I Hate My Sister! (Why+ What is Sibling Rivalry?)

In this brief guide, we will look at the statement “I hate my sister”, as well as other related problems like sibling rivalry and statements like “my sister is toxic” and “I don’t want a relationship with my sister”.

I Hate My Sister!

The statement “I hate my sister” is so common that everyone has heard or said it at some point, yet few people know that it can sometimes be a sign of sibling rivalry disorder, which is a recognized mental health condition.

When someone says “I hate my sister” in the middle of a fight about makeup or TV time, you know they don’t mean that, but sometimes there can be quite grave consequences of this statement in the form of deep-seated jealousy or rivalry towards the sister.

In other cases, saying that you hate your sister might be justified, because they are being toxic or because they are in fact trying to hurt you or cause you harm; it happens, they are people too and just because you are related does not mean that they are impervious to personality disorders or problems.

If you have a sister that truly suffers from a personality disorder or some kind or is actively trying to harm you, then there are few things you can do, and really, the statement “I hate my sister”, or any of the negative feelings attached to it, are not really going to help you.

What will help is getting away from her, limiting your interaction with her, and making sure you do your thing, that will never overlap with her.

You may also try to talk to your parents candidly about why you feel you hate your sister, and perhaps it might be something that they can help with, you never know.

It is also entirely possible that you feel like you hate your sister because you are misunderstanding her in some way or because you are going through problems of your own that are amplifying the little annoying things she does to a level where you feel such hatred and disdain towards her.

People who are suffering from depression or anxiety often feel irritability and anger towards those around them, and because we are generally closer to our parents, sometimes it gets directed towards the peer-like person in our environment: our sibling.

If that is in fact what is happening to you, that is also something you need to seek help for, because it will not go away on its own and it may in fact keep getting worse.

My sister is toxic: Signs

Here are some signs and indicators that your sister is toxic:

  • She is always vying for your parents’ attention, even when you need it too
  • She is manipulative
  • You always seem to feel exhausted around her
  • She never shows remorse for her actions
  • She never feels guilty 
  • She actively tries to be better than you
  • She tries to turn your parents against you
  • She always competes with you
  • You can’t be yourself with her
  • She tries to put you down
  • She undermines your achievements

“I don’t want a relationship with my sister”: What to do if you hate your sister?

Here are some things you can do if you hate your sister:

  • If she is not toxic, or a bad person, talk to her, try to sort out your issues
  • If she makes you feel bad, address it
  • Talk to your parents about it
  • Talk to a counselor at school or a therapist 
  • Limit your exposure to her, move out or stay away in general
  • Don’t listen to her if she tries to put you down in any way
  • Try to do things for yourself

Sibling Rivalry

Sibling rivalry is a real and serious condition where there may be excessive interpersonal tension between two siblings, most commonly directed towards the younger sibling that may be hated for taking away the parents’ attention.

According to the International classification of Disorders, here are the key features of Sibling rivalry:

“A high proportion, or even a majority, of young children show some degree of emotional disturbance following the birth of a younger(usually immediately younger) sibling. 

In most cases the disturbance is mild, but the rivalry or jealousy set up during the period after the birth may be remarkably persistent.

Sibling rivalry disorder might be characterized by the following:

  • “evidence of sibling rivalry and/or jealousy;
  • onset during the months following the birth of the younger(usually immediately younger) sibling;
  • emotional disturbance that is abnormal in degree and/or persistence and associated with psychosocial problems.”

“Sibling rivalry /jealousy may be shown by marked competition with siblings for the attention and affection of parents; for this to be regarded as abnormal, it should be associated with an unusual degree of negative feelings. 

In severe cases this may be accompanied by overt hostility, physical trauma and/or maliciousness towards, and undermining of, the sibling. In lesser cases, it may be shown by a strong reluctance to share, a lack of positive regard, and a paucity of friendly interactions.

The emotional disturbance may take any of several forms, often including some regression with loss of previously acquired skills (such as bowel or bladder control) and a tendency to babyish behavior.

Frequently, too, the child wants to copy the baby in activities that provide for parental attention, such as feeding. 

There is usually an increase in confrontational or oppositional behavior with the parents, temper tantrums, and dysphoria exhibited in the form of anxiety, misery, or social withdrawal. 

Sleep may become disturbed and there is frequently increased pressure for parental attention, such as at bedtime.”

I hate my sister: Reddit

Many of us who have never felt the feeling of “I hate my sister” may find it hard to understand what goes behind this kind of hatred or emotional response, so here are some descriptions from Reddit about people who feel that they hate their sister:

“She always treated me like a piece of dirt, since we were little, always sneaking in the middle when I was laying down with my parents, always saying she was better at things or not allowing me to touch her toys, even though she always used mine, jealous of my relationship with my parents and so on. Growing up she started humiliating me in front of friends and family, still never allowed me to touch her things (but somehow my things belonged to everybody) and always tried to shame me or humiliate me for things. I dropped out of college 3 times, she is a high school dropout and somehow managed to humiliate me in front of everyone possible when I said I was doing college by saying I wasn’t and I wasn’t going to classes or failing my exams, I never told anyone about her situation, I NEVER told anyone she dropped high school, part because my mom asked me not to but also because I thought it was humiliating, someone not even finishing high school.”

“Ok, I’m going to be frank. I hate my sister. It always seemed everything good in my life has to get sacrificed for my sister’s happiness.

I’ve picked on her some, but I honestly feel I’m justified.

Ever since the day she was born, I just couldn’t catch a break. My family had always trivialized my needs just to appease my sister.”

Conclusion

In this brief guide, we looked at what the statement “I hate my sister” is, as well as other related problems like sibling rivalry and statements like “my sister is toxic” and “I don’t want a relationship with my sister”.

“I hate my sister” is something every sibling has said at some point in their lives, along with “I hate my brother”, and in most cases it is simply because you live in the same house and have the same things to share and deal with, which makes for some tense situations fairly often.

However, in some cases, it can be true when someone says I hate my sister, because it can be a sign of sibling rivalry, or worse, a sign that you or your sister might be suffering from a serious personality disorder that is making it so hard for the two of you to get along with each other.

Whatever the reason, unless the statement “I hate my sister”, comes up in the middle of a fight or in an emotional moment, you should probably try to figure out why it is that you feel that way and maybe even do something about it.

If you have any questions or comments about the statement “I hate my sister”, or any other related concepts, please feel free to reach out to us at any time.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs): I hate my sister

Why do I dislike my sister so much?

You may dislike your sister so much because she is overly mean to you without any reason, and she may treat you badly. You may also dislike your sister so much because you have issues of your own and you find it hard to address the problems you have with her directly, which makes you feel angry and upset inside.

Sometimes disliking a sibling can also be a sign of sibling rivalry, which is a legitimate mental health issue.

Can you hate your sibling?

Yes, you can hate your sibling, or at the very least you can at least feel like you do, because they are people too and sometimes they can be unnecessarily mean.

There are some siblings that have serious mental health problems, which may make you hate them, and that is not something that is too uncommon or abnormal.

How do you know if you have a toxic sibling?

Here are some signs to know if you have a toxic sibling:

They’re never admit that they are wrong.
They take all the credit for everything
They play favorites and try to get your parents to focus on them all the time
They’re controlling, both towards you and your parents
They are manipulative
They dismiss and invalidate your feelings.
They create conflict between you and your parents
They tattle to your parents all the time

How do you tell if your sister is jealous of you?

Here are some ways to know if your sister is jealous of you:

You just can’t impress her. 
She is constantly competing with you; in an unhealthy way. 
She gets angry and offended if you give them advice.
She tries to make you feel badly about yourself
She criticizes everything you do, especially in front of your parents
She makes you feel guilty about things that aren’t your fault. 
She tries to get you in trouble with your parents

Is it bad that I don’t like my sister?

No, it is not bad that you don’t like your sister, but it is definitely something you should address at some point, because not liking your sister implies a difficult familial situation in some way.

It does not matter why you don’t like your sister, it could be because she is not a good person, or because you just have some issues of your own that make her seem unlikable; either way it is a hard situation to be in and talking to someone about it would likely help you a lot.

Citations

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/snow-white-doesnt-live-here-anymore/201503/do-you-your-sister

https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/family/what-do-i-do-cause-i-hate-my-sister/

Divya is currently a Clinical Psychology Trainee in a Master of Philosophy program and holds a Master’s in clinical psychology. She has a special interest in Personality studies and disorders, having researched the subject before, and Neuropsychology; with an additional interest being Mood disorders. She likes to write about Psychiatric issues, having worked in multiple specialty setups during her time as a clinical psychology student, and in her free time she likes to cook and read.