Why do I cry when someone yells at me? (A guide)

IN this brief guide, we will discuss the query “Why do I cry when someone yells at me”, and how one might stop crying when someone yells at them. We will also discuss other issues of being too sensitive.

Why do I cry when someone yells at me?

You might cry when someone yells at you because some people perceive yelling as a sign of danger more so than other people, and this causes them to get emotional as a defense, so that the other person may stop yelling.

You may also cry when someone yells at you because you are an emotional person in general, and you may perceive yelling as a sign of a grave situation or one that will cause you more harm.

Some people also cry when someone yells at them because they are a sense of helplessness and a feeling that they are not in control of the situation at all.

Why do I cry when my boyfriend yells at me?

You might cry when your boyfriend yells at you because you see them as a source of comfort and joy, and affection, and when they yell you may feel like you are being rejected or abandoned.

You might also cry when your boyfriend yells at you because you feel that it might get worse, and they may hurt you in some way, and the primal part of your brain is sending you signals of danger.

Another reason you might cry when your boyfriend yells at you might be because you are afraid of the relationship souring in some way; that they might say something unforgivable or that you might retaliate with something too horrible to take back, and that might lead to the end of the relationship.

A psychologist from Clark Gables, Florida, Stacey Rosenfeld, says, “We might be afraid that the conflict could lead to separation or loss. Instead of standing our ground or speaking our truth, we might be more worried that our partners will leave in the face of intense conflict.”

Why do I cry when my dad yells at me?

You might cry when your dad yells at you because you see him as an authority figure or someone from whom you have an expectation of attachment and affection, and when this need isn’t met, it may feel like a blow to your emotional state.

It is one thing when your partner yells at you, you might still find it in you to cope with that or leave the situation, but when a parent yells at you it can feel so much worse because you are dependent on them in some ways and even if you are an adult who has their own means of living, it can feel horrible given the imbalance of power between the two of you.

Research has also indicated that children who get yelled at by their fathers have increased activity in their Amygdala, the part of the brain responsible for processing fear.

The fact that just raising one’s voice may have such a profound impact is a huge reason why it should not be done, and why such behavior is strongly advised against more and more.

When a parent yells at their child, it is not just the perception of the raised voice that tends to get to them, there are associated features of this that may cause the person to cry; some of these are:

  • The loudness of their voice
  • The shrill tone of their voice
  • The look in their eyes or their general facial expression
  • The feeling of criticism or disdain that is being implied
  • The duration, when the parent goes on yelling for some time
  • The names and insults that they might use
  • The unpredictability of sudden mood shifts that result in anger, not being able to brace oneself for the yelling
  • The feeling of abandonment that the parent is rejecting the individual

Why am I so sensitive when someone yells at me?

One reason why you are so sensitive when someone yells at you because you have sensitive personality traits in general.

Some people tend to think more in terms of feeling, rather than the logical process of thinking.

For such people, someone yelling at them may be processed more in terms of how it makes them feel rather than what is being said.

Think about it, when someone yells anything at you, what you notice more is the tone or volume of voice, and unless it is a direct order like “Clean your room!”, it is unlikely that you will actually hear what the person is trying to say to you.

This may lead to negative emotions in the brain, and the thinking behind those emotions may not necessarily be processed.

When you are not able to pinpoint why you are feeling bad, or sensitive, it is hard to stop doing it as well.

Another reason why you are so sensitive might be that you are an Introvert, or have introverted traits.

This is a possibility because introverts have a tendency to ruminate, as their internal worlds are more active than their association with the external world, so when they are sad or hurt, they have a tendency to turn inward for solace, and this happens in the form of overthinking or ruminations.

Introverts may also tend to not be quick with comebacks or further arguments, which may make the thoughts fester inside because there was the release of the emotion you felt, while the other person feels lighter having expressed how they feel.

A therapist in Texas, Charles Gaby, also weighs in on the issue of sensitivity, mentioning Tomkins’s nine affects, which basically talks about the emotions that are hardwired to us and the subsequent reactions they give rise to.

He says, “People have different scripts around all their emotions, depending on how you were socialized to express your feelings.” Take the example of the common saying “Boys Don’t Cry”, someone that hears that might make up their minds and think, “That is scripted: I don’t express my distress.” The same man may think the following if he sees his wife crying, “I may have a tendency to see her as too sensitive. But is she too sensitive or is she just more capable of tolerating the feeling of distress?”

Why do I cry when I yell at someone?

You may cry when you yell at someone because you process your anger in the same way you would any other negative emotion.

Some people cry every time they get emotional, whether it is intensely happy, sad or even angry.

You might cry when you yell at someone or get angry, because when you feel angry, you may become overwhelmed or scattered. 

In many cases, even in the United States, society sometimes has a way of gendering emotional states and may attribute different qualities to various emotions regardless of whether or not it makes sense, simply because of the way it has been perceived in the past.. 

Therefore angry tears may be confusing and make someone feel bad because while anger has been identified as a “Strong” emotion, and yelling might signify authority or power, tears or sadness may be seen as weak.

You might also cry when you are angry because when you get mad at something, you are also feeling pain because of whatever the object of your anger did or whatever is going on in your life.

What one needs to remember, however, is that angry tears are just one way to let these feelings out in a safe and healthy way, and while you might not like it or think of it as a weakness, the truth is that it is just a form of expression, and is more common than you might think.

How to not cry when someone yells at me?

To not cry when someone yells at you try these tips:

  • Try to hold back tears, pinch your nose, think about something that makes you happy, and try to get out of the situation as quickly as possible.
  • Drink water, it is impossible to cry when you are drinking water, and it also gives you a moment to compose yourself.
  • Look away, directly looking at someone that is yelling at you might just remind you of the fact that they are trying to hurt you, don’t let them.
  • Try meditation in your regular life, as it may help you get more in touch and control of your feelings.
  • If the person yelling at you is an equal and doesn’t pose a physical threat, tell them in a calm voice “I understand that you are angry, but I cannot talk to you if you are going to raise your voice, let’s discuss it when you are feeling less angry.”
  • If a parent is yelling at you, don’t say anything back, try to get away from the situation as quickly as possible, and later when they are in a better mood, try to approach it with them, and tell them that you feel rejected and hurt when they are yelling at you.
  • If you are suffering from abuse at home or with a partner and cannot get out of the situation by talking to them, reach out to a helpline, like the ones on Victim Connect.
  • If you are not able to contact a helpline about your parents abusing you in any way, reach out to a teacher or counselor at school, and ask them to help you, they are trained for this and can help you out in a way that doesn’t put you in danger.

Conclusion

In this brief guide, we discussed the question “Why do I cry when someone yells at me”, and also discussed other things like how to cope with crying when someone yells at you, and issues of being sensitive. Please reach out with any questions or comments you may have, and if you are experiencing abuse of any kind from any source, reach out to the helplines above or to other sources in your life that may be able to help you out.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs): Why do I cry when someone yells at me?

How do you not cry when someone shouts at you?

Here is how you can try to not cry when someone shouts at you:

Try to think of something else, drink water
Listen and let them get it out of their system 
Try to not think that they mean anything more than what they are saying
Breathe, deep breaths can help
Try to take it up with them later
Be assertive about your feelings
Ask for help

Why do I cry when my mom yells at me?

You might cry when your mom yells at you because you might be scared, or feeling hurt because you see your mom as someone that loves you unconditionally.

It is fact that being yelled at by someone that is supposed to love you hurts. 

She might also be saying things that make you feel like she is rejecting you in some way or being overly critical, and so you might cry when your mom yells at you.

Why do I cry when someone confronts me?

You might cry when someone yells at you due to a reason given by Life Coach Ben Edwards, who says that “Crying can signal our ‘breaking point’ and our tears can sometimes feel like a release of those pent-up emotions that we have not been able to express.” “We sometimes don’t know how to channel our feelings in a tough situation and therefore turn to actions rather than words,”

Why do girls cry after making love?

Girls might cry after making love because they are experiencing too many heightened emotions. 

Girls may also cry after making love as their body may be trying to reduce tension and intense physical arousal.

It may also be a way of releasing pent-up frustration that may have built up during a period of no sexual activity.

Citations

https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/general/why-do-i-cry-when-i-get-mad-it-makes-me-look-weak/

https://www.huffingtonpost.in/entry/how-to-stop-crying-arguments_l_5ca4fa07e4b0ed0d78102567

http://www.oprah.com/spirit/how-to-stop-crying-controlling-your-emotions/all

Divya is currently a Clinical Psychology Trainee in a Master of Philosophy program and holds a Master’s in clinical psychology. She has a special interest in Personality studies and disorders, having researched the subject before, and Neuropsychology; with an additional interest being Mood disorders. She likes to write about Psychiatric issues, having worked in multiple specialty setups during her time as a clinical psychology student, and in her free time she likes to cook and read.

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