Why Am I So Attracted to Him? (Understanding Attraction)

In this brief guide, we will look at the common question “Why am I so attracted to him?” as well as other things people often wonder about when they have a crush on someone or when they are in a relationship.

Why Am I So Attracted to Him?

You may be so attracted to him because he is not paying attention to you, or maybe he seems like the kind of guy that is self-assured and confident, because everyone likes confident people and it is hard to not be attracted to them.

It is easy to be attracted to someone that is charismatic and knows what they are doing, and sometimes these individuals can have the tendency to be very aloof, which only adds to their attractiveness.

Perhaps the most important reason that you are attracted to him may be that he doesn’t seem to be paying you much attention at all, or maybe he’s playing hard-to-get, because most people find the other person most attractive when they feel like they have to fight for them.

Believing that you need to earn the affection or attention of another person instantly makes us believe that there is something to fight for, and often we may also not realize that by being hard-to-get or aloof it might just be that there is something wrong with them, and perhaps we should reconsider a relationship with them.

Feeling like you are so attracted to someone you can’t think straight or focus on much else can feel very overwhelming and it can turn into heartache rather quickly if they don’t seem to be as attracted to you, which sadly, only increases the attraction you feel.

If you are very attracted to someone you are in a relationship with that you feel like maybe the power in the relationship is skewed in some way or perhaps they have the power to leave you without any heartache, that may not be a valid reason to keep chasing after them.

The test of a real relationship is not how attracted you are to each other, but how much you think about the other person, and how much you are willing to try to keep them in your life.

The best thing to do when you are very attracted to someone is to tell them as much, and see if they reciprocate, because if they don’t, you can start to move on, or give them time, if that’s what they want.

Being very attracted to someone, or being more attracted to someone than they are to you, does not make you weak in any way, or vulnerable, if anything it makes you strong because not many people have the capability to be in touch with their feelings enough to know what they want.

On the other hand, if you find that you are always getting attracted to people and feel like maybe no one seems to reciprocate because you feel so attracted so quickly, before you even know the person properly, you may need to consider that you are perhaps too emotionally reactive, and you should consider honing in some of the emotions.

Becoming easily attracted to someone, without even knowing them well, can lead to frequent relationship upheavals which may make you feel like you are always getting so attracted to someone in vain.

What makes you attracted to someone?

Many things get together to make you attracted to someone, and these may include physical, mental and behavioral aspects of the person, as well as your own biological and hormonal tendencies

Being attracted to someone has everything to do with who you are and very little to do with who they are, because it is your own personality that defines who you will eventually want.

This is the primary reason why we tend to be attracted to people who are like our parents, or why we tend to like people who like the same or similar things as we do.

It can seem weird but the fact is, unless we have a well-defined personality ourselves, a relationship, or being attracted to someone, can’t work out well, and with time most interpersonal relationships will break down if we don’t have an accurate idea of self.

This is the primary reason why people with borderline personality disorder have such frequent breakups and relationship breakdowns, and why they constantly find themselves being attracted to different people.

People with an impulsive streak may often experience attraction more so than others, because they are always looking for the next best thing, or the next high, and often they may find something to be attracted to in nearly everyone they meet.

Smell is also a great reason why we get attracted to certain people, as was shown by a study that found that women with certain scents are more attractive to men and the reason for this was because they seemed most appealing when they had high oestrogen and low progesterone levels. 

Smells also play a huge role in who we are attracted to because it has been shown that we tend to be attracted to people with a different immune system than us, which has the primal purpose of making sure that the progeny two people create is superior to them both.

When someone has a different immune system than we do, they smell nicer to us, making them seem more attractive.

We may also find people attractive when they share the same belief systems as us or when they have the same, or similar body type as us, and we are more likely to be attracted to people who have had a similar upbringing to us.

Signs he is Sexually Attracted to You

Here are some signs he is sexually attracted to you:

  • He will make an effort to stand as close to you as possible.
  • He will look into your eyes a lot or hold your gaze all the time.
  • He will try to lean towards you when he talks to you, with his shoulders hunched forward slightly.
  • He will try to find ways to hang out at home rather than go out.
  • He will try to touch you casually, on the arms or shoulders.
  • You might feel him tense up slightly when you go near him.
  • He will flirt with you, a lot.
  • He will smile a lot and try to be cheeky.

If he is in fact secxually attracted to you, chances are he will tell you sooner rather than later, because guys are simply not capable of hiding when they are attracted to someone, and you should probably figure out what you want from the relationship as well.

If he is only sexually attracted to you and does not want an emotional connection, you should figure out whether that is something you want too, because otherwise you are just wasting your time.

Don’t try to stick around because “he might change his mind” or because “he might fall for me”, that never happens, and if a guy is only sexually attracted to you they are not likely to go beyond that if they have said they won’t.

What makes someone attractive? 

If you are in the singles arena, you may wonder what makes a person attractive to see if you have that behavior, so here are some insights from some real people talking about what is attractive regardless of gender:

“A good sense of humour”

“Intelligence and a passion for an interest.”

“A warm smile.”

“No one is more attractive then when they have a genuine smile on their face”

“Yeah exactly. You can meet the most beautiful man/woman ever, absolutely perfect looking, well dressed, the works, but nothing turns me off more than them having a scowl.”

“When the person knows how to make others feel included and valued:

A genuine kindness combined with a gentle sense of humor.”

“Masks have made me notice that a lot of people have very attractive eyes.”

“Empathy.”

“Respect, attention and affection”

“Beautiful eyes and a good sense of humor”

“Good hygiene”

“Dude people who smell good are the hottest”

“Being a good person”

“Good posture. Being hunched over isn’t the most attractive thing in the world. (No offence to people with conditions that force them to be hunched over, I know how tough that can be)”

“To have a stable and healthy ego. Thinking of opposite examples, there are egos to be fed everyday (people who tend to be toxic towards others, repellant kind) and damaged egos (people who became silent/shy people, hidden kind, not the introverts tho). You get the point.

Having the healthier ego would help you both stand out to start a conversation with new people, and keep that conversation/connection you have with people.”

“Being passionate about something!

Also a nice butt”

As one might see from the list above, save for about 2-3 attributes like eyes or intelligence, everything people usually find attractive are traits that can easily be acquired, so if you are a genuinely nice person who is kind to others, you are attractive!

Conclusion

In this brief guide, we looked at the common question “Why am I so attracted to him?” as well as other things people often wonder about when they have a crush on someone or when they are in a relationship.

If you have any questions or comments about being attracted to someone, please feel free to reach out to us at any time.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs): Why Am I So Attracted to Him?

What makes you attracted to someone?

You may be attracted to someone as a result of the influenced by looks, smell, behavior, experience or hormones. Being attracted to someone is not as simple as just appearance, and sometimes it can be due to many other things than just what someone looks, and many people will tell you how often they have thought someone was attractive till they started talking and said something stupid.

What makes a man sexually attracted to you?

Things like what you look like, how you carry yourself, how you dress, and how you talk may make a man sexually attracted to you, and similar things might work for women too.

When men are sexually attracted to you, they may also frequently try to catch your gaze and hold it for an extended period and they may do this to try to radiate confidence and interest in the other person. Most men will try to introduce themselves to you one way or another if they are sexually attracted to you.

Can you be overly attracted to someone?

Yes, you can be overly attracted to someone, and this may be even more possible when you haven’t been with someone in a while, which may cause you to be too receptive to the idea of sexual intimacy.

When you are overly sexually attracted to someone you should probably not rush into things with them, and you should definitely take it slow, because the intensity of your sexual feelings may cause you to have a very primitive or primal approach to things which lead to a dysfunctional attitude towards the person and towards yourself.

Citations

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/201707/why-we-want-who-we-want

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/insight-is-2020/201703/is-it-possible-be-too-sexually-attracted-someone

Divya is currently a Clinical Psychology Trainee in a Master of Philosophy program and holds a Master’s in clinical psychology. She has a special interest in Personality studies and disorders, having researched the subject before, and Neuropsychology; with an additional interest being Mood disorders. She likes to write about Psychiatric issues, having worked in multiple specialty setups during her time as a clinical psychology student, and in her free time she likes to cook and read.

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