My negative thoughts are killing me (+Understanding what can be done)

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This article will explain why people get negative thoughts, and what can cause them to be frequent in people’s minds. Aside from that, the article will explain what can happen if a person has them too frequently, and what are ways to deal with them.

Family Counseling
Family Counseling

Why do people have negative thoughts?

Everyone goes through moments in life when they experience negative thoughts. And it is often hard to share those with people around, even ones that one might feel close to. But the first thing when talking about this is to learn to embrace your negative thoughts.

That doesn’t mean that you should always have a negative thought, rather understand that sometimes it can happen. At some point, a person can think about how the life of people they know would be if they were dead. Being sarcastic or having a negative view of themselves can happen.

And if it is just a one-time thought, it is normal. It might just be a curiosity, and how the person is dealing with the notion that no one will last forever. But for some people, having those types of thoughts, when they feel unwanted, a burden to people or they question themselves too much, happen regularly.

When that is the situation, it might be time to look for help. But let’s understand a little more about why this happens.

Why do negative thoughts become too frequent?

When the negative thoughts become too frequent, they are called Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts. Meaning that they are thoughts that come to a person’s mind without warning, without the person wanting it, and they are persistent, causing the person to feel anxious.

They are usually related to violent acts or risky situations, and the person gets extremely nervous about the possibility of it happening, or that they are bad people for having those thoughts. 

They can be about a relationship, their identity, how they see themselves, or doubts. It can be about questions that are possible to answer or even fantasies a person has.

The problem with intrusive thoughts is that they come with such strength, that cause them to be stronger. What is needed, in that case, is to have a different outlook on the thoughts, understand that not all of it has meaning.

You don’t need to try to control them that much. If you start battling those thoughts it might become harder to deal with them, and that’s when it might feel like they can kill you.

If a person realizes that their intrusive thoughts are causing impairment in their life, it might be time to look for help. In some situations, intrusive thoughts can be a symptom of a condition called Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD).

This condition, which is a chronic mental health condition, involves obsessive behavior, compulsive one, or both. It makes the person have obsessive and repeated thoughts that cause them an urge to repeat a specific behavior.

They can act on that urge to relieve their obsessive thoughts. This condition will make it impossible for the person to disregard those thoughts, they will obsessively think about them, and worry if they might be real.

When a person has OCD, there are some sets of thoughts that usually come to their minds. They usually fear that they will hurt or kill people they love or themselves. They can also be afraid of molesting a child, or that there will be a car accident.

They might overthink their sexual orientation and their gender identity. As well as if they love their partners, or if they are the right person. They can have recurring thoughts that they consider sinful and that they are not living according to social rules, along with ideas that they might question reality and existence.

How can I cope with having negative thoughts?

The first thing that can be done, when dealing with intrusive thoughts is to not create a battle with them. As said before, not all of them have meaning, and instead of trying to control the impulse of your thoughts, which can cause you to over-control the situation, it is important to reduce how sensitive you get about them. 

Understand there is no meaning for it, name them as what they are, Intrusive Thoughts. Realize they are automatic and not related to who you are as a person. Just let them flow through your brain, if you fight it, it can become worse. 

If you get too anxious, having some time to breathe and relax can help you center yourself again. And when you are calmer, keep in mind that they might come again, but just like now, you will be able to handle them. And go back to what you were doing. 

It might also help to be grateful for what you have. Having those negative thoughts usually means you are self-deprecating a lot. So being grateful is a way to look at things differently. Having people around you who don’t feed those negative thoughts is also important. They won’t let you give in to those negative notions.

But if the intrusive thoughts are related to an OCD diagnosis, the first thing that should be done, when faced with that situation, is to get in touch with a doctor. This might be extremely hard, and people can feel uncomfortable saying how they feel to others.

But try to practice on yourself first. Consider all you need to say, and when in your doctor’s appointment, say things as you feel comfortable. You don’t need to say it all at once, but if they ask questions, answer them most honestly.

When you find a professional you can trust, try to stick to your treatment. The OCD treatment is not always easy, and it might need medication at times, so a person doesn’t feel too overwhelmed by their thoughts. But with time, it can become more and more manageable.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ): I feel like my negative thoughts are killing me.

Is it normal to think about killing and dying?

Yes, it is perfectly normal to think about killing and dying from time to time. Getting in touch with those thoughts is a way to deal with many emotions. It can be a way a person finds to deal with rage when they think about killing someone.

It can also be a way to deal with their mortality when they think about their death. What is important in these situations is to be aware of how often these thoughts happen, and if you ever considered acting them out. If that is the case, the person should look for professional help.

What are the most common negative thoughts people have?

Everyone experiences negative thoughts from time to time. But there are a few of them that are the most common ones. For example, people might always think they are not good enough and forget all they have accomplished in life.

People also assume they won’t be able to do something, instead of thinking of ways they can plan to master an activity, even if it takes some time and effort. They also compare themselves to others constantly, thinking they are not as lucky as other people, instead of noticing all the good they already have and what is to come.

People also assume they should be better than they are, not congratulating themselves for what they have accomplished so far, and recognizing their efforts. They also assume no one is interested in them, as if nobody cared when they should realize that many people around them are supportive and caring.

What will happen when dating an overthinker?

If a person is dating an overthinker, it can impact the relationship. The person can’t stop looking for meaning in things. And asking them to not do that is useless since they can’t control it.

They might need you to reassure them very often. Overthinkers usually get insecure, so they will need you to guarantee that the worst is only in their head. And you might start to lie about things as a way to not cause trouble in the relationship.

This can cause there to be no trust in the relationship. Even though the overthinker knows, rationally they can trust you, because of the fantasies in their head it might be impossible to trust. Which can cause an overflow of emotions.

Overthinkers might want you to share everything with them, that is a way they can feel safe, that can cause trouble, because the partner might be doing something else, and it is not possible to assure them from time to time.

Why do I see myself in such a negative way?

It can be that a person’s negative view of themselves is related to how they were raised, and how they established connections during their life. Children that had an insecure relationship with their parents tend to have less self-esteem, and a decreased sense of self-worth.

If that is not something worked on, it can last their whole life, and the person might start believing they don’t deserve anything good, and that they don’t have anything good to give people and the world. 

This might start to show in their relationships, in which they might accept things that are not good for them. It can also show in how they express themselves, meaning it can be hard for them to be assertive about things, and they can also be overly critical or hide from situations.

How do I know I am an overthinker?

Overthinkers usually get to the therapist’s office saying that they can’t relax, but don’t know how to explain what is happening to them. Overthinking can come related to ruminating about the past or worrying too much about the future.

In both, there is a point when it might be useful. That is when a person is thinking of ways to fix a problem, but it can also mean that they are worrying beforehand. A person that is an overthinker might have trouble shutting their brain to sleep.

They are also asking themselves “what if” about situations and spend a lot of time looking for hidden meaning in people’s actions and events. They might relieve embarrassing situations or mistakes they made constantly, to the point they might lose track of what is going on around them.

They are constantly worrying, even about things they have no control over.

Conclusion

This article explained why people get negative thoughts, and what having them too frequently can bring to people’s lives. Not only that, the article explained that there are ways to cope with it, and what are those ways.

If you have any questions or comments about this article, feel free to write it in the section below.

References

https://adaa.org/learn-from-us/from-the-experts/blog-posts/consumer/unwanted-intrusive-thoughts

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