My boyfriend is depressed and broke up with me (+ Understanding what happens)

This article will discuss what can happen when your boyfriend, who is dealing with depression, breaks up with you. For that, the article will explain what depression is, how it impacts the person’s life and relationship. Along with that, the article will also suggest ways people might cope with a breakup.

Why did my depressed boyfriend break up with me?

There can be many reasons why a person with depression might wish to end their relationship. If you know your boyfriend has been struggling with depression, you might have realized his behaviors have changed over time.

And as their behavior changes with you, as well as with other people, you might start to fear the relationship is reaching its end. When he finally decides to break up, understandably many feelings will arise. 

As with any other breakup, you can feel like you did something wrong, maybe that you didn’t care for them enough. But it is important to keep in mind that, while dealing with depression, especially if he is not under treatment, be it therapy or medication, he might be experiencing intense depressive symptoms, and that is what is controlling their actions and behaviors right now.

If you’re facing this, it may be a good idea to seek the help of a therapist or other mental health professional. You can find a therapist at BetterHelp who can help you learn how to cope and address it.

In case you are new to all this, let’s understand a little about what depression is.

What is depression?

Depression is a mental illness that can cause a person to experience intense sadness, along with that, they might lose hope in life and the future, along with a decreased sense of self-worth and low self-esteem. They can also feel empty, and lose pleasure in activities they used to love.

A person can get depressed for many reasons. But some factors may make it easier for a person to feel depressed. For example, they might be going through a traumatic situation, such as a divorce or the loss of a loved one. Not only that, a person can become depressed because of the imbalance of their brain chemistry.

People might also have a higher chance of getting depressed if they have been through a previous depressive episode, or they have a family history of depression. A person is diagnosed with depression if they have constantly presented its symptoms for more than two weeks.

Not everyone experiences depression the same way when talking about the frequency and intensity of the symptoms. And although that is the case, the most commons symptoms of depression are:

  • Change in sleeping pattern
  • Change in eating pattern
  • Excessive crying or inability to cry even when they want to
  • Fatigue
  • Loss of energy
  • Lack of ability to focus
  • Isolation
  • Guilt
  • Irritability
  • Self-harm
  • Thought of death and suicidal thoughts

How can depression impact a relationship?

Depression can have a big impact on a person’s relationship. It can change their behavior, how they see the world, and relate to people. It usually causes them to have a more negative vision of themselves, so they might feel like a burden to people, which can cause them to distance themselves.

It can also make them feel like they have no energy, as well as being isolated. This can make it hard for them to be around people, even if the person, their partner in that matter, is supportive and understanding. This can make them feel even more guilty about their condition.

They might start to push people away, as a way to not hurt others, and that is when they might break up with their partners. With that in mind, it is safe to say that depression can have an impact on the relationship. 

If you feel, after the breakup, there is still some space and desire to reconnect, especially if all this is new to you, communicating with them, trying to understand how they feel, and maybe being by their side in looking for help can be a good way to rekindle the relationship.

But if he is unavailable to do so, it might be hard to not take it personally, or accept the breakup. But even though you might keep hoping that they will come back, try to focus your energy in your healing process, and on yourself.

So let’s discuss what are ways to cope with a breakup.

How can I cope with this breakup? 

Breakups are always difficult, going through one can be a traumatic experience. And it is a grieving process. Through it, the person will relearn how to live without their partner.

This process has its ups and downs, but while going through it is important to have your friends and loved ones close to you. This will make you feel connected and loved, as it will also give you a space to talk about your feelings and be supported.

Another thing that will help you cope is finding new hobbies and activities. This will be great to learn more about yourself as an individual, and not only with the likes and dislikes that were related to the relationship.

Sometimes finding new places to go, such as art exhibitions, doing a small trip, can give you a clear headspace to think about what has happened and deal with it. But if at any time it seems like coping with this is being too hard for you, don’t hesitate to look for help.

In these situations, a talk therapist can be great. With them, you will build a great space of trust and support. In which you can speak about your thoughts and feelings without being judged. It may help you get a new perspective on what happened.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ): Why did my depressed boyfriend break up with me?

Does a depressed boyfriend come back once they feel better?

It can be, sometimes, that a boyfriend that was battling depression can come back. But that will most frequently happen when they have a better mental state.

This can happen if they dealt with what was going in with them, and still have feelings for you. But this is related to some matters in his life and the relationship. It depends on how much time has passed since the end of the relationship.

Knowing if one of you has moved on is also an aspect to consider about them going back. Aside from that, it is important to know if his depression was caused by a specific situation, or if it is something they are still struggling with because if that is the case, they might not go back until it is resolved.

Another aspect is concerning how the relationship was. If there was something that wasn’t as great or emotionally unhealthy in the relationship, it might be hard for them to come back to it.

Is it common to break up with a person because they have a mental illness?

Having a mental illness doesn’t make it impossible for a person to have a relationship. Even though it may have its ups and downs, so do all relationships. A person with mental illness that is emotionally stable and is in treatment can be as great a partner as any other person.

What is important, when being in a relationship with someone that is struggling with mental illness is to be aware if they are looking for treatment, or are sticking to the one they are in. This will let you know how aware they are of their condition, and how committed they are to getting better. 

And although sometimes they might not feel like their best self, a little support can go a long way, but again, keep in mind that not feeling good is something everyone experiences from time to time. You can help them, if they want, to look for treatment, or to just hear them out when they don’t feel good.

How can I enjoy a relationship with someone with depression?

The first thing to do is to remember that not all relationships are perfect. Be your partner mentally healthy or not. But when you are in one with depression, an important thing to do is understand and learn more about the condition. 

Through that, you both will learn the best ways to help and communicate with each other. Don’t let yourself get caught up in their diagnosis, enjoy the relationship as you would with any other one. Don’t let this impact how much you admire your partner, but also leave an open door for checking on each other.

Try to have a routine that will take care of both your emotional and mental health needs. Understand how each of you is responsible for caring for others, but at the same time, the other person is not responsible for fulfilling your every need.

If, at any time, you see it is needed, find couples counseling, this will help you both deal with the challenges that may come. And as long as you are open to it, learn and grow with the challenges.

What are the signs of an unhealthy relationship?

When people are in an unhealthy relationship they might notice some signs of it. The first thing is people become dishonest. It can come from little white lies to more serious matters. Along with that, your partner can become controlling.

This is something that usually escalates as time goes by, and its main focus is to remove the person’s autonomy and independence. They will do that to achieve their goals, which can be keeping the relationship as is or getting you to do something for them.

People may also start to avoid spending time with their partners. And if you don’t want to spend time together, why be in a relationship with the person? 

It can also be that they start to affect your sense of security. They can try to make you feel insecure about yourself and the relationship, and with that, the relationship might become co-dependent. They need something from you, and you don’t want to be left. It might be good to start considering what to do in the future about this relationship.

How to break up with someone you still love?

When you are breaking up with someone you are still in love with, it might be good, to be honest. Tell them how you feel, but what is causing you to think that breaking up is the way to go.

Be respectful, genuine, and careful. You can tell them you are sorry it didn’t work out, and let them

know what could happen for them to have a better relationship in the future.


This article showed why a depressed boyfriend might break up with their partner. For that, the article explained what depression is, and in what ways depression impacts a person’s romantic relationship. Along with that, the article explained how a person can cope with a breakup.

If you have any questions or comments about this article, feel free to write it in the section below.


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