My Husband Yells at me in Front of his Family (7 tips to Cope)

In this brief guide, we will look at what to do in a situation of “My husband yells at me in front of his family”, as well as look at some other things related to yelling, like anxiety when hearing yelling and the effects of your spouse yelling at you. We will also look at ways of coping when your husband keeps yelling at you.

“My Husband Yells at me in Front of his Family”

Your husband may yell at you in front of his family for three reasons: he learned it from them and it is a regular thing in that family, or he is intimidated by his family in some way and needs to prove that he is able to control his partner, or he may have a big anger issue that is hampering his self-control.

When your husband yells at you in front of his family, he is essentially disrespecting you in the worst way, because he is showing them that it is okay for them to treat you that way too, should they so choose.

A marriage needs to be equal and respectful both ways, and the two partners need to respect each other equally, which is not possible if one of the partners keeps yelling at the other, especially in front of friends or family, or both.

Another huge reason why your husband yelling at you in front of his family is a massive issue is that when they do so, they are showing their family that they don’t have your back, and that if they are willing to disrespect you like that they likely won’t stick up for you no matter what, which is a dangerous precedent to set.

No one should have to stand for their partner insulting them in this way, and if your husband keeps yelling at you in front of his family, you need to make it crystal clear that if they don’t start working right, you are leaving, because it simply isn’t a negotiable thing.

It doesn’t even matter what your husband is saying when he yells at you in front of his family, because the truth is no matter what hurtful words he’s hurling at you and whether they are right or wrong raging and yelling people desperately need to be heard. 

It may be a very hard thing to do when you are faced with such highly-charged hostility, but you can try to hang in there and attempt to listen rather than react to whatever they’re screaming at you for, and once they have cooled down, you need to address the issue.

If your husband is yelling at you in front of his family because they are prone to anger and rage or they may be defensively projecting it onto you or blame you for provoking them then you may also want to get them into therapy.

Many husbands may also yell at their spouses in front of their family because they have fragile egos and they may be unable to handle what feels like dismissal of any kind, even if it is imagined, in which case also communication is simply key.

Is it just Yelling or is it Abuse?

A crucial distinction to be made here is whether the yelling is verbal abuse or if it is just a one time thing, and if it is in fact a one time thing, and is followed by apologies and proper remorse, and they promise never to do it again or eek therapy, it won’t count as abuse.

Abuse is something that has a pattern and happens over time, and it is generally not changeable through just talking, and though the person may sometimes apologize for their abuse, they may continue to do it.

No matter what the situation is, if you are with their family or with your friends or just with your children around, if your husband yells at you in front of anyone can do lasting damage to you, which means that if your husband continues to do it despite the knowledge that they are irreparably hurting you in some way, they are being abusive, so bear in mind that you need to inform them of this too before you classify their behavior as abuse.

You need to also find out if your husband is yelling at you because they are not aware that they are,  because sometimes people get carried away in the heat of the moment and he may have raised his voice to prove a point or to emphasize their opinion or argument, at which point you in which case it is not abusive, and may just be them trying to argue their favor.

Another important distinction to make between your husband yelling at you and verbal abuse is to see how if you are being allowed to make your point just as well and is it hurting you massively in some way? If the answers are no and yes, respectively, then your husband yelling at you is definitely verbal abuse in this case.

If you are being abused in any way, here is a helpline you can reach out on for the necessary help.

You can also call the emergency service provider in your area, if you are being abused, and services like 911 take these calls very seriously.

Psychological Effects of Yelling

There are many psychological effects of yelling, some of which may be long term and some short term, and these effects include the following:

  • Long term effects, like personality problems 
  • Breaking down of a relationship 
  • Chronic pain as a result of mental stress and tension
  • Depression 
  • Unnecessary fight or flight response which causes stress
  • Anger issues
  • Feeling anxious and wired
  • Lack of communication 
  • Frequent Illnesses or infections
  • Weakness and fatigue
  • Teaching the other person that yelling is the only effective way to talk.

How to Cope When My Husband Yells at me in front of his Family?

To cope effectively with a situation when your husband yells at you in front of his family, you may follow the following tips:

  • Calmly, tell him he is yelling and that he shouldn’t.
  • Don’t yell back, stay as calm as possible.
  • Be quiet till he’s all yelled out, then calmly leave the situation.
  • Talk to them once they have calmed down and tell him that it is absolutely not acceptable.
  • Do not forgive them till they show true remorse.
  • If they do it again, take some time apart so they can see how wrong it is.
  • Suggest marital therapy.
  • Do not make excuses for their behavior.

Conclusion

In this brief guide, we looked at what to do in a situation of “My husband yells at me in front of his family”, as well as look at some other things related to yelling, like anxiety when hearing yelling and the effects of your spouse yelling at you. We also looked at ways of coping when your husband keeps yelling at you.

A husband yelling at you, especially in front of their family or your family and children, is an incredibly jarring experience, and it is easy to feel vulnerable and at risk in a situation like that.

There is also the simple fact that when someone starts yelling at you in front of other people, it can also make you feel like they could do so much worse when the other people weren’t around, and it can often be a somewhat dangerous situation as well.

Worse yet, if your husband yells at you in front of his family and they are complicit or ignorant about his behavior despite seeing it happen in front of them, it can feel like a very difficult situation, sometimes even one you may feel like you simply cannot get out of, even.

If you have any questions or comments or if the statement “my husband yells at me in front of his family is applicable to you”, please feel free to reach out to us or one of the abuse helplines we have included in this blog.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs): “My Husband Yells at me in Front of his Family”

Is it normal for your spouse to yell at you?

No, it is not normal for a spouse to yell at you, because marriage is about a partnership, and when one of the spouses starts yelling at the other, it means that they are not treating the other person as an equal, and this can be very damaging to the other person’s self-esteem and to both their physical and mental health.

If your spouse never ever yells at you and in the middle of a particularly stressful time they lose their cool for a minute, that may be different, and perhaps forgivable, but only in the context of their profuse apology and promise to never do it again, but if it is a regular thing you need to tell them that it is simply not okay and that they need to behave better.

What to do when your husband insults you in front of others?

Here are some things to do when your husband insults you in front of others:

Stay calm and don’t yell back, it’ll only make matters worse.
Leave the situation and him and walk away.
Don’t tolerate the behavior and make it amply clear that it is not okay
Don’t look to the others for sympathy or help.
Consider couples therapy if it happens often.

Why does he put me down in front of his friends?

He might put you down in front of his friends because he has negative feelings about himself, which is the most common reason why people put other people down.

Men who put their partners down in front of their friends usually want to make it known that they are the leaders in the relationship and that they are in control of their partner, because is somehow tied to their self-esteem and their need to be seen as competent by their friends.

Another reason he might put you down in front of his friends may be to take away their attention from him because subconsciously he knows that if people are looking to you they will obviously not be criticizing him for anything.

Why do husbands put you down?

A husband might put you down as a means of dealing with their own sense of incompetence or insecurities, and many psychologists say that when someone is putting you down they are actually projecting their negative feelings about themselves on to you.

If your husband is constantly putting you down, you need to make it very clear that that sort of behavior will simply not fly, and if they still don’t learn, you need to leave the situation for good because they are not going to change.

Citations

https://womenosophy.com/husband-insults-word

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/evolution-the-self/201508/does-your-partner-have-rage-attacks-heres-what-do

https://www.lifehack.org/627394/the-best-way-to-react-when-someone-is-shouting-at-you-in-anger

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/emotional-fitness/201002/tips-preventing-those-big-arguments

https://www.nami.org/Blogs/NAMI-Blog/February-2018/The-Problem-with-Yelling#:~:text=Being%20frequently%20yelled%20at%20changes,increasing%20muscular%20tension%20and%20more.

https://www.healthline.com/health/parenting/effects-of-yelling-at-kids

Divya is currently a Clinical Psychology Trainee in a Master of Philosophy program and holds a Master’s in clinical psychology. She has a special interest in Personality studies and disorders, having researched the subject before, and Neuropsychology; with an additional interest being Mood disorders. She likes to write about Psychiatric issues, having worked in multiple specialty setups during her time as a clinical psychology student, and in her free time she likes to cook and read.

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