Why my boyfriend doesn’t understand my depression?

This article will discuss how people that are depressed can feel like their partners don’t understand what they are going through. For that, the article will explain briefly what depression is, and how you can explain to your partner what you are going through.

Along with that, the article will show how partners can better relate and communicate to their loved ones who are depressed.

Why my boyfriend doesn’t understand my depression?

When you are depressed, it might feel like you are being captured by this intense sadness, this can affect how you relate to people, including your romantic relationship. Your partner might notice that your behavior and mood have changed.

It is hard for people that are going through it as well as who is around them. You might be distant at times, and don’t have any emotional or sexual desire. And for your boyfriend, there might be one emotion that he is constantly feeling guilty about.

They might be scared that they are the ones that caused you to get depressed, or they can take your depressive symptoms personally and think you are distancing only from them, not noticing that this is a sign of depression.

It can also be that your boyfriend doesn’t understand what depression is. For people that had never gone through this, it might be hard to comprehend how someone has this intense and constant feeling of despair. 

They might try to find ways to help you that are not helpful, and all of this may take a toll on the relationship.

As a way to inform, let’s take a look at this brief explanation of what depression is.

What is depression?

Depression is a mental illness, it is not a choice. It is a condition that makes the person experience intense sadness. When a person is going through depression how they view themselves and the world changes completely.

They will have a more negative view of life, along with low self-esteem and decreased self-worth. Along with that, they can feel empty, without any desire and it seems like the world lost its color, like it is all black and white.

It can also cause people to isolate, lose purpose, and interest in things they used to love. People with depression will feel less energetic and lose their ability to focus. It can also make them more irritable, and change how they eat and sleep.

A person with depression needs to be in treatment, therapy, or even medications, depending on how intense their depression is. If your partner is still not in treatment, it might be important to help them look for one. And although this might be hard, keep in mind that depression is not a choice, and a person will not be depressed forever.

If you’re facing this, it may be a good idea to seek the help of a therapist or other mental health professional. You can find a therapist at BetterHelp who can help you learn how to cope and address it.

How can I explain to my partner how I feel?

Although it might be hard, communication is key in this situation. Talk to your partner about how depression feels to you, what are your main symptoms, when it is the hardest time of day for you, what activities you feel depression has been making hard for you. 

This all gives him a clear view of your feelings, which will give him a better notion of not feeling guilty about things and not taking your actions so personally. It is also important to show him in what ways they can help you.

You might want to tell them that your depression feels worse in the morning, so it would be of great help if he could support you with your morning routine. It can be by bringing you tea in the morning, which can help you get out of bed, or by helping you the night before to prepare the things you need.

Try to tell them how you feel when he is supporting you, and what ways he might think is being supportive but it has the opposite effect. And through this communication, which will be constant, you will both find ways to preserve the relationship.

How can I understand my partner that has depression?

Understanding how it feels like to be depressed is extremely hard, and dare we say, it might even be impossible. But if you are in a relationship with someone that is battling depression, it might be important to figure out ways you can communicate, and show your support.

The first thing to do in this situation is to learn more about depression. Being informed will let you understand how most of your partner’s behavior is about depression, it is not personal. Through that, you will also understand a little more about how this might feel for them, and that all of this is not a choice.

Understand that although you want to help, people with depression don’t get better from one day to another. This can be a frustrating process, but be by their side if they ask you to help them look for treatment, but also give them space. 

Know that there is a fine line between supportive and over barring and try to stay on the supportive side. Have a positive outtake on this, but understand that they will hardly have the same. But if you are open to listening, that might be the most important thing.

Keep in mind that each of you has your responsibility and the depressed partner has in their main goal to improve their mental health. You, on the other hand, need to keep in mind that you have your work, study, friends, and more aspects of your life.

Take care of your partner, but don’t neglect yourself. Share that care and support with friends and family members, so you don’t feel so guilty in having to step back a little to take care of yourself.

If you both find a way to communicate, it will be easier to understand where the other is coming from. There will always be things to adjust to, but hopefully, with time, depression won’t be something you will both have to deal with.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ): Why my boyfriend doesn’t understand my depression?

Can my partner lose interest in me because I am depressed? 

When someone is depressed every aspect of their life is affected, especially their close relationships. And it can be that, over time, depression can cause you and your partner to drift apart. But this doesn’t have to always be the case. 

As shown in this article, there are ways to communicate with them so you can deal with this together. But some signs are given to show you that your relationship might be suffering. The first thing is that your sex life changes. 

Even after you discuss and propose to find ways to deal, it might still not come back. And the hopelessness you feel from depression will be extended to your relationship. And it will be dealing with emotions, especially the negative ones, this can cause one of you to act out. It can be through cheating, alcohol, or drugs. 

If you realize your partner is losing interest in you, it can also make you more anxious. It can be a fear of the end, or despair to make the relationship work. Either way, it might be good to talk to them, understand what is happening and what is still possible to do to salvage the relationship.

How do I know my boyfriend is falling out of love with me? 

When a person is falling out of love with another, they usually show some signs. You may notice they are worrying less about you, and along with that, they are not proud or supportive of you. He might be more embarrassed or ashamed of being close to you.

When he is falling out of love with you, he will start to compare you to other people. And physical intimacy is rare between you, and you two don’t plan quality time together, especially dates. You may notice that he is still with you more for your well being than for their own.

A huge sign they are falling out of love is that they will start to make plans that don’t include you, or in which you are not a priority. He might start to complain about you to everyone, and he doesn’t even have the will to argue anymore, that is because you are no longer special

How do I know I am just comfortable in my relationship? 

When a person is more comfortable than in love with their partner, their sex life tends to feel stale. You both lose the will to try new things. This happens because it feels like you don’t need to make the effort.

When you are in a relationship that is just too comfortable, it can feel like there is nothing new to say. It is as if all has already been saying. And this can cause you to feel like you are settling. When people settle in a relationship, they just stop fighting, there is no more energy to put into that relationship.

When your relationship is like this, you may start to feel like you could be with someone else, as a way to get out of the routine you are in.

What are red flags in a relationship? 

Many things can be a red flag in a relationship. The first of them is if the person abuses alcohol or drugs. Along with that, when a person displays violent behavior, it may be important to be careful. 

Having different goals in the relationship can be a red flag as well, at some point it can be hard to compromise. If your partner is too jealous or is unable to trust, it is also a red flag, this can turn them into controlling people. 

And a huge red flag is if the person you are in a relationship with is if the person doesn’t have other relationships in their life, and is willing to give you all of their time. This makes the relationship unhealthy.

What is a toxic relationship?

A toxic relationship is one in which one of the partners, or both of them, feel unsupported, misunderstood, attacked, or even demeaned. It is a relationship that makes you feel worse than better.


This article explained why it may be hard for your boyfriend to understand your depression. Showing how it might be hard for people to understand what happens to a person who is depressed.

Aside from that, the article showed what are ways that a couple can communicate better to make themselves understood.

If you have any questions or comments about this article, feel free to write in the section below.



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