What is the link between INFJs and Borderline Personality Disorder?

In this blog, we will explore all about INFJs and Borderline Personality Disorder, and also cover who is an INFJ, what is a borderline personality disorder, the relationship between INFJs and BPD, quiet BPD, and answer frequently asked questions. 

What is the link between INFJs and Borderline Personality Disorder?

The link between INFJs and BPD is that people who are the INFJ type on the MBTI personality inventory often show symptoms of borderline personality disorder but that does not mean that every INFJ has BPD or every person with BPD is an INFJ.

We will go on to talk about INFJs and Borderline Personality Disorder, but before we get to that we need to have an understanding of who is an INFJ and all about Borderline personality disorder. 

Who is an INFJ?

Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, and Judging personality qualities define an INFJ. They have a strong sense of contemplation and imagination when it comes to life. In whatever they do, their inner vision, personal ideals, and a modest, principled kind of humanism lead them.

INFJ’s are the most uncommon of all personality kinds. They leave their imprint on the world. They have a strong sense of idealism and ethics, but they aren’t idle dreamers; they work hard to achieve their objectives and leave a lasting impression.

INFJ’s are complex and flexible due to their unique combination of personality qualities. Advocates, for example, might speak with zeal and conviction, especially when defending their principles. They may, on the other hand, prefer to be soft-spoken and subdued at other times, preferring to maintain peace rather than question people.

What is a borderline personality disorder (BPD)? 

A borderline personality disorder is a mental disorder that affects how you think and feels about yourself and others, making it difficult to function in daily life. Self-esteem concerns, difficulty managing emotions and behavior, and a habit of insecure relationships are all part of it.

People with BPD may have a strong fear of abandonment or instability, find it difficult to tolerate being alone. Even if you wish to have meaningful and lasting relationships, improper anger, impulsiveness, and frequent mood swings may push others away.

Borderline personality disorder usually begins in early adulthood. The issue appears to be worsening in young adulthood and may improve with age. 

If you’re facing this, it may be a good idea to seek the help of a therapist or other mental health professional. You can find a therapist at BetterHelp who can help you learn how to cope and address it.

Relationship between INFJ personality and borderline personality disorder

An INFJ comes to have a lot of emotional stress centered around their relationships, particularly friendships and romantic interests. They have a lot of high points and low points related to communicating and relating with friends, especially those they meet online through apps and dating sites. 

They seek deep intimacy and connection with new friends to the point where the relationship feels one-sided – with them initiating a lot of the conversation and asking the other person intimate questions to continue getting to know them more and more. 

This happens particularly with INTPs, as INFJ’s are able to easily build rapport with those types and they often seem to like them. When INFJs connect with others in a meaningful sense like shared interests, activities, etc., they feel happy. 

Alternatively, if there are times when they don’t hear from their close ones whom they feel connected to, it results in feelings of sadness, they take it as a sign of drifting apart from the other person, but they will not express their real emotions as they think that telling others about their struggles might be a turn off for others, make people uncomfortable, and reject them. 

INFJs make an effort to evaluate others’ interests/preferences and modify their own conduct to what they believe others might enjoy. (If others expect their friends to be hilarious, they attempt to bring their fun side up frequently, and so on.) They also frequently mimic their friends’ texting habits, including utilizing the same acronyms, emoticons, and words as their buddies.

They begin to idealize others, and they frequently utilize their approval as external validation to bolster their self-worth. Even if they try to cut back the feelings of infatuation they have for them, and stop visualizing a future with them, their desire to idealize them still lingers.

They frequently say things like “You’re the best,” and they truly mean it. However, they are aware that this person is just another flawed (though well-intentioned) human, and that spending time with them will not “complete their life” or anything.

They can’t help but perceive them as near-perfect, and almost everything they do is automatically okay with INFJs on the outside, even if it makes them unhappy, uncomfortable, or annoyed on the inside. They frequently dismiss their feelings.

These concerns link to a “turbulent” INFJ with low-self esteem. After all, INFJs are recognised for being sensitive, empathic, idealistic, and perceptive when it comes to others. It’s normal for an INFJ to want to know everything there is to know about other people, but going that far might lead to over-attachment and over-investment in others. Because of this, INFJs are hesitant to interact with strangers.

What is a quiet borderline personality disorder? 

Quiet borderline personality disorder (BPD) is not a diagnostic subtype; rather, it’s a term used to describe persons who satisfy the diagnostic criteria for borderline personality disorder but don’t fit the normal profile.

“Borderline personality disorder is a condition characterized by a persistent pattern of fluctuating moods, self-image, and behavior,” according to the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH).

These symptoms frequently lead to rash decisions and relational issues. Anger, despair, and anxiety bouts can last anywhere from a few hours to days in people with a borderline personality disorder.”

Those with silent BPD have internalized emotional episodes, as opposed to the conventional presentation of BPD, which includes angry outbursts and evident and outer self-destructiveness (they turn their anger inward).

As a result, silent BPD frequently goes untreated or is misdiagnosed. BPD is also referred to as “high-functioning” BPD in some cases.

Symptoms of quiet BPD 

If you’re unsure whether you or someone you know is suffering from quiet borderline personality disorder, it’s a good idea to review some of the most prevalent indications and symptoms. The truth is that quiet BPD is more difficult to detect than regular BPD because the symptoms are not always visible.

While someone with typical BPD may display outward indications of wrath, someone with quiet BPD may channel that rage inward and engage in self-destructive actions.

A person with normal BPD may have sobbing fits or tantrums, but someone with quiet BPD may grow gloomy and withdraw. Some of the most typical characteristics of quiet BPD are listed below.

  • Boundaries that are unhealthy
  • Obsessing over a specific individual and wanting to spend as much time with them as possible
  • When you’re feeling overwhelmed, you may use self-isolation or avoidance as a kind of self-protection.
  • Self-harm is concealed from others, such that they are unaware that something is wrong.
  • In a quiet way, being cruel to others (e.g., giving the silent treatment)
  • All of a sudden, being filled with a sense of hopelessness (e.g., existential angst)
  • Having a negative or rapidly fluctuating self-perception
  • Fear of being rejected.
  • Mood fluctuations that might last anywhere from a few hours to several days (but that appear invisible to outsiders)
  • An unhealthy tendency of idealizing others before depreciating and dismissing them.
  • Taking minor details too seriously (e.g., assuming someone is ignoring you)
  • Thoughts that race or are warped
  • Fear of being alone or of alienating others
  • Self-sabotage prevents you from achieving your objectives
  • Have trouble expressing your emotions
  • Inside, you’re feeling numb or empty.
  • Feeling as though you are in a state of hypervigilance

Treatment of quiet BPD 

Some individuals with quiet BPD may believe they are unworthy of help since their problems are “not that serious.” Perhaps you appear to be operating in most areas of your life, and everything appears to be great on the surface. However, there are a number of effective medications available to deal with the symptoms of quiet BPD. Here are some options to think about.

  • Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT)

Cognitive behavioral therapy is a type of talk therapy that focuses on changing unhelpful ideas and habits that are perpetuating your difficulties. A CBT therapist will ask you to keep thought diaries in order to evaluate your thoughts for distortions like “black and white thinking” or “emotional reasoning.”

After that, you’ll be asked to come up with alternative adaptive thoughts to replace them. Slowly scrutinizing your thoughts and being aware of thinking errors might help you gain control of racing thoughts and react to your perceptions of situations rather than the situations themselves over time.

  • Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)

DBT (dialectical behaviour therapy) was created primarily to treat borderline personality disorder. DBT’s goal is to teach you how to use mindfulness to regulate stress, emotions, and distress. The goal is to improve your ability to interact with people while avoiding self-destructive behaviours.

DBT teaches you that your feelings matter and that you should express them (even if you haven’t done so in the past). You’ll also discover what the “smart mind” is and how it might help you relax.

Coping with quiet BPD 

Tell a trusted friend or family member that you self-harm on occasion. Tell them what situations make you feel triggered, and work together to develop a system for identifying these triggers and selecting a different coping method (e.g., writing on your skin instead, snapping an elastic band)

If you’re having trouble and haven’t gotten help yet, reach out to a professional. Adopt a healthy diet and a consistent sleep schedule.

Be aware of your feelings and check-in with yourself every few hours to see how you’ve been feeling. Every night, write in a notebook about the feelings you felt that day and how you dealt with them.


We discussed the relationship between INFJs and BPD in-depth and also described who are INFJs, what is a borderline personality disorder, and all about quiet BPD

Frequently asked questions (FAQs): What is the link between INFJs and Borderline Personality Disorder?

What are the causes of quiet BPD?

Personality issues run in the family (hinting at a genetic susceptibility)

Having been subjected to abuse, neglect, abandonment, or trauma as a child

A history of a previous mental illness (e.g., eating disorder, anxiety disorder, depression, bipolar disorder, substance abuse)\

How is quiet BPD diagnosed?

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders has a list of symptoms that might be used to diagnose a quiet borderline personality disorder (DSM-5). To be diagnosed, you must meet five of the nine criteria listed below (paraphrased):

  • frantically attempting to prevent actual or imagined abandonment
  • Having an unstable identity or image of yourself\sProblems with impulsive or risky behaviour
  • Self-harm or suicidal ideation on a regular basis
  • A persistent sense of emptiness
  • Anger that is extreme or unrestrained

Is the INFJ personality type a personality disorder?

The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator identifies 16 personality types, including INFJ (MBTI). Scoring as an INFJ suggests your personality type is best described as Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, and Judging.

INFJs: are they unstable?

They may be more unstable, unsure of themselves, and insecure.

They’re stuck in a loop. Because INFJs are introverts, it can be tempting for them to remain in their reclusive roles.

Is bipolar disorder bipolar?

Although BPD and bipolar disorder have some symptoms, they are totally different disorders. Bipolar disorder is a mood disorder, while BPD is a personality disorder. BPD can be difficult to treat. Research is being conducted to aid in the development of novel ways for caring for persons with BPD and improving their quality of life.

Can INFJs be psychopaths?

Yes, INFJs can be psychopaths, and Hitler was an INFJ psychopath. Psychopaths, on average, show their tendencies at a young age; they may not be visible to everyone because they are covert, but close family members will detect red flags.



Was this helpful?

Thanks for your feedback!