What to do when my husband raises his voice at me? (9 Tips)

In this brief guide, we will discuss some things you can do if you find yourself asking “What do I do when my husband raises his voice at me?”, and see if we can find ways to start feeling better and not so helpless. We will also look at what happens when your husband raises his voice at you.

My husband raises his voice at me!

Instead of thinking “my husband raises his voice at me, I don’t know what to do”, something to consider is if you might be in an abusive relationship because raising your voice has been considered a sign of domestic abuse for a long time now. If this is the case, you need to get out while the problem is still somewhat under control and go stay with a family member or friend who may look out for you until you can sever ties with your husband.

If you feel that this is not an abusive situation, and your husband raises his voice at you for another reason, you may want to figure out what that reason is and try to fix it so that your marriage might get back on track.

Why is it that my husband raises his voice at me?

If you are wondering why your husband raises his voice at you so often, consider some of these possibilities:

  • He’s a bully
  • He thinks you won’t fight back so you become an easy outlet for frustration
  • He’s stressed about work but doesn’t realize it and just becomes angry
  • He’s depressed
  • He wants to split up but is not able to bring himself to admit it
  • He has anger issues
  • He had parents who fought often and yelled each other too much
  • He has inner emotional turmoil that he is not able to share 

Any expert or just any happily married person would agree that it is never a good situation when you and your husband resort to yelling at each other, and it is even worse when one partner tends to raise their voice at the other even more.

If your husband finds it far too comfortable to scream or yell at you to make his point, it might be time to reconsider who you are married to and have a serious discussion about the screaming matches. 

Also, if you feel that you are spending far too much of your time trying to figure out how to calm or tame your angry and loud husband, you need to admit that there is a serious problem here and the internet may give you the ideas and suggestions you need, but it might be worthwhile to see a marriage counselor or get out of the situation.

What do I do when my husband raises his voice at me?

Before exploring what to do when your husband raises his voice at you, you need to remember that these tips are for situations where the problem is still under control and you are not at a risk for any sort of escalation. 

If you feel that your problem might escalate to physical harm or that your husband might lose his temper further, you need to reach out to either 911 and ask for assistance, or you can call a helpline devoted to domestic abuse victims. You may find such a helpline here and here.

Ways to deal with the problem when your husband raises his voice at you

Talks about the behavior and how it affects you

If you feel that maybe he’s not even aware that he’s raising his voice at you, or if you feel that he has a tendency to just get overwhelmed with so much passion that they can lash out and resort to yelling to make their point, you may want to sit them down once they are calmer and tell them that it is not done.

Once you have his attention and he is ready and willing to listen, try to describe the exact words he uses and try to intimate him of his volume when he is raising his voice at you.

After you have described it, tell him how it makes you feel and that you cannot hear him when he talks that way.

For example, you may say something to the effect of, “You are raising your voice and losing control. When you act this way it makes me feel belittled and unsafe”.

If your husband doesn’t mean to raise his voice at you and simply gets carried away, this could be like a wake-up call or a little verbal smack, and hopefully, he will realize that he has a problem.

Leave the room

Make sure you only try this if you are absolutely sure that you are not at physical risk, because if your husband has a bad temper this can result in physical harm to you.

Instead of being a punching bag to your husband and his verbal abuse, you can choose to leave the explosive situation for a while and let him work it out in his head.

When your husband starts raising his voice at you, let him stop for a second to catch his breath and at that moment tell him in no uncertain terms that he is scaring you with his voice and you don’t feel safe, and that you will see him later, once he has cooled off and is able to talk in a better tone.

This method serves two purposes, one is that it lets you be alone and gives you privacy, and second is that it gives him quiet time to reflect on his abhorrent behavior.

This princess assumes that your husband’s reasoning is still in place and he has inherent decency and will realize that he has not behaved in a good manner, and respect your decision to walk away later.

If your husband is the kind to shout even louder or be threatening when he is in the middle of raising his voice at you, please revisit the idea that he may be a narcissist, a bully, or just plain abusive, and you need to leave the situation for good because no one deserves to be treated like that.

Listen without engaging

If you know that your husband is raising his voice at you without malice or the intention to hurt you or intimidate you in some way, you can try to be a good and quiet listener and let him vent, and you might find that your silence throughout the episode is a rather powerful force.

If your husband tends to get worked up and starts getting loud or unruly, you may sometimes try listening to him and try to figure out if the loudness is even intended for you.

However, you need to ensure that he gets the help he needs because yelling for whatever reason is never constructive, and may speak to a bigger issue.

Encourage the idea of therapy

If your husband is the type of man who doesn’t like to accept that they have anger issues, suggesting therapy might make him angrier at the idea that he needs intervention.

Try to approach the topic when he is not this angry.

You may also try to bring it up in the form of a couple’s therapy situation and make it sound like you want to work on the relationship rather than him.

Once he goes with you he might warm up to the idea and you might actually succeed in getting him the help he needs.

This may work better if you have kids and can remind him how that kind of energy could affect them if he doesn’t stop raising his voice.

You may also tell him that he is unintentionally teaching his children to raise their voices as well and there are chances that they won’t listen to you because they see their father yelling at their mother. 

Ask yourself if he has anger issues

You need to ensure if he is just yelling at you or if he has a legitimate problem.

If he is an abuser, chances are that his behavior is limited only to you, so ask yourself these questions:

  • Would he yell at his boss?
  • Would he yell at his colleagues?
  • Would he yell at his friends?
  • Would he yell at strangers on the street?
  • Would he treat you this way in front of other people?
  • Would he yell at his parents this way?

If you can answer no to any of these, it may mean that your husband raises his voice at you despite the fact that he has the ability to choose not to do this.

Therefore you can ask him to treat you as an equal partner that you are and not someone he has any authority over because he does not.

Conclusion

In this brief guide, we discussed some things you can do if you find yourself asking “What do I do when my husband raises his voice at me?”, and looked at some ways to start feeling better and not so helpless. We also looked at what happens when your husband raises his voice at you. Please feel free to reach out to us with any questions or comments you might have, and if you are a victim of domestic abuse or need assistance, make sure you reach out on the numbers provided in the above article.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs): My husband raises his voice at me

Is raising your voice disrespectful?

Yes, raising your voice is disrespectful because it assumes that the other person is below you in some way and you can threaten or intimidate them.

Raising your voice is also a predatory behavior that implies that you might hurt the other person and it would be your right as a predator, so it can be very disrespectful.

Why does my boyfriend raise his voice at me?

Your boyfriend may raise his voice at you because he feels that he can, without repercussions.

If you don’t want your boyfriend to raise his voice at you, tell him that he can’t and that he has to find constructive ways to express himself.

If your boyfriend still does not stop raising his voice at you, leave him.

Is it normal for a husband to yell at his wife?

No, it is not normal for a husband to yell at his wife.

It is not normal for anyone to yell at another person unless there is a grave mistake of some sort involved. 

Behaviors like yelling, screaming, abusive language, and so on, create a toxic environment for everyone involved.

What to do when your husband takes you for granted?

Here are some things you can do when your husband takes you for granted.

Don’t try to get through to him through Nagging, Arguing, and Anger, even if you are bitter about being taken for granted

Talk to him nicely and explain how you feel

Try to appreciate him Better

Communicate in a Counseling Session.

Why do I cry when someone raises their voice?

You may cry when someone raises their voice because the primitive part of your brain sees it as a threat and responds in an emotional manner to try and subvert the threat.

People may raise their voice because they feel they are not being heard and you may cry when someone raises their voice because you feel that you will not be heard over the yelling, and you may be sensitive to threatening behavior like that.

Citations

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