Are control freaks narcissists? (5 ways to spot one)

In this article, we will answer the following question: Are control freaks, narcissists? We will describe the narcissist control freak type and teach you how to deal with a narcissistic parent, friends, partner, or boss. 

Are control freaks narcissists?

Most control freaks are narcissists. Control freaks are those people who can’t stand the idea of someone doing things other than to their advantage. 

Control freaks and narcissists hate – and they try to avoid it by all means – feeling weak or showing fragility precisely because deep down, this is how they think: they have low self-esteem, even though they do everything possible to hide it so much themselves as well as others.

A narcissistic person is characterized by showing an arrogant behavior: they tend to exaggerate their achievements, knowledge, and abilities, fantasize about great successes, feel special and unique, and believe that only those of their status is worthy of being related to them.

This type of person needs to continually receive the admiration of others and exclusive and unique treatment; they are obsessed with their opinion. If they are not recognized or criticized, they get angry or defensive, experiencing very intense, even reaching violence and aggression.

All this causes them to establish complicated relationships, which can be classified as toxic due to a fundamental inequality: narcissists seek to develop relationships with people who offer them admiration, affection, and idealization. They feel that their ego is continuously elevated.

Narcissists manipulate the other by admiring their qualities or values, appearing charming and exciting. However, over time, they begin to devalue their positive aspects and react with anger, fury, or rage to anything that goes against their wishes.

When the empath tries to be accepted and loved by the narcissist, the latter, who only needs his love and does not care what the other may need, will seek to manipulate the empath and feel guilty about the existing problems relationship. 

For his part, the empathic, who is compassionate, will try to heal the narcissist by taking and experiencing his pain as his own; In other words, he will try to make up for the misfortunes suffered in his life some way.

When the narcissist begins to mistreat or devalue the empath, the empath will continue to insist and become more hooked on the relationship. If you realize that your affective needs, desires, and illusions are also essential and let you know, the narcissist will label you as selfish. The relationship will become even more complicated. 

If you’re facing this, it may be a good idea to seek the help of a therapist or other mental health professional. You can find a therapist at BetterHelp who can help you learn how to cope and address it.

Interestingly enough certain personality disorders seem to have various traits which define them. Most people wonder if people with borderline personality disorder are perfectionists in the same way we are evaluating if control freaks are narcissists.

Narcissism: A lot of selfishness, zero empathy

Without going to the extreme of meeting Narcissistic Personality Disorder requirements, many people fit this profile, and in your day-to-day life, you tend to agree with them. It can be your boss, partner, or the teacher at your child’s school; Sure, each one shows its particularities, but they all share common characteristics such as exacerbated selfishness and lack of empathy.

Narcissists are not aware of the damage they can cause. Due to the way they act, these people often make others uncomfortable or hurt, but they are so self-centered that it is almost impossible for them to empathize with the suffering, and they are unable to realize the pain they cause.

This narcissistic way of relating neither makes them happy nor does it benefit them. Often these people repeat harmful or unfavorable situations in their lives (partners who leave them, businesses that fail, etc.). Still, they are unable to understand their involvement in their problems and to assume responsibility.

Narcissistic control freaks have emotional blindness. 

They look perfect; they do not conceive that they can make mistakes. If something goes wrong, it will always be others who are to blame. This blindness to their actions prevents them from learning from their mistakes and changing. Again and again, these subjects keep stumbling, since they can’t see that they are the cause of the misfortunes that happen to them.

It is extraordinary, as you can imagine, for a selfish person to come for psychological help. By their definition, seeing themselves perfect, they will never think they have a problem; for them, others have it.

Narcissism is a personality trait that develops from early childhood, and that serves, as we have seen so many times with other different problems, to hide emotional deficiencies. These children have also suffered homelessness, and their personal needs have not been met. Still, instead of sinking and taking refuge inside, as happens to many others, they choose to flee forward, becoming robust and insensitive.

Getting out of this narcissistic control freak role is very difficult since narcissism carries enormous personal benefits in the form of immediate reward. Everyone does what they order, which makes them feel alive. Also, the narcissist is a born controller: he controls his emotions, owns his actions, controls others, so learning to give in, to leave their space to others, is very tricky for them.

The change must come in the form of a crisis that makes these people see the importance of what they are losing, the emotional connection with other people, the power to let go of control, trust others, relax, etc.

How to deal with a narcissistic control freak

Dealing with a narcissistic control freak partner 

The narcissistic control freak will soak in the bath of appreciations and compliments from a partner who finds it difficult to offer him love and self-esteem.

Therefore, it is natural for him to ennoble his partner with countless “psychological goodies.” Still, things get complicated when the subject gets tired. The source of positive feedback can no longer support the narcissist’s needs, who will often resort to seductive behaviors towards other people.

Those who fall in love with narcissists often have tendencies to subjugate, self-sacrifice, and tremendous self-confidence.

They are accustomed to emotional deprivation. Others are always right and do not have an authentic voice, so they express their admiration for the narcissist’s talents, who always seems to be correct and entitled to the last word.

Without specialized support, conflicts in such a couple are resolved by ending the relationship, developing even more harmful patterns of relationships, blocking in a state of helplessness and helplessness.

Fortunately, the possibilities for repairing such a relationship are real, but it requires a commitment to stay in the relationship and follow a relational therapy.

Despite all the adverse childhood experiences, the human brain can change, and the narcissistic personality is flexible and adjustable.

Dealing with a narcissistic control freak at work

Both in friendships and professional contexts, it is essential to make ourselves heard, proving validation, but also self-compassion or self-esteem. The narcissist must listen to that we are suffering and that the actions he has been involved cause us pain.

After an act of narcissism, the healthy message is: “I understand that this is not your intention, but I feel devalued by your actions. I can’t tolerate so much disrespect.

If you are bothered by something I do, you can communicate with me without attacking or ignoring me. We both have rights. I would appreciate it if you would speak to me with more respect, and I will do the same in communicating with you “.

Dealing with a narcissistic control freak parent

When the “king or queen” is one of our parents, the valet’s role or Cinderella remains available. And if His rules or needs are not met, we are blackmailed or emotionally abused.

Often, out of a need for compensation, until adulthood, these children also develop a narcissistic structure, especially if the other parent is not a psychologically balanced model.

Or the children are so indoctrinated by the idea that they have the responsibility to serve their parents, that any upset of others is their fault. This pattern then becomes visible in friendships and couples.

It is a considerable challenge to oppose a narcissistic parent; you need to identify the unhealthy relationship (obedience, self-sacrifice, self-sacrifice) and be aware every time it manifests.

Limits can only be set by developing new self-respect skills and assuming the right to fight for one’s own needs.

The difficulty is also given because we are prone to look for what is familiar to us and respond in an early learned way. Confrontation is challenging but extremely necessary.

The narcissistic parent will not learn to tolerate the child’s maturity until he resorts to an empathic confrontation: the parent’s behaviors are mirrored by a description as straightforward as possible; a gentle but firm refusal stops any exaggerations.

Expressing emotional and relationship needs lead to avoiding criticism or contempt for the narcissistic parent; no matter how tempting the revenge strategies maybe, they will do nothing but activate the parent’s defensive mechanisms.

Who is more narcissistic: men or women?

Although men are more narcissistic than women, many traits are shared. Regardless of gender, they will assault us with an avalanche of opinions, complaints, criticisms, being blind to our reactions.

A woman with narcissistic features is labeled in the circle of friends and acquaintances as a diva, drama queen, fatal woman.

It is difficult to relate to her because she hardly tolerates a lack of approval and emotionally punishes any opinion different or contrary to her views. If she will overlook such a deviation, it is due to her “nobility of soul.”

Indeed, she will never tolerate someone else playing the lead role in a social context; any other woman’s story is mundane and similar to a low-budget film.


Narcissism is a personality disorder that is part of a group of ailments called dramatic personality disorders. Narcissism occurs typically in intense emotional behavior and is often explained as extreme admiration for oneself. 

Extreme jealousy and challenging nature are potential symptoms of a narcissistic control freak. Under the harsh exterior, most people who suffer from this condition are fragile and have problems maintaining healthy relationships.

The recommended treatment for narcissism is usually psychotherapy, although prescription drugs may also be recommended, especially if the underlying narcissism is a series of emotional disorders.

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FAQ on Are control freaks narcissists? 

How does a narcissist behave?

Narcissistic people show an idyllic appearance at first. They are outgoing and fun, with a sweet and courteous treatment. However, as the relationship deepens, their character hardens, and they can become toxic people. It is this that makes before a specific type of people; they can get to hurt.

What are the four types of narcissism?

There are four dimensions of narcissism: leadership/authority, superiority/arrogance, self-absorption/self-admiration, and exploitativeness/entitlement.

Do narcissists know they are hurting you?

In most cases, no, a narcissist will not know that he/she is hurting you.  One of the most notorious characteristics of the narcissist is that he cannot empathize with another person. It generally results in the narcissist being unable to identify with the feelings and needs of others.

References – Narcissistic personality disorder – Narcissistic Personality Disorder – Narcissistic Personality Disorder – How to Recognize Someone With Covert Narcissism

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