ISTJ and INFJ relationships (A complete guide)

This blog will discuss the compatibility of an INFJ and ISTJ in a relationship. It will define both the INFJ and ISTJ personalities and will list the traits of both personalities.

Compatibility of an INFJ and ISTJ relationship

The compatibility of the ISTJ and INFJ relationship is dependent on the following factors:

  • Thinker vs. Feeler
  • Harmony vs. conflict
  • Showing affection
  • Objective vs. biased
  • Sensing vs. Intuition
  • Relaxed vs. uptight

Thinker vs. Feeler

The ISTJ possesses the Thinking function while the INFJ possesses the Feeling function. 

The ISTJ may be attracted to the INFJ’s compassion and warmth toward them and other people and themselves. On the other hand, the INFJ may be attracted to the objective, tough-minded ISTJ who can take and give criticism with ease.

This fundamental difference impacts the quality of the relationship between the two personalities greatly. 

For starters, the ISTJ  may hurt the INFJ with their straightforward and sometimes rude words. The INFJ is driven to be emotionally sensitive by their Feeling function. Therefore,  they can’t help taking any words spoken to them personally.

When criticized by the ISTJ, the INFP always reciprocates with a  larger than expected emotional blow-up. The ISTJ cannot deal with or understand an emotional outburst which will be troublesome for both parties.

Harmony vs. conflict

The INFJ is an individual that values harmony and wishes for people to always get along. As a result, they are conflict-avoidant people. The ISTJ is a blunt and uncompromising person who faces conflict head-on. 

Due to this, the ISTJ has problems understanding the logic behind avoiding conflict and promoting harmony. As far as the ISTJ is concerned, the INFJ’s habit of avoiding conflict leaves many problems unaddressed and unresolved. This may lead to friction in the relationship.

Showing affection

The INFJ is gifted in the area of showing their loved ones affection. It comes naturally to them to say things like ‘I love you’ or do something nice for their partner. 

The ISTJ is unfortunately handicapped in the area of showing or expressing affection verbally. They opt to show how they feel through actions such as helping out with chores or buying presents.

The INFJ’s need for words of affirmation may leave them feeling unfulfilled in their relationship with an ISTJ.

Objective vs biased

ISTJs focus on concrete objective details. They are bound by rules and regulations. INFJs are more focused on theories and abstract concepts. This difference can put them at odds. 

The ISTJ may view the INFJs inability to focus on logical details as biased, naive, and oblivious. On the other, the INFJs may consider ISTJs to be narrow-minded and rigid.

Sensing vs. Intuition

The ISTJ is a sensor, this entails that they are the insightful people who focus on the present and information they receive from their five senses. They also pay particular attention to everyday details and they are not future-oriented. 

The INFJ is intuitive, this entails that they see things from a big picture and are strategic. They have a very outlandish imagination with big dreams and visions.

This difference in perception of reality and time plays a huge role in making the relationship succeed. 

The advantage may be that the ISTJ will help bring the INFJ back to reality when they go overboard with impractical and unrealistic ideas. The INFJ will encourage the ISTJ to think up many various possibilities and think more about the future.

However, they may have a challenge when finding a common topic for discussion because Sensors enjoy talking about everyday happenings while Intuitive enjoy ideas, trends, and theories. 

These differences in interest may mean the couple may have little or no chemistry. Which means they will be unable to connect effectively through conversations.

Relaxed vs. uptight

The ISTJ is, for a lack of a better term, uptight. They are constantly fussing about order and focus on the process of getting tasks completed. Whether at home or work they need things neatly organized and done at specific scheduled times. 

On the other hand, the INFJ is a more relaxed person. They take each day as it comes. They throw themselves into work or activities with no particular plan and figure out what to do in the process. 

This disparity may cause problems in the relationship as the ISTJ may find the INFJ’s lack of interest in everyday living and managing household tasks to be frustrating.

They won’t understand why INFJs are always daydreaming and pondering about the deep things of life while they are the ones taking care of the duties of the household.

On the other hand, the INFJ’s lack of interest or participation in chores while provokes the ISTJ’s controlling side. The ISTJ will nag the INFJ until they comply. This may be overbearing and annoying for the INFJ which could cause contention in the relationship.

The INFJ and ISTJ personality

ISTJ:

The ISTJ (Introverted, Sensing, Thinking, and Judging) is one of the 16 personality types on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI).

The ISTJ spends a lot of time alone (Introverted), is mainly drawn to facts, evidence, and details over theories and beliefs (Sensing), make decisions by methods of critical analysis and logical reasoning (Thinking) and likes to weigh things against each other (Judging).

INFJ:

The INFJ (Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, and Judging) is one of the 16 personality types on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI).

INFJs are known for being compassionate and their integrity. An INFJ reflects on their intuitions and may be seen as deep and at times complex. 

Because of their Intuition function, they are often driven to act based on their visions and hunches. They may not share these intuitive feelings with others because they want to avoid scrutiny.

The traits of both ISTJ and INFJ

INFJ Traits:

  • They are very loyal to their values and beliefs
  • They are very devoted to their loved ones.
  • Desire strongly for their lives to align with their values.
  • INFJs are naturally curious
  • They have a knack for seeing possibilities
  • Are good at supporting others in their projects
  • Seek to understand people and to help them fulfill their potential
  • They are adaptable and flexible
  • They are usually accommodating as long as their values are not threatened
  • They search for the underlying meaning of information
  • They have a habit of expressing themselves through metaphors
  • They are constantly working on improving themselves
  • They always the quality and standard of their lives 
  • The INFJ is a good balance of organization and flexibility

ISTJ traits:

  • They are earnest
  • They are very thorough
  • They are very routine-oriented
  • Have a no-nonsense attitude
  • They do their tasks coherently by scheduling all activities carefully
  • They are very loyal and devoted
  • They are introverts and so they enjoy being alone
  • They go to great lengths to keep promises they make 

Conclusion

This blog discussed the compatibility of an INFJ and ISTJ in a relationship. It defined both the INFJ and ISTJ personalities and listed the traits of both personalities.

The compatibility of the ISTJ and INFJ relationship is dependent on the following factors:

  • Thinker vs. Feeler
  • Harmony vs. conflict
  • Showing affection
  • Objective vs. biased
  • Sensing vs. Intuition
  • Relaxed vs. uptight

Thank you for reading this blog, leave your thoughts in the comment section below.

Frequently Asked Questions: ISTJ and INFJ relationships

Why do ISTJs like INFJs?

ISTJs like INFJs for their ability to express, analyze and handle emotions. ISTJs also appreciate people who can stand for something, and INFJs can be as idealistic as they come. ISTJs like people who can commit and be dependable.

Who Should an INFJ marry?

The INFJ’s natural partner is the ENTP or the ENFP. INFJ’s dominant function of Introverted Intuition is best matched with a personality type that is dominated by Extraverted Intuition.

Do INFJs fall in love easily?

Yes, INFJs fall in love easily, but this does not happen quickly. They often take time before really opening up to someone, and so falling in love can be a slow process for the INFJ. 

Are INFJ smart?

Yes, INFJs are often viewed as highly intelligent people by most. Their intelligence is very connected to their intuition

How does an INFJ show love?

INFJs show love by spending quality time with their loved ones. They also give words of affirmation and physical touch.

Why do INFJs stare?

INFJs stare because the Introverted Intuition (Ni), combined with the inferior Extraverted Sensing (Se) cognitive processes, work in unity to make INFJs intensely focused. This intense focus makes them stare at people and things.

References

Lewin K, (1935), A Dynamic Theory of Personality, McGraw-Hill; New York, NY, USA. PDF

Rajagopalan & Guruswami, (2015), “Relationship between Personality Traits and the Psychological Biases of Retail Investors – An Empirical Study”, Vidyasagar University Journal of Commerce, Vol. 20. PDF

Divya is currently a Clinical Psychology Trainee in a Master of Philosophy program and holds a Master’s in clinical psychology. She has a special interest in Personality studies and disorders, having researched the subject before, and Neuropsychology; with an additional interest being Mood disorders. She likes to write about Psychiatric issues, having worked in multiple specialty setups during her time as a clinical psychology student, and in her free time she likes to cook and read.