensures smooth functioning of the relationship. These needs can be physical, emotional and mentally stimulating. Nonetheless, if needs are being fulfilled, only then can the relationship truly grow!

Thus, this is an important trait that the type 8w9 brings to the table in a relationship and it is one that ensures the relation flows smoothly and can grow!


These enneagram types are very protective of their partners. They do not want them to be hurt in any way and hence try to not only fulfill their needs but ensure no one or anything harms them. 

They are constantly on the lookout for their partner; they want to make sure that wherever they work or study they are safe in every manner possible. The 8w9 enneagram is not hesitant to show others they will go the extra mile for their partner.

Although this could be a trait that could go sour if the enneagram type 8w9 becomes overprotective, it is indeed an important trait that makes their partner feel safe and comfortable because they have someone they can count on. If they are ever in trouble, they can just give their partner a call and he will be there! Having such a relationship not only increases dependency on each other but also increases the love and trust between two people.

See Different Perspectives

This is a great trait to have in any relationship. People are different. They always have different views, desires, needs and hobbies. They may even have different tastes when it comes to food or entertainment. Nonetheless, it is all about accepting the differences and navigating through them that allows relationships to flourish. 

The type 8w9 enneagram is one that understands the differences. They wont go on a rant on how stupid a particular culture or belief system is nor will they throw much questions at a person who chooses a certain profession, degree or any type of choice for that case just because they don’t agree with it. Rather they will try to understand why things are that way and how they can be more accepting of it. In some cases, they may offer their own view but never criticize the other perspective unless they have a deeper understanding – which of course takes time!

Spending Time

Yes, time is very important. It is more valuable than money – in most cases. The type 8w9 realizes this and ensures they spend ample time with their partner – not because they have to but also because they enjoy doing so.

The type 8w9 enneagram wants to spend time with their partner because they are happy this way and it brings them much satisfaction. They genuinely like the person they have chosen to be with and want to make the most out of the time they have together. Such an attitude, compared to one where partners don’t have time for each and express that without much guilt, is way more prosperous for a relationship!

Temper Issues

The type 8w9 does have issues with their temper and that is because they have a hard time dealing with their emotions and may not regulate them well. Also, they usually invest a lot in their relationships and become sensitive or emotional if their expectations are not fulfilled.

This is not a good trait to bring to the table. It is important to control one’s anger especially in an intimate relation where the other person is highly dependent on you. It might scare them or make them feel insecure with you – this decreases trust.


This enneagram type is indeed stubborn and so it is difficult to make them change their mind. They might make a decision and stick to that regardless of the consequences they or their partner face. This is not at all a good trait to bring to a relationship. Why? The relationship they are in is an intimate one that involves much emotion, intimacy and trust and not being flexible can not only make the other person extremely upset but also distrustful. Afterall, relationships can become complex and not all issues are easy or simple to explain or discuss and one can make mistakes. 

Emotionally Detached

This enneagram type sometimes remains emotionally detached because not only do they have issues with regulating their emotions but they prefer to keep some distance so as to not get hurt. Although this may seem beneficial in the short term, it does much damage in the long term especially if the other person is quite involved.

If you’re facing this, it may be a good idea to seek the help of a therapist or other mental health professional. You can find a therapist at BetterHelp who can help you learn how to cope and address it.


This article took a look at the type 8w9 enneagram’s involvement in romantic relationships and explained how they behaved in them while highlighting good and bad traits as well. The article also introduced this enneagram in detail by talking about its traits, fears and desires.



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