How to make an INTJ feel loved (A comprehensive guide)

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This blog is a comprehensive guide on how to show an INTJ love. It will outline what an INTJ does not want in a relationship, define an INTJ, and lastly elaborate the characteristics of an INTJ.

Ways to make an INTJ feel loved and special

The following are ways to make an INTJ feel loved:

  • Involve them in your plans
  • Make effort to understand and keep up with their genius
  • Assist them in their projects
  • Tolerate or understand their need to debate concepts and theories
  • Honesty is the best policy
  • Affirmation and encouragement
  • Loyalty and dedication 

Involve them in your plans

INTJs are leaders who love to execute plans and ideas. By involving them in your plans you are acknowledging their ability to lead and their expertise. 

As one of the most confident MBTI types, INTJs appreciate it when their strengths are recognized by loved ones.

Make effort to understand and keep up with their genius

INTJs carry the heavy burden of creating the future of mankind with their original ideas and inventions. And as such, they have complex minds that are often misunderstood. 

A person who takes the time to get to know them, listen to their ideas, and not just judge them as uptight is one they will appreciate. Additionally, they will feel loved when a person makes effort to keep up with their intellectual prowess by asking deep questions and listening to their ideas.

Assist them in their projects

INTJs are always preoccupied with one project or another and often they do this alone. They are perfectionists who want everything done their way. 

As a result, people shy away from working with them to avoid being blasted for making a simple mistake. In as much, as they enjoy and don’t mind working alone, no man is an island. 

If you can be daring enough to offer assistance and not get offended when they are harsh, then they will feel loved. If a person can stick around despite their coldness they will feel valued.

Tolerate or understand their need to debate concepts and theories

INTJs are people who spend a lot of time discussing and arguing with people on various theories and concepts.  They usually argue about deep and abstract ideas like politics, philosophy, natural sciences, and religion.

Due to their emotional insensitiveness, they are unable to tell they may have gone too far and offended the people they are debating with.

Additionally, they are in the habit of challenging and questioning the logic behind the decisions of others. As a result, most people avoid them. A person who can tolerate these levels of argumentativeness and also keep them in check will be much appreciated by the INTJ.

So, if you’re an INTJ’s partner, don’t take their arguments seriously. They’re not upset or angry with you, they are just being an INTJ.

Honesty is the best policy

From a young age, most INTJs have a hard time understanding when someone lies to them about various things. As adults, this translates to them being distrusting. 

People who don’t keep their word or follow through on plans are the most annoying people to the INTJ. Any dishonesty in a system means results cannot be predicted or trusted. 

A relationship is a system, and INTJs need to be able to predict that it will last. Therefore, being honest and transparent with them about everything will communicate love to the INTJ.

Affirmation and encouragement

The INTJ may be one of the most confident personalities on the MBTI and may seem like they do not need affirmation. However, this is not true, INTJs love to be told how smart or amazing they are. 

It boosts their confidence even further and makes them feel supported. Everyone needs a bit of encouragement and praise once in a while, even people who think they are high and mighty like the INTJs.

Loyalty and dedication

INTJs have a sense of personal dedication and loyalty to their partners and are quite committed. When this loyalty and dedication is reciprocated they feel loved and important. 

A person who genuinely plays for their team and cheers them and them alone perfectly is appreciated.

What INTJs do not want in a romantic relationship

INTJs do want the following things in a relationship:

  • A melodramatic and emotional partner constantly demanding attention and explanations
  • A relationship that does not afford them autonomy and freedom
  • A relationship in which they are not the boss and calling all the shots
  • A relationship with a partner who is too slow-witted to understand their theories and has no appreciation for the sciences

The meaning of INTJ

The INTJ (Introverted, Intuitive, Thinking, and Judging) is one of the 16 personality types identified by a personality assessment called the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI)

Sometimes referred to as the “Architect,” or the “Strategist,” people with INTJ personalities are highly analytical, creative, and logical.

INTJ personality traits

 The following are the characteristics of an INTJ:

  • INTJs are dominantly introverted and so they enjoy spending time alone 
  • They dislike teamwork or working with others  
  • They focus on theories over concrete details.
  • They are logical and objective 
  • They are emotionally detached people
  • They are planners and great managers
  • They usually have high expectations and standards of themselves and others
  • They are good listeners
  • They are open to constructive criticism
  • They are very self-confident 
  • They are hard-working and finish everything they start
  • They are not social and usually have very few friends
  • They are explorative of knowledge and concepts
  • They are creative and innovative
  • They are self-motivated and can push themselves to do anything
  • INTJs dislike rules and traditions because they are limitations to progress and improvement


This blog was a comprehensive guide on how to show INTJ love. It outlined what an INTJ does not want in a relationship, defined an INTJ, and lastly elaborated the characteristics of an INTJ.

The following are ways to make an INTJ feel loved:

  • Involve them in your plans
  • Make effort to understand and keep up with their genius
  • Assist them in their projects
  • Tolerate or understand their need to debate concepts and theories
  • Honesty is the best policy
  • Affirmation and encouragement
  • Loyalty and dedication

Thank you for taking the time to read this blog, let us know what you think in the comment section below.

Frequently Asked Questions: How to make an INTJ feel loved

How do INTJs show affection?

INTJs show affection by creating time for their loved ones, buying them nice things, and getting involved in their projects. 

Can I be both INTJ and INTP?

No, you cannot be two different personalities at the same time. Though the INTJ and INTP are very similar they are not the same.

Who INTJs marry?

The INTJ’s natural partner is the ENFP or the ENTP. INTJ’s dominant function of Introverted Intuition is best matched with a partner whose personality is dominated by Extraverted

What are INTJs attracted to?

INTJs are attracted to people who can share their interests with them and get into truly interesting conversations about these passions.

Are INTJs emotionless?

No, INTJs are not emotionless. They have trouble processing them but they are not void of emotion.

Why are INTP so weird?

INTPs are considered to be weird because they have trouble fitting in easily with other people and they are a rare personality type.

Can INTJs be lazy?

Yes, INTJs can also be lazy and slack off sometimes. 


‘Comparison of Insights Discovery System to Myers-Briggs Type Indicator report’, retrieved from

Raya A. Jones, (2013), ‘Jung’s “Psychology with the Psyche” and the Behavioral Sciences’, Behavioral Science (Basel).  Published online 18/07/2013. doi: 10.3390/bs3030408

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