Why am I So Desperate for Someone to Love Me? (5 signs + How to fix)

In this brief guide, we will discuss what it means when you feel “I am desperate for someone to love me”, as well as how to stop being desperate for someone to love you and signs that you might be desperate for someone to love you.

Why am I so Desperate for someone to love me?

You may be so desperate for someone to love you because you have the need for company and love, and you may be the type of person that defines their self-worth or self-concept iby how much external positivity they have, including relationships.

Many people have a need to be with someone or have a lot of friends because they have the internal schemas of “if someone doesn’t love me I’m not good enough”, and in this way they may get too hung up on or desperate for someone to love them.

Some people may be desperate for someone to love them because they are constantly hungry for love and desperate for connection, perhaps because they did not receive it as children, or perhaps they had bad interpersonal connections growing up, which has left them starved.

On the opposite end, people who have always been too dependent on their parents or family for love and affection might go looking for it in the outside world as well, when they grow up.

Someone who is desperate for someone to love them may have something of a scarcity mindset, and instead of asking themselves “what is good for me” or “what do I truly need now” or “is this person truly good for me”?, they may constantly be thinking, “Why does no one love me?”

Someone who is constantly hungry for and craving connection, will not see relationships in the right mindset and they may be so desperate for someone to love them that they may even think that a potential partner is going to fill a void rather than really enhance their life.

Being desperate for someone to love you may often also be seen in Borderline personality disorder, as these individuals have a constant fear of abandonment and chronic feelings of emptiness, which make them susceptible to major interpersonal issues.

Someone with borderline personality disorder may be very desperate for someone to love them, but they may still have very emotionally intense relationships that will frequently involve a lot of yelling and shouting matches.

This also shows that if you are desperate for someone to love you, you may have trouble figuring out what you truly want, and this will always make it hard to sustain a relationship of any kind.

Signs you are desperate for love

Here are some signs that you may be desperate for love:

You are always available, and if you are not, you try very hard to be, even if it inconveniences you.

You are clingy, and depend very heavily on others for your emotional needs.

You often drop your standards for who you are with.

You feel the need for constant relationship status updates.

You frequently think or ask “where is this going?”

You need tonnes of compliments to feel good about yourself 

You need constant reassurance from the person you love that they love you

You don’t hang out with your friends much when you are in love or expecting to be in love.

You tend to rationalize bad treatment.

How to stop being desperate for love?

Here are some tips about how you can stop being desperate for love:

  • Spend time with your friends and family
  • Spend time with yourself
  • Learn a new skill
  • Pick up a musical instrument or other creative arts
  • Go for therapy
  • Reward yourself with something tangible each time you don’t act desperate

How to stop looking for love and let it find you?

You don’t have to be desperate for someone to love you, when you stop looking for love it will find you because you will be that much more self-aware and self-loving when you aren’t constantly trying to please others.

Here are some ways in which you can stop looking for love and let it find you:

Don’t wonder if everyone you meet is the “One”.

Some people find it hard to stop talking about wanting to settle down with someone, and they may often forget that you cannot find the one person you want to spend your life with that easily, and not everyone you meet is the one. 

You may have someone like this in your life too, or perhaps you feel this way, but someone who cannot stop evaluating every man they encounter as a potential life partner is setting themselves up for failure all times but one, obviously, and often, expecting someone to be their life partner before you even know them well enough is a recipe for disaster.

Another thing is that someone who is expecting everyone they meet to be their life partner probably appears desperate to others, and this can be a huge put off for most people.

Desperation makes you appear weak, so avoid it

Desperation and neediness are so bad because they are a sign of low self-esteem, and when someone senses that you are acting this way they may get away from you because no one wants to be with someone who has such low self esteem.

Make your life Fulfilled on your own

Spend time with yourself, find your hobbies, make sure that when love does happen to you, you can be your absolute true self with that person.

The way to stop looking for love outside is to love yourself from the inside, and when we focus on us and not on others, we instantly feel more fulfilled and happy than we would in any other relationship.

If you have trouble being with yourself and you find it difficult to do things alone, you should watch this video, it is incredibly uplifting and inspiring, and it may jolt you into waiting to be in a relationship with yourself.

Focus on the rewards of not forcing love.

When you find someone by chance and the relationship blossoms out of being with them and naturally, it is much more rewarding and lasting than trying to find a partner. 


When you allow the right person into your life through chance you will also find that much less exhausting than seeing every person as potentially being your love and you will find the process much less stressful.

Don’t lose your objectivity

Constantly looking for love can diminish your ability to be objective about people you meet, so you need to make sure this doesn’t happen to you otherwise you may find it hard to discern who is right for you in a relationship.

When you are constantly looking, everyone may seem like a good fit because you want him or her to be, not because he or she is the right fit and this also keeps you from making sound judgments of the character of others.

Practice Patience

When you are patient about things, whether that is your life choices, career or something else, you may find that things come much more easily to you.

You may find that it is easier to look for someone to love when you are not running around trying to find them and it is easier to be with them when you are not trying to rush the relationship.

When you live through the moments thinking constantly of the future you may not enjoy the present at all, which is something you can practice through Mindfulness.

Conclusion

In this brief guide, we discuss what it means when you feel “I am desperate for someone to love me”, as well as how to stop being desperate for someone to love you and signs that you might be desperate for someone to love you.

Human beings are social creatures, and we were never meant to be alone, which means that if you feel desperate for someone to love you, you are just feeling a primal urge for association with your species and there is nothing wrong with that.

The problem with something like “I am desperate for someone to love me” arises when we start hinging our self-esteem and self-concept on how much other people love us and how much they show it, and when you are not able to love yourself in the absence of other people loving you, it may be a problem.

There are many ways to stop being desperate for someone to love you, a lot of which we discussed here, so try them out, and if you have any questions or comments about the statement “I am desperate for someone to love me”, please feel free to reach out to us anytime.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs): Desperate for Someone to love me

How do you know you’re desperate for love?

To know if you are desperate for love, take a look at some of these signs:

You try to look for partners on dating services obsessively. 
You settle for anyone you find immediately
You bend over backwards to please them 
You move way too fast in relationships
You’re constantly trying to be with them
You’re never able to say no to being with them.
You can be clingy.

What does desperate for love mean?

Being desperate for love can mean that you are giving it the utmost importance in your life and that you may be ignoring even self-care and time with friends for love. 

Often, being desperate for love can be rather dangerous because it often means you are filling a void with dating and relationships instead of finding out why you have the need for love that makes you so desperate.

How do I stop craving love and affection?

To stop craving love and affection may be hard because they are such ingrained needs, but having knowing and understanding what makes you happy apart from these is vital in stopping the cycle of craving love from others. 

To do this you can make a list of all the hobbies you enjoy or the things you like to do with yourself, and begin to love yourself the way you would others.

How do I stop being so desperate?

To stop being so desperate you may try the following tips:

Spend more time with yourself doing things you love.
Text others less, and try to not answer messages the minute they come in, take your time.
Try things alone, being comfortable spending time alone is important to not be desperate.
Avoid Being Too Nice.
Avoid Being Too Available.
Learn To Let Go when something has not gone your way
Spend Time With Your Friends. Be Confident.

Citations

https://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/why-you-only-find-love-when-you-stop-looking-for.html

https://greatist.com/live/relationship-advice-how-to-stop-feeling-desperate-when-youre-single

https://www.centerforsharedinsight.com/blog/signs-are-desperate-love/9248

https://www.eharmony.com/dating-advice/about-you/7-signs-of-a-desperate-dater/

Divya is currently a Clinical Psychology Trainee in a Master of Philosophy program and holds a Master’s in clinical psychology. She has a special interest in Personality studies and disorders, having researched the subject before, and Neuropsychology; with an additional interest being Mood disorders. She likes to write about Psychiatric issues, having worked in multiple specialty setups during her time as a clinical psychology student, and in her free time she likes to cook and read.