Single and depressed in your 30s: 5 Tips to cope

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In this blog we present you some tips to cope with being single and depressed in your 30s. 

Family Counseling
Family Counseling

Single and depressed in your 30s: Tips to cope

Here are a few tips that can help you cope with being single and depressed in your 30:

  • Engage in positive relationships
  • Be Present
  • Meet new people
  • Do things that interest you
  • Be mindful of cultural expectations
  • Set new goals
  • Seek professional help

Engage in positive relationships

Social connection is a basic need, according to Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of psychological needs and this means that one must be socially connected in meaningful ways to feel satisfied and experience a sense of well-being. 

It is important that you take stock of your relationships and invest in positive relationships or build postive and supportive relationships with friends, family, and even romantic interests.

This might mean that you need to cut out toxic people from your life and actively engage in relationships that help you grow, that provide meaning in your life, and give you hope. 

Building relationships that help you grow, that motivate you, that care for you is an important aspect of getting yourself to adjust and build a sense of resilience in your 30s. 

If you find yourself feeling depressed, rather than withdrawing from others- reach out to the ones you trust, engage with them by spending time with them, learning about them, and strengthen these relationships. 

Be Present

When you are in your 30s, you might be worried about time or life passing you by. You might be worried that you are in your 30s, the clock is ticking and this can cause you a sense of hopelessness and anxiety.

Being present in the now and allowing yourself to experience your day to day, your moment to moment can be a healthy way to engage with your life. This means that you are mindful of every passing moment- when you eat, when you work, when you spend time with loved ones etc. 

Taking things one day at a time and being deliberate with which moment of work, rest, fun, play, and even stressful moments can help ground you and also keep you away from anxiety and depression.

Being mindful of the present also includes acknowledging your life for what it is- the good and the bad- and being grateful for what you have in the present. 

Meet new people

Even if you’re completely over dating at this point, don’t stop going on those first dates with promising people or simply meeting new people- even if the intent is platonic.

Continue to put yourself out there, go out with people, try out new activities with these strangers, and be open to the experience. 

It is only through these experiences that you can keep refining what you like and what you don’t. It can also give you a new understanding of yourself as a person.

Do things that interest you

Another thing that you can incorporate in your life is to do things for yourself. This might need a little bit of reflection and soul searching. 

One must understand that living life authentically can be one of the major aspects towards living a well-suited life. So choose to engage yourself in activities and groups that you enjoy. DO not do it for someone else, do it for yourself. 

Take part in activities- no matter how silly- that are truly of your interest. By engaging in these activities that bring you joy and allow you to have fun, as you have fun you begin to flow and authentically engage with your life and yourself. 

Be mindful of cultural expectations

If you have a sense of urgency that is very likely linked to the cultural expectation that you should be married and a parent by now; you have to be mindful of how these expectations impact you.

Though the pressures can get to you, don’t fall prey to it. If you find that this pressure is impacting your choices not because you want to do it but because you have been forced to conform to societal pressure, you need to create some distance and ask yourself what you want.

Allow yourself to focus on your career if it gives you meaning and joy, or choose to live life on your own terms. Even if you choose to meet potential partners for a possible marriage, do it because you want to do it and not because society tells you to. 

Set new goals

It is important that at this age, you evaluate your attitudes, your values, and your goals. This age might be a time where you set new goals that are more aligned with who you are at this age rather than the plans you have made in your 20s.

Taking the time to introspect on what it is that you truly want in life can help you stay clear of various stresses that people your age struggle with- unhappy marriages, unhappy career life, and dissatisfying relationships. 

Define your goals that are realistic, doable, and goals that give you a sense of purpose and meaning.

Seek professional help

If you have been depressed for more than two weeks and it is impacting your other relationships and your professional life, we advise you to seek out professional help immediately.

Depression is not just low moods, it won’t simply “go away”. There needs to be an active effort to work through your condition as well as pharmacological support that you might need in the case there are neurological causes to your condition. 

Your therapist will help you understand what is happening to you, might prescribe you medication if needed, and can help you tap into your own strengths that can help you adapt to challenges, changes, and overcome them.

Understanding your condition, diagnosis and Engaging with a therapist, being diligent with your medication, and making the changes you need to make to get better will help you during this difficult time. 

If you’re facing this, it may be a good idea to seek the help of a therapist or other mental health professional. You can find a therapist at BetterHelp who can help you learn how to cope and address it.

Single and depressed in your 30s: Why?

A 2019 study published by the American psychological associations that reviewed the trend of factors that were linked to  Mood Disorder Indicators and Suicide Related Outcomes between the years 2005–2017 has found that people in their early 30s today tend to be more distressed as compared to earlier generations. 

The study found that people in their 30s were reported to struggle with serious psychological distress, major depression, and suicidal thoughts, and more attempted suicide as compared to people who are past their 30s.

The researchers believe that it could be possible that the reason why this particular group of 30 year olds are more depressed and more psychologically unwell could be because of digital media that is increasingly proving to be a danger to the health of an individual.

As of today, research has indicated an increase in emotional distress in people of this age group which only shows how common it is. So if you are 30 and struggling mentally, you are not alone.

Let us try to understand why you might be struggling with depression in your 30s:

Life experiences

It is possible that our life experiences in your younger years, especially the ones that have not been resolved in healthy ways, can impact the way you see the world and yourself. 

In most cases, for people with poor mental health, this worldview or these cognitive schemas that are created are negative and it informs much of a person’s thoughts about a certain event, feelings, and behaviours.

These attitudes and beliefs that you develop over time can cause you to develop distortions in your thinking which can impact the way you handle relationships, and yourself. 

For example, as a result of multiple failed relationships, you might develop the negative schema that you are unlovable and hence avoid engaging in other relationships in your 30s.

All of this can cause emotional distress and even create patterns that make it hard for you to develop relationships which can further impact the way you see yourself. 

Social life 

People in their 30s notice that they no longer move in large groups and this is often because of the fact that people in this age tend to be occupied with their own personal lives. 

Your friend circle might have broken up as people get married and often, married people tend to spend more time with other married couples. 

The older we get, the more settled and predictable our way of life becomes. As a rule, our lives are built according to the principle: home, work, cleaning, and sports on the weekend. 

These routines, though helpful, can become mundane and no longer give you the joy and excitement that is often necessary to enjoy life. 

Career

People in their 30s are often in the middle of career growth- their jobs tend to take over their lives which limit them in many areas. The stress of their career can also affect their relationships and their mental health which can often go unnoticed.

In most cases, the social circle of these age groups is often their immediate family and their coworkers which can limit their ability to create new bonds and meet new people.

Physical health

Another issue with this age group is that people tend to develop physical illnesses- they might notice that their body is not as fit as it used to be nor as resilient.

The individual in their 30s might find that they are developing ill health, getting fatigued easily, etc- which can limit their activities and their choices as well.

One might also develop chronic illnesses which can impact a person’s ability to form quality relationships and the stress of being ill can impact their mental health

Conclusion

In this blog we presented you some tips to cope with being single and depressed in your 30s. 

FAQ related to single and depressed 30s

Is it OK to be single in your 30s?

Yes, it is completely okay to be single in your 30s. Infact, there are more people who are single in their 30s as compared to the earlier generations because of the fact that people these days are driven by other goals aside than marriage and starting a family.

How do you deal with being single in your 30s?

When you are in your 30s, you might be worried about time or life passing you by. You might be worried that you are in your 30s, the clock is ticking and this can cause you a sense of hopelessness and anxiety.

Being present in the now and allowing yourself to experience your day to day, your moment to moment can be a healthy way to engage with your life. This means that you are mindful of every passing moment- when you eat, when you work, when you spend time with loved ones etc. 

Is being single at 35 normal?

Being single at 35 is not as weird as you might think. Infact, about 44% of individuals who are in their 30s tend to be single. 

As of recent years, Marriage timing has changed and now a lot of individuals may have different goals as opposed to marriage.

References

Twenge JM, Cooper AB, Joiner TE, Duffy ME, Binau SG. Age, period, and cohort trends in mood disorder indicators and suicide-related outcomes in a nationally representative dataset, 2005-2017. J Abnorm Psychol. 2019 Apr;128(3):185-199. doi: 10.1037/abn0000410. Epub 2019 Mar 14. PMID: 30869927.

35 & Single Coping Tips! Clarity Clinic. Retrieved on 31st March 2022. https://www.claritychi.com/yes-im-35-single/

What to Do If You Are 30 and Single, Sometimes Depressed. Tunetolove. Retrieved on 31st March 2022. https://tune2love.com/en/blog/psychology-of-relationships/what-to-do-if-you-are-30-and-single-sometimes-depressed/

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