ISTJ and INFJ relationships on Reddit

This blog is an in-depth analysis of ISTJ and INFJ relationships and how they play out among people in real life. By understanding the experiences of people we can compare our theoretical knowledge to reality. 

Questions and topics discussed on Reddit about ISTJ and INFJ relationships

The following are the most frequently discussed ISTJ and INFJ relationship questions and topics:

  • Pros and cons of an INFJ/ISTJ relationship?
  • Any INFj ISTJ romance?
  • How is your relationship or marriage with INFJs?
  • Any of y’all fall for an INFJ? If so, why?

Pros and cons of an INFJ/ISTJ relationship?

(This question was answered by INFJs)

“I’ve tried it twice and will never do it again. I’ve never been more bored and misunderstood.”

“It’s funny because a very good and sweet ISTJ seems interesting to us on the surface. But when you get to know each other, you realize how differently you approach the same problem. The values between us conflict too much and it can’t last for very long or be sufficiently intimate for the INFJ’s needs.”

“I have been with my ISTJ for 11 years now and we make one hell of a team. I heard this couple’s therapist once said, “A partner should help you reach your dreams.” This has been the case with my spouse. I have (grand) ideas for our future, my ISTJ can put in the step-by-step work to get us there. Every idea that I’ve had for our future has come through with their help. Lots of these ideas are out of the box, and it took time and explaining to convince them, but after enough evidence they go all in.”

“Both personalities are homebodies. There isn’t this pressure to go out all the time, and on the flip side, no one is left at home by themself.”

“……I had this relationship with an ISTJ in the past that didn’t even seem like one because I never saw them because they never went out.”

“The ISTJ guy I dated taught me how to do some practical things, he was low key, low drama. We had good conversations about science, politics, technology. I was taken care of in terms of practical needs, e.g. meals, travel plans, hiking, and camping needs he found me really funny which was nice he was the first guy to treat me as a person, instead of as a female object to win over.”

“The ISTJ man I dated for six months was unable to adapt, he had major emotional understanding and relations problems. He wasn’t really funny and when things were not going well for him he completely shut me out.”

“ …..ISTJs are very clean and tidy, good at sticking to systems (I appreciate this looking back now because the current people I live with cannot put things back into kitchen cupboards where they came from if their life depended on it). I’m not especially keen on cleanliness/tidiness but I just want to know that if I need something I only need to look in one location for it….. You get through daily life much less efficiently when relying on people who can’t handle systems.”

“My ISTJ girlfriend would get upset if things didn’t go according to her plan or if she made certain practical slip-ups. I found the strength of her emotional reaction to this hard to understand. For example, she left my car door unlocked overnight one time. I was like “Oh, that’s surprising” when I realized the next day but she was flagellating herself for it. I had to be firm like “Hey. It’s my car and it’s alright, nothing happened. Yeah someone could have stolen the car hypothetically but it didn’t happen, we’re here now, it’s okay, it’s all good! It’s over……”

“…….he occasionally got annoyed or frustrated at me because he said I asked too many questions, especially “Why?” He didn’t enjoy rambling, exploratory discussions……any extra romantic effort I made was completely lost on him. Like I’d go to the effort to do something extra nice for him and take him to a beautiful setting and he would sit or stand somewhere away from me and occupy himself with something else. He’d be like “Oh this is nice” and then not even touch or hug me or register that I’m there sharing space with him….”

“I felt alone in my relationship with my ISTJ while he felt completely fulfilled and happy in the relationship. I will never date an ISTJ again.”

“My relationship went only ever on his terms, he simply couldn’t do or try anything else no matter how much we discussed things. I mean he was well-intentioned and really wanted the relationship to work, he just simply could not do anything differently and it was so boring.”


“……In a casual non-committed relationship, yes. It’s been 10 months. Conversations are very one-note when the other person only has a handful of subjects they know well and can’t seem to see other possibilities or think past their stored bank of knowledge and experience. 

My ISTJ isn’t what I’d call visionary and I end up explaining connections despite very high intelligence and superior comprehension most of the time. We just process differently and it shows. There are certain levels of connection but they are extremely limited. 

It is quite boring after just a day and I need a week of no contact (sometimes two) to reset and shed the malaise that accompanies the mounting tedium I feel during the experience. It’s mostly physical and fun socially…until it’s not and I need a break. I would never attempt to commit or make it more than it is because there just isn’t enough there.”

Any INFj ISTJ romance?

(This question was also answered by INFJs)

“Married one and for many reasons divorced. I highly do not recommend it. Find a type with intuition as the first or second function (and who is an overarchingly healthy person) for the best results in romance.”

“Yeah, we didn’t work out either. I find the stability good or I did with him but the ‘always right’ thing and the rigidity where he just could not see my viewpoint at all I found difficult to deal with especially emotional decisions. I’m hoping I will eventually meet someone else and can have a full life, hopefully, someone more suited to me long, long term. Obviously, when I got married I thought that person was my husband but life…….”

“No, but I have two good ISTJ female friends. I feel like ISTJs bring a sense of stability and straightforwardness that is really good for me.”

How is your relationship or marriage with INFJs?

(This question was answered by ISTJs)

“I’m an ISTJ and though I’ve never had any romantic relationships with an INFJ, my roommate is one. We have lived together for four years, and she is one of the best friends I’ve ever had. However, I do think we are very different people in some regards. I’m much more of a responsible, clean-the-house sort of person. 

She also seems to not value routine as much as I do. I feel as though this might cause issues for me if I were to date an INFJ like this (not to say all INFJs are the same). Honestly, if you’re dating an ISTJ, I would ask what they think about marriage. Chances are they’ve already thought about it.”

“For perspective, I was married to an ENFP for almost 13 years. Am now in a relationship with an INFJ for a year. I find my INFJ so much easier to handle than my old chaotic ENFP. I really like my INFJ, the best relationship I’ve had so far on just about every level (you just have to understand their feelings).

I don’t know if that’s because everything seems better coming away from a relationship with an ENFP or not. But yes, I find a relationship with an INFJ is very doable for me as an ISTJ. We are also aware of each other’s personalities ahead of time, that seems to be helpful just for awareness.”

“If any ISTJ is reading this, avoid INFJs, they will destroy you!”

“I dated an INFJ for much of last year. The thing that struck me the most after the relationship is how blind both partners were to what the other valued. 

Most of my focus was on practical, material things – trying to ensure that we were secure and stable – where her motivations were often on another emotional level that was hard for me to understand (because it would often encourage impractical or self-limiting decisions).

This clash in values and the lack of appreciation for romantic effort because it was not done in the preferred style doomed it to fail.”

Any of y’all fall for an INFJ? If so, why?

(This question was answered by ISTJs).

“INFJs are getting so much hate recently, I love them as long as they don’t get mad at me.”

“I fell for her because she was so different to me honestly. I had never dated someone so caring, intuitive and we had some of the best conversations of anyone I’ve dated as well.”

“It ended up not working because we were too different in my opinion. It was very refreshing coming from dating an INFP (I believe that was her type, it’s been a couple of years) to find someone that felt like we filled in any gaps each of us had. 

Unfortunately, there were problems we couldn’t agree on, and her being flighty on things in general, which led to us to drifting apart and we recently had an amicable breakup. 

We’re still friends, and I honestly think it’ll be nice to have my opposite type as a friend.”


This blog was an in-depth analysis of ISTJ and INFJ relationships and how they play out among people in real life. By understanding the experiences of people we can compare our theoretical knowledge to reality. 

The following are the most frequently discussed ISTJ and INFJ relationship questions and topics:

  • Pros and cons of an INFJ/ISTJ relationship?
  • Any INFj ISTJ romance?
  • How is your relationship or marriage with INFJs?
  • Any of y’all fall for an INFJ? If so, why?

Hope this blog gave some insight on ISTJ and INFJ relationships. Let us know in the comment section below.

Frequently Asked Questions: ISTJ and INFJ relationships Reddit

Who should Istj marry?

The ISTJ’s natural partner is the ESFP or the ESTP. ISTJ’s dominant function of Introverted Sensing is best matched with a partner whose personality is dominated by Extraverted Sensing.

Are INFJ and ISTJ compatible?

Yes, INFJs and ISTJs are compatible because they share two preferences; one for introversion and one for judging. This helps their relationship as they tend to take their relationships seriously and are more fond of long-term serious relationships than casual flings.

What do ISTJs hate?

ISTJs hate the following things:

Messy and sloppy people
Incompetent people
Emotional people
Any kind of change 
Sudden change in plans

Are ISTJs mysterious?

Yes, ISTJs seem mysterious because they are very private people who often keep to themselves.

What is the loneliest personality type?

The INTJ is the loneliest Personality type.

Which personality type is the scariest?

The scariest personality type is INTJ because they won’t let you know when they’re angry until you feel the consequences of your actions. 


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