My life is a mess (+Ways to make it better)

This article will discuss why people’s lives might feel like a mess sometimes. What can cause this to happen, what people going through it might feel, and what are ways to cope with it and get control of your life back.

Why is my life a mess? 

Life can sometimes feel like a mess. There is so much going on that a person can feel like they are unable to handle it. But what is important to understand is that life has a lot that is out of control, and when a person goes through a hard time, having that in mind can help you not judge yourself too much.

What is important is to try and understand what is causing your life to be a mess. Sometimes a person can feel like their life is a mess because you don’t know what to do. It could be that you don’t know what direction to give your life, and it can make you paralyzed.

Another matter that can make your life feel like a mess is having a failure experience. This can make you feel like you are taking a step back, but it might be good to look at it as a chance to move your life forward another way.

Having a messy life can make you focus mostly on negative emotions and attitudes. It can also cause you to feel exhausted like you don’t have the energy to do anything. 

When a person is living in an emotionally messy situation, their surroundings will also look like a mess, and because you start neglecting yourself, you might start to have issues with your health.

The person that is going through a messy life moment, will have difficulty focusing on what to do. They will not be able to set a direction to their priorities, and their wants and needs.

How can I cope with my life being a mess?

Once you’ve realized your life is a mess, there are some ways you can cope with it. 

Own your feelings 

The first thing is to accept how you feel and the situation you are in. Don’t try to suppress your emotions and the anxiety that can come from not knowing what to do.

Face your anxiety head-on and try to look at this as a moment that you will move past it. 

Plan yourself but be flexible

Making a list of what you want to do might also be a way of putting your life back on track. But don’t try to make long-term plans, focus on what needs to be done in a week or so, this will make executing a lot easier.

Although you should do your best to keep to what you have planned, you should keep in mind how, sometimes, plans and schedules change. This will help you to not be so hard on yourself.

Get a new perspective

Looking at your life from a big picture perspective may also allow you to see you have too much on your plate, and that may be why it feels so messy. If that is the case, try to take one thing out of your plate, that can help you focus on your priorities, and your passions.

To get a new perspective on things a person might also want to change the questions they are asking themselves. Maybe instead of questioning why your whole life is a mess, try to ask what are the parts of your life that are helping you hold everything together.

Remember to breathe

When you feel overwhelmed about what is going on in your life, try to breathe. Having some breathing exercises to do when you feel on the edge can help you center again.

It is a period of your life, not all of it

During this time it is important to keep in mind that the hard and lost times can be great moments to rethink and adjust your goals, desires, and needs. By keeping that in mind, you can find some sense in the experience you are having, be more compassionate and careful with yourself.

Get close to people who can help you

Being in touch with your friends, loved ones, and the community you are in can be a great source of support. If it is a financial mess that you are dealing with, for example, you might find there are social projects in your town that can offer to help you deal with it. And even your loved ones can reach out to help you.

Make your list

Try to put on a piece of paper things you are excited about. It can be things that you want to experience in the present, as well as things you want to live through in the future. 

Aside from being a great way to understand your desires at the moment, even if it is just going to a coffee shop, it will show you what it is that you are expecting from your future.

Stay away from toxic positivity

When facing a hard moment in life, people can come across many suggestions that usually involve keeping a positive look at things. And although changing points of view can help, putting yourself through this toxic positivity can make you feel worse.

It can make you feel like you are not trying hard enough, or have your pain and suffering invalidated. Try to keep away from that type of mentality, to authorize yourself to feel your pain, but also to look for a way out of things.

If you can’t cope on your own

But if at any time you feel like the strategies given above are not helping you, it might be good to dig deeper. You should look for a therapist, and through the talk with them, you will understand a little better what is going on with you, why your life feels like such a mess, and what can you do about it. 

If you’re facing this, it may be a good idea to seek the help of a therapist or other mental health professional. You can find a therapist at BetterHelp who can help you learn how to cope and address it.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ): What can I do if my life is a mess?

Why do I feel like I want to abandon my own life?

When a person feels like they want to abandon their own life it might be a sign that the life they are living isn’t making them happy. Having this unsettling feeling can be hard at times, but it is an important experience that allows you to discover what you want at the moment.

If you allow yourself to look past the desire to escape, you can ask yourself the tough questions about how you feel your life should be like, what is standing in your way, and how you can move past it.  

How can I deal with having things happening that are out of my control?

In life, there will always be things that are out of control. Just take a look at what the whole world went through with the pandemic. None of it was planned or ever imagined by anyone. Once people are faced with those kinds of situations, they can respond in some ways.

Some people will try to grab control in any way that they can. Those will often get frustrated, sometimes even anxious, when things don’t go the way they thought they should. 

These people might be the ones that would benefit from breathing exercises, as a way to center themselves when everything around them seems to be crumbling down. But some people deal with uncontrolled situations more easily.

This can be because of their life history, or their personality, but they can adjust easier to the unplanned, and they can find emotional resources to cope with like, like understanding that, although some things are out of their control, they still have the possibility of choosing how to respond to the situation. 

Why do I feel envious of my friends?

When your life seems like a mess, you can lose consciousness of the notion that nobody’s life is perfect. This happens nowadays even more because of social networks. It can make it seem like everyone is living their best life, while you are dealing with some hard moments.

At that moment it is important to keep in mind that comparison won’t do you any good. Not only are you comparing your reality to what you imagine other people’s lives to be, but you need to understand how each person comes from a different life experience, with different expectations and upbringing. 

You should focus on your possibilities and desires, and how you can achieve them, maybe trace a plan to that, instead of comparing what you have to what your friends have.

How do I stop overthinking my life?

It is quite common for a person to think about their life, it is something people should be encouraged to do. Take a look at what they are doing, if it is something that makes them happy and where do they plan to go with this. 

But to some people, this thinking can turn into overthinking, and people might have a hard time letting some things go. When that is the case, it is important to be compassionate with yourself and try to understand that the actions you had so far were ones that you thought were the best at the moment. 

Everyone, when making decisions in their lives, tends to do it based on how they feel in the present, and that’s how it should be. Although people plan for the future, focusing on what you have at the present can make you understand how you are deciding based on the now.

What is the hardest thing to do when trying to get out of a messy life?

When trying to get out of a messy life, one of the hardest things to do might be to not let yourself lose focus. That is because, when people’s lives are messy, it can be that they are not completely sure of their goals and what they want in their lives.

That can make surrendering to distractions quite easy. That is why, before you even start to put your plans into action, it might be a good idea to write down what you want, and trace what steps need to be taken to reach it. 

Having that in writing will help you keep your commitment to your plans,  and whenever you feel like you are losing touch with it, you can just go and take another look at what you have written to motivate yourself again.


This article discussed what can happen that can make people feel like their lives are a mess. Along with that, the article explained how it is possible to get back control of your life and cope with how messy your life is.

If you have any questions or comments about this article, feel free to write it in the section below.


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