What is the connection between Depression and Pushing Loved Ones Away?

This blog covers an understanding as to why people push away others if they have depression, reasons for the above mentioned, and how to stop pushing people away and ends with a conclusion.

What is the connection between Depression and Pushing Loved Ones Away?

Depression can make you feel hopeless, worthless, and helpless which can, in turn, make you push your loved ones away because you have this deep-seated belief that nobody actually cares about you enough, you are not worth any love, and you also lose your tolerance ability.

Remember all these thoughts and feelings are caused due to your condition of depression. Let us explore this in detail.  

Why Does Depression Make You Push People Away?

As a general rule, individuals don’t shun closeness because they don’t like people or wish to be completely alone. So, what’s up with that? Is there any value in such reasons?

Yes, on occasion. To modify your behavior, you need to know why you’re doing it in the first place. The first step to reestablish closeness in your relationships is to identify likely causes.

One method to avoid closeness is to push people away. People who are frightened of being wounded in relationships may use this avoidance as a defensive technique.

The fear of being rejected again may persist even after you believe you’ve recovered from a previous relationship that ended horribly.

You’ll feel the need to defend yourself as soon as you start getting to know someone new. After all, you don’t want to go through the pain of rejection again. Even if it’s only a hunch, it’s possible you’re genuinely thinking, “If I keep them away before they get too near, they can’t injure me.”

It’s very uncommon for people to engage in behaviors like instigating fights and shunning emotional connection unknowingly, but the ultimate outcome is always surprising.

The prospect of a close, personal connection frightens you, so you do all in your power to avoid it.

Depression and Pushing Loved Ones Away

Loss of energy and exhaustion

Being alone might make it hard to feel like we’re running low on energy. There’s a fine line between conserving our limited resources and letting them run out. It’s much worse when we don’t have any energy while we’re surrounded by other people. 

We’ve been told to prepare some kind of response. Apparently, it’s polite to smile. We’re obligated to participate. We don’t always feel like spending time with others. We’re too tired to pay attention to discussions going on around us or come up with conversation starters. As a result of a lack of energy, we tend to avoid being near other people. There is a fear that we will fall short of their expectations.

Concentration is a problem for us.

Following a discussion requires a surprising amount of focus. It’s difficult to keep up with talks when we’re tired and have the attention span of a flea. Stressful because we’re afraid of seeming foolish or disrespectful, or losing sight of what’s going on. 

We might get paralyzed by the dread that we won’t be able to keep up. Pushing people away is simpler than worrying about having to accomplish things we don’t feel capable of doing. To avoid disappointing anybody, we just do not want to disappoint ourselves.

Low Tolerance: We get agitated.

Depression itself is debilitating and incapacitating, and as a result, we have limited tolerance for many things. We may get agitated or annoyed easily. 

When individuals around us do or say things we don’t anticipate or modify things without notice, we may strike out in anger. It’s common for us to distance ourselves from others in an effort to prevent ourselves from lashing out. As a result of our tendency to lash out and snap when we are annoyed, we may feel even more guilty about our actions.

Depression makes you question everything

As long as they’re still breathing, we’ll keep hearing how much people want to be around us. But we’re not going to take that at face value. Depression robs us of our sense of self-worth and usefulness. 

As a result, we’re baffled by why anybody would want to spend time with us since we fear we have nothing to contribute or that we could drag others down. As a result, we are wary of accepting invitations from strangers because we fear that they are just doing it out of goodwill or obligation. As a result, we have no regard for their time.

Sleep-related issues

We don’t want to be seen in this light by others. We know that we aren’t who we used to be, and socializing might be difficult because of sadness. For whatever reason, it may be difficult for us to get out of bed in the morning, and we may only feel at home in pajamas at night. 

The quality of our slumber is erratic. When we glance in the mirror, we often fail to recognize our own reflections. We have a hard time seeing ourselves in this light, and we feel a feeling of guilt as a result.

Learned Helplessness

A common symptom of depression is a sense of helplessness. Depression’s lack of energy, motivational struggles, and poor self-esteem may all contribute to this mood. No one sees us as contributing anything meaningful. 

We’re down on our luck. When we look at ourselves, we perceive ourselves as a burden to people around us. In order to avoid becoming a burden, we tend to push others away.

We don’t want to drag anybody else down!

We’re in a bad mood. We’re down. Many of us find it difficult to put on a pleasant face and maintain a constant grin when we are with people. When someone inquires about our well-being, we can’t honestly say, ‘fine’ (though this is usually our stock response). 

Because we don’t want to bring people down by talking about how we feel, we avoid doing so. Because we don’t want to upset them, we don’t want to talk about our problems with them. We don’t want to upset people we care about, so we keep them at arm’s length.

To avoid hurting people

When our loved ones hear how terrible we’re feeling, it might be difficult for them to understand. They really care about us. Seeing us in agony might be difficult for them. When we tell a loved one that we are contemplating suicide, we can see the agony and anxiety in their eyes. 

They seem to be perplexed as to why they’re not doing more to assist. It’s possible that our loved ones have a hard time empathizing with how we feel. Because we care so much about them, we don’t want them to be harmed by it. In order to avoid this, we try to push them away.

We’re afraid of being hurt by others

No one wants to be wounded, right? Because we don’t want people to become tired of us, we’re afraid they’ll go. We’re always on the lookout for those who’ve lost their ‘nice’ facade and are ready to walk away from us. 

By pushing others away, we are preventing them from leaving us. We have control over it. We’d rather be alone than continually fear that others may get tired of us and leave us behind.

It’s easy for us.

We push people away

It’s simpler to push people away than to act everything is OK all the time. For us, it’s preferable to face the fact that our former selves are no longer who they once were. 

Doing all of these things is more time-consuming than just showering and getting dressed in the morning. When we’re alone, we’re able to fool ourselves into thinking we’re OK. Being among others, on the other hand, might serve as a lesson that we’re not quite there yet.

How to start letting people in?

If you’re facing this, it may be a good idea to seek the help of a therapist or other mental health professional. You can find a therapist at BetterHelp who can help you learn how to cope and address it.

While acknowledging your propensity to drive others away is an important first step toward improvement, it is just a step.

If you’re having trouble letting someone in, these tips may assist.

  • Discuss it with someone.
  • Communicating is essential to a healthy relationship. When discussing your relationship, it’s important to discuss more than just the mundane details of your day-to-day lives.

It might be a little frightening to bring up the subject of a tendency of avoiding intimacy with your spouse, but doing so can have a significant impact on your growth.

In order to assist your spouse to understand why intimacy is difficult for you, you may want to share a few pieces of information about your prior relationships.

Consider this: “I believed my ex was the one I’d spend the rest of my life with. When I’m afraid of another betrayal, I’m tempted to break up partnerships in order to avoid the pain. In order to overcome my tendency to avoid people when I’m afraid, I’m focusing on being more open about my anxieties.

Tell them if anything makes you feel bad: “Getting nearer brings joy, but I’m not ready to speak about long-term plans just yet.”

Strive to achieve a sense of harmony.

Trying to overcompensate for the need to push others away might lead you to open out too much or cling to your spouse instead of respecting their limits.

Trying to maintain a healthy balance in your life might improve your chances of a long-term relationship. It might mean:

Interconnectedness is what you’re after. In other words, you form a connection and work together to help one another without completely relying on one another. You’re still your own individual, even if you’re living together.

Developing a tolerance for disagreement may also be a kind of balance.

It’s natural to be on the lookout for any signs that your spouse isn’t really into you. Even in intimate partnerships, there will be disputes.

A loved one’s annoyance does not automatically equate to a desire for their removal from your life.

Instead of avoiding confrontation by pushing your spouse away, work on conflict resolution skills that will benefit your relationship.

Building self-compassion

Self-compassion is a virtue to cultivate.

Keep in mind that changing long-standing habits may be difficult, so be nice to yourself. Observing an issue may not seem like much, but it shows that you have the self-awareness necessary to make permanent changes.

Depending on why you’re driving folks away, it might affect how soon things change. However, if you’re ready to put in the time and effort, it’s possible that your endeavors may be rewarded.


We explored why does depression makes you push people away, various reasons for pushing them away, how to start letting people in and build meaningful relationships with others so we have a support system to help us through depression. 

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs): What is the connection between Depression and Pushing Loved Ones Away?

Is it possible to have a mental disorder that causes you to isolate yourself from others?

While shooing people away may provide a little respite from worry or restlessness, the underlying issues are likely to resurface if nothing is done to address them. It is common for persons suffering from depression or trauma to repeatedly push others away.

Do you avoid people when you’re stressed?

Concentration is a problem for us.

We’re stressed out because we’re afraid of seeming stupid or disrespectful or even just losing sight of what’s happening. When we don’t feel like doing anything, it’s simpler to push others away than to think about what we can’t accomplish.

What behaviors are associated with depression?

Symptoms of Addiction:

Restlessness and irritability.

Outbursts of rage.

Sleeping more and more often.

withdrawing from activities that formerly brought pleasure.

Work, household, social, and academic responsibilities are becoming more difficult to satisfy.


Attempted suicides.

Why do I shy away from close relationships?

Also, childhood traumas, such as death or abuse, might cause a person to be afraid of intimacy.

In what ways is depression affecting the human brain?

As a consequence of neural connections in the hippocampus diminish when depression affects the brain’s biochemical balances, resulting in memory loss and difficulties focusing.

Are you afraid of being connected to another person?

Fright of love or emotional attachment to another person is known as philophobia. As with other specialized phobias, especially those that are societal in origin, this one has many of the same characteristics.



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