I Experimented With A Guy: Bisexuality in Men (A guide)

In this brief guide, we will discuss the statement “I experimented with a guy”, and share some experiences of people who have experimented with other guys and how they felt about it. Dating sites have facilitated ways for all to experiment and try new things without much effort anyway. It can especially be very awkward when you meet someone for the first time after online interaction.

I Experimented With A Guy

If you are a guy that experimented with a guy, you are not alone, and it is not something that you should be bothered about, because it is completely normal to want to explore one’s sexuality and there’s no reason guys shouldn’t do it.

Many parts of society frown upon guys experimenting with other guys, which is not something that tends to affect women as much, and in fact, women being bicurious or bisexual is much more common than guys experimenting with each other.

One possible reason for this may be that the manliness or gender identity of men is often associated, unfortunately, with their sexual orientation, and they are often taught that if they experiment with other guys, it means that they are lesser somehow, or not “man enough”.

This is extremely unfortunate because one needs to be able to experiment with and explore their sexuality without any worries of what that means for their gender identity, and this is not something that one should be deprived of.

There has also been extensive research on guys experimenting with other guys, and in one such survey it was found that the stigma against men experimenting with other men is so harsh that about 63% of women say that they wouldn’t even date a man who had sex with another man, while the opposite is not true, and most men said that they would gladly date a woman who had experimented with other women, which shows how accepted female homosexuality and sexual fluidity are.

Something else that most guy who have experimented with other guys might want to know is how interested men are in sex with other men, and most men want to know if other straight men just as curious as women but are being held back by shame over desire, or are women indeed the more sexually fluid gender.

Ritch C. Savins Williams, who wrote the book Mostly Straight, says, “I know of no evidence that shows that men are less likely than women to have an ‘experimental phase, I do believe men are less likely to report it to researchers, on surveys, or to their friends and families due, in part, to the ‘homohysteria’ that pervades our culture.”

Savin-Williams has done extensive research on the concept of men experimenting with other men, and he says that men are just as curious in same-sex experimentation as women, and says that if men were “allowed” to engage in such behavior, more would do so without a doubt.

He adds, “I do believe there is a subset of straight men who are fascinated by penises and they might well have sex with a man for that reason.”

Another study from 2017 proves this point that Savin-Williams makes, and in this study it was found tht men who usually identified as straight, have also sought casual sex with men online and it was seen that they were primarily attracted to women, but they did not have a problem with experimentation, contrary to the popular belief that men are rigidly straight.

What if your partner can’t accept that you experimented with men?

Many men don’t experiment because of what their partner will think about them, or whether they will even be able to sustain a relationship with their partner after they have experimented with another guy.

As mentioned previously, 63% of women say they wouldn’t date a guy, which means that for men who are primarily attracted to women, the motivation to experiment even though they want to may get reduced because they feel that they won’t be desirable to women anymore.

First of all, kudos to you for being open and honest in sharing information about your sexual history with your partner. These topics can be very challenging to bring up, but you plowed through anyway and have maintained an open, honest, and patient stance in the face of her worries. Your concerns about her ongoing reactions are valid, but by understanding both your own feelings and her feelings, you can determine the next best steps for your relationship.

The important thing to understand when your partner is not able to accept that you experimented with other guys, is how do you feel about how she views your past or when gives you a weird look when you talk about your experimentation? 

If you feel like you don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t understand, you will recognize those feelings when the partner responds in a negative way, and this can help guide your response and possibly spark a meaningful discussion. 

If your partner is having trouble dealing with the idea of you experimenting with another guy, the healthy thing to do is also to clarify with her exactly what’s behind her concern because sometimes the partner may be concerned that you may leave her for a man or they may feel discomfort with a certain sexual act, but in most cases it may be a combination of these factors, the important thing to work through this is to talk to your partner.

Once you have heard her concerns you can tailor your approach to the conversation in ways that best address them like if she is concerned about you being gay and possibly leaving her for another man eventually, you can tell her that it was just a phase and that you don’t feel the same kind of attraction towards men as you do women.

It may also help to alleviate her fears about you leaving her by showing her research of how common it is for men to seek sexual intimacy with other men but not be attracted to them, and this may help her feel better, especially if she is someone who responds to facts and figures or rational thinking.

You may find that when you give your partner an adequate explanation of sexual orientation, your identity, and your behavior, it may often help her accept your past, but if she is staunchly against it on moral grounds or in a way that spells that she is perhaps a little homophobic, then you might want to consider looking for a different partner.

“I experimented with a guy”: Real Men Share Their Experiences

Looking at experiences of real men who have experimented with other guys can be quite liberating for those that want to do it but are too scared, and it can give some solace to the ones who have experimented but someone is making them feel badly about it.

Here are some experiences of guys who have experimented with other guys:

“Jerked off with a friend.

It was in high school. I was spending the night at my friend’s house. It was a sweltering summer night, so my friend and I were in just our boxers, hanging out in his back house.

Indecent content somehow comes on TV (I can’t remember if he put it in a DVD or what). We’re just talking about the girls and next thing I know my friend is obviously hard and rubbing himself. I start to do it too. In a matter of minutes we’re both jerking off on the couch next to each other. He cums really fast and I immediately feel awkward. I finally end up cumming…into a sock. It was weird because we just acted like nothing happened. He turned off the TV and we started playing Mario Kart. Never talked about it again and we were friends for years.”

“A while back I was in Iraq, and as deployments go, it wasn’t too bad. It’s just I was 19 and excited to do things . After a few months it was getting to the point where I couldn’t contain it anymore. I went into one of the nasty latrines to rub one off. If you’ve never been in a portajohn in Iraq in 120+degree weather trying to play with yourself, you’re really not missing much. But so I’m choking my chicken and there’s a knock on the door saying hurry up. I yell back that I’m beating my meat like it owes me money and to leave me alone. I think that’s it until a few seconds later I hear…

“Hey guys, Docs Spanking his monkey in this shitter!”

About fifteen guys come over and start making sex noises, like the ones your friends make when your on the phone with your mom. It had been a while, so the sounds made me cum pretty quick. I came to fake sex noises made by about 15 adult males.”

“One of my best friends from school was gay. We both like to drink heavily on weekends so when one got too drunk the other would bring them home, make sure they’re good; the typical good friend. It was my turn to be the drunk one and woke up the next morning half clothed as the big spoon to his little spoon. Apparently as he was putting me to bed I insisted on cuddling. Wasn’t even weird the next day, just woke up and proceeded to drink brunch.”

“I made out with my friend in a bar. He was belligerent drunk and talking to some girl and her boyfriend came up with much offense. Thinking quick, he said “no it’s cool I’m gay” and grabbed me as I was walking by and stuck his tongue in my mouth.

Terrible god damn kisser but I haven’t paid for a drink around him in years”

“In high school my friend and my friend put little barbie sized cowboy hats on our erections and had a stand off at high noon.”

More of these responses may be found on this reddit thread.

Conclusion

In this brief guide, we discussed the statement “I experimented with a guy”, and shared some experiences of people who have experimented with other guys and how they felt about it.

While it is very common and much more acceptable for girls to experiment with their sexuality, and it is even something of a trope in many TV shows and movies, it can be very taboo for guys to do the same thing, and bisexuality in men is condemned much more than it is in women.

The reason for this is probably because same-sex relationships of any kind, even if they are merely experimentation or exploration of one’s sexuality, are immediately connected with how manly the guy is or how macho he is, and some people in the society decide that he is not worthy of respect or does not have the same value as others.

This ideology is what makes so many men homophobic to begin with, and it can be extremely problematic for any guy that is even slightly bicurious, because they may not be able to explore that aspect of themselves, leaving them quite unfulfilled sexually.

If you have any more questions or comments or if you relate to the statement “I experimented with a guy”, please feel free to reach out to us.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs): I Experimented With A Guy

Citations

https://goaskalice.columbia.edu/answered-questions/my-girlfriend-cant-get-over-i-experimented-men-0

http://www.newnownext.com/straight-gay-experiment/01/2019/

https://www.buzzfeed.com/sallytamarkin/bromance-but-literally