In this article, we will discuss the INFJ door slam. We will do that by giving a brief overview of INFJ personality. We will move on to explain what door slamming is and it’s types. We will discuss possible reasons for door slamming, how to prevent it, and situations in which the door may re-open, and when it should remain shut.
INFJ door slam
INFJ personalities may engage in door slamming behavior especially when things get overwhelming and they have no choice. Door slamming refers to cutting those people out of your life that are toxic and harmful to a person’s mental health. INFJs may engage in confrontational or subtle door slamming behavior in which they either directly or indirectly/emotionally disconnect from toxic people. They may give multiple chances to others before resorting to a door slam. Although the possibility of reopening the door is always there, it depends on how willing and motivated the other person is to change in order to keep INFJ in their life.
INFJ: The Advocate (Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, Judging)
The INFJ personality type from the Myer-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) is based on Carl Jung’s 16 personality types. It describes people who are caring, sensitive, idealistic, keeps to themselves, have a strong sense of right and wrong, and are future-oriented. They like contemplating life and the meaning of existence. Although they are idealistic, they do not just fantasize about making a difference. They actually do it by taking action which makes them unique. INFJ can be stubborn at times in their viewpoints. They are emotionally intelligent, sensitive to their emotions, and prioritize fulfilling the needs of others before their own. Their decision making employs both their thoughts and emotions. INFJ ae present-oriented and in tune with their surroundings. These personalities are very rare and only 1-3% of them exist in the world.
Door Slamming refers to the idea of shutting someone out of your life. It means that you disconnect with your relationships and cut people out due to personal circumstances. INFJ personality engages in door slamming behavior frequently. The intensity of it may vary from individual to individual.
Types of door slamming
INFJ personality may or may not keep in contact with people they have cut out from their life. This especially depends upon how frequently they are exposed to those people in their personal or professional life. Types of door slamming may be direct/confrontational and indirect/emotional.
Emotional door slam refers to the idea that INFJs tolerate certain people but emotionally disconnect with them and do not let their thoughts, feelings, and the inner world to be occupied with such people. They also protect themself from being vulnerable around them They employ this strategy in order to prevent hurting the other person by confronting them and also keeping themself safe as well. It can be are a win-win strategy.
If you’re facing this, it may be a good idea to seek the help of a therapist or other mental health professional. You can find a therapist at BetterHelp who can help you learn how to cope and address it.
Door slamming can get confrontational and dramatic in some cases. It can happen in romantic relationships or with close friends. In such situations, INFJ may directly slam the door and express that they will cut the other person out of their life. This includes disconnecting with them from daily life, social media, and any other means of contact. For INFJ, these people minimize to nothingness for them as they make every trace of such people disappear from their life. It also includes throwing away any presence, or objects with whom the memory of such people is associated.
Door Slamming-A gradual process
Other people may perceive such door slamming behavior as surprising and out of the blue. However, INFJ does not usually act instantly without thinking through things. They give the other person many chances. Things continue to build up for a long time which may push them over the edge. So, when they reached their limit, they decided= to not let things continue and cut these people out to prevent their toxic behavior from affecting them.
Reasons behind door slamming
Possible factors that may contribute to door slamming behavior for INFJ includes the following:
- Door slamming may take place when certain people are toxic and hurtful. It is done as a protective strategy to prevent from getting harmed.
- Another reason could be that despite multiple attempts, INFJ could not make the situation better by communication or some other preventive measures. In order to stop the emotional pain, they had no choice but to cut those people out especially because they strive for harmony and strong emotional support in their life. For them to thrive, it is important that they are mentally healthy and not always an open target for people to take advantage of.
- Generally, INFJs are forgiving people who tolerate the mistakes or the shortcomings of others. They give people a chance to apologize and make up for their mistakes. However, when people do not back up their apologies with action and continue to be draining and damaging, INFJ may reach their limit and decide to slam the door as the last option.
An explanation for door slamming given by an INFJ suggests that:
‘“If an INFJ reads that the other person is taking more than they’re giving — forcing the bank balance into the red — the relationship becomes untenable and the INFJ will simply end it without warning.”
Re-opening of the door
Many people wonder if the door can be reopened after it has been slammed once. The possibility of such happening depends on a few things. First is that INFJ must feel ready to let such people in their life again. They need to be sure that the other person would not hurt them. Along with that, the person is aware of the pain their actions had caused them and are willing to change. In this case, the door may be reopened in order to amend things.
Another possibility is that INFJ may have cut the people out too quickly from their lives without evaluating things properly. They could have acted on their emotions and not thought things through. The door slamming may have been a reaction to bottled up feelings which were unprocessed and unaddressed. So, instead of letting the other person know that they had hurt INFJs, they had cut them out without any explanation.
In such circumstances, it is possible that INFJ may reconsider opening the door and having an open communication. They might consider setting boundaries with such people to prevent things like this from happening again.
When the door should remain closed
INFJs are helping personalities who understand other people. They are always willing to assist others in their growth and help them process their personal and emotional issues. They may even try to save others. However, in the process, they may get taken advantage of by people who are toxic such as narcissistic and emotionally needy personalities. It is important that in such situations, INFJ remembers to set boundaries and keep the door closed especially if the other person was emotionally and physically abusive, emotionally draining, cheated/deceived/and took advantage of them. They need to remember that
“When you notice someone does something toxic the first time, don’t wait for the second time before you address it or cut them off. Many survivors are used to the “wait and see” tactic which only leaves them vulnerable to a second confrontation. As your boundaries get stronger, the wait time gets shorter. You never have to justify your intuition.”― Shahida Arabi
How to avoid an INFJ door slam
To prevent INFJ from cutting you off from their life, it is important that communication is open. The words, emotions, and treatment really matter if someone wants to keep INFJs in their life. One needs to reciprocate the emotions, respect, and support to them, and establish a relationship that is based on balance. One should also try to be emotionally intelligent and empathic while trying to respect the boundaries of INFJ.
FAQs: INFJ door slam
What does an INFJ door slam feel like?
An INFJ door slam may be direct or confrontational. In this type of door slam, INFJ may cut people off from their life by directly expressing it to the other person. It can get intense and dramatic. In other cases, the door slam may be subtle and emotional. In these cases, INFJ may emotionally disconnect from toxic people who are the source of their pain. They try to minimize their interaction with such people and do not let them enter their minds or life.
How do you activate an INFJ door slam?
An INFJ door slam may be activated if the other person repeatedly engages in abusive behavior at a physical, emotional, and verbal level. They frequently overstep their boundaries and are always complaining about their life to INFJ. Furthermore, such people are the source of conflicts and unnecessary drama. To prevent such people from hurting them, INFJ may decide to cut them out from their life.
What are INFJs scared of?
It is possible that INFJs are afraid of being vulnerable in front of others. It is hard for them to express their fears and private lives. They are afraid of abandonment and allowing himself to be loved by others.
Do INFJ’s hide their emotions?
Whether an INFJ hides their emotion depends on the individual. Some INFJ’s are highly perceptive and keep their emotions to themself to prevent certain situations from escalating. They may express their emotions when the situation is safe and comfortable for them..
In this article, we discussed the INFJ door slam. We found that INFJ personalities may engage in door slamming behavior especially when things get overwhelming and they have no choice. Door slamming refers to cutting those people out of your life that are toxic and harmful to a person’s mental health. INFJs may engage in confrontational or subtle door slamming behavior in which they either directly or indirectly/emotionally disconnect from toxic people. They may give multiple chances to others before resorting to a door slam. Although the possibility of reopening the door is always there, it depends on how willing and motivated the other person is to change in order to keep INFJ in their life.
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