In this blog, we will explore all about ending a friendship with a Borderline Personality, things you need to know, understand borderline personality disorder, and answer frequently asked questions.
How To End A Friendship With A Borderline Personality (BPD)? (Things You Need To Know)
People with BPD face a really tough time regulating their emotions and their friends, family, partners often get tired of being on a rollercoaster of emotions, and sometimes breaking it off with the person seems like the only way to protect oneself.
It can get a little tricky to end a friendship with someone with BPD but you can try to set clear boundaries, enforce those boundaries, let them off the hook as they are not at fault but their BPD is at fault, stay mindful of the present moment, cut off your contact with them, etc.
We will explore how to end the friendship with a borderline personality in detail in the further sections but let us first understand a little about borderline personality disorder.
What is Borderline Personality disorder?
Borderline personality disorder (also known as an emotionally unstable personality disorder) is marked by mood swings, a strong fear of abandonment, and a difficult time creating and maintaining solid relationships.
People who suffer from BPD are more likely to self-harm, engage in dangerous behavior, and contemplate or attempt suicide.
When a friend’s BPD condition reveals itself in the friendship, it can be difficult for those who are unaware of BPD to make sense of their behavior. It might be off-putting to come into contact with someone’s mood swings and intense emotions. For example, they may appear to be difficult or a ‘drama queen,’ but they are actually battling with an important aspect of their BPD diagnosis.
Asking for reassurance regarding the friendship may appear desperate, but it’s only because someone with BPD is terrified of being abandoned.
Self-harm, suicide attempts, and drug and alcohol misuse are frequently (and utterly incorrectly) judged severely, although they are simply part of the hazardous, self-destructive behaviors that persons with BPD are prone to.
Unfortunately, there is still a lot of stigma around personality disorders.
More prevalent mental health issues like anxiety and depression have acquired societal acceptability, but illnesses like BPD and schizophrenia continue to be misunderstood and viewed as frightening or strange.
This stigma makes life difficult for persons who have been diagnosed since they may be hesitant to notify others they have a disease. If your friends are unaware that you have BPD and are unable to recognize the behaviors and worries that come with it, they will have a difficult time understanding what is going on if you have an episode.
While the correct thing to do is to empathize with people who have BPD, it is easier said than done. Sometimes being friends with a borderline personality can be very difficult. In some cases, the best thing to do is to break off the friendship.
How to break off a friendship with a person with Borderline Personality Disorder?
Breaking up with a friend is never easy, and even if BPD isn’t a problem, there are moments in our lives when being friends with a certain person is no longer healthy for us, and we need to draw a line across it and move on; I’ve been on both sides of the fence.
Sometimes this is just a natural part of growing up and heading in a different path than your previous pals, but when being friends with someone becomes tiring and destructive to you, you may have no alternative but to walk away.
It’s difficult enough to accomplish this without the added difficulty of BPD; after all, humans are emotional animals, and it’ll be unpleasant for at least one of you, if not both of you, no matter how hard you try to make it go away…
The issue is, there is no easy way to do this, and while some of them are harsh and written by angry and bitter individuals, the overall idea behind what others have written about terminating friendships/relationships with borderline personalities is actually very accurate.
It has to be direct and tough, with a strict ‘no contact’ rule created and enforced — you want to stop this, so any sign of weakness now will only lead to you backing out and remaining locked in a toxic relationship.
Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind, and after giving it some thought, I believe you just need to remember that you’re trying to save yourself; at the end of the day, regardless of BPD, the reactions of others are not your responsibility and you have no control over them.
It’s not easy for anyone, but even if they’re still in denial about their situation or refuse to take help at first, there are methods to do it securely and respectfully. It requires both guts and compassion, but if you’ve decided to leave, here are nine things that will help:
- Be Ready To Let Them Off The Hook
It’s normal for persons with BPD to be distrustful of other people’s motives. They frequently feel as if they are being attacked or lied to. It can spiral into a terrifying loop in which one person tries to persuade the other of their wish to help, which is pointless because it makes no sense.
The best thing you can do is give them a simple path out without them having to do anything wrong. That preserves one’s dignity and saves one’s face. They require assurance that they are loved and valued, but not at the expense of their sanity or health. It’s possible that you’ll have to reassure them multiple times, but it’s for their own good.
- Pay Attention To Them, But Stand By Yourself
When you break up with someone, you never know what they’ll do when they’re hurt. It’s possible that what they say isn’t accurate, but it doesn’t imply their feelings aren’t genuine. Allow them space and time to process their emotions without retaliating or prolonging the conversation.
It’s a challenging task, but one that must be completed in order to progress. This isn’t for your benefit; it’s for their own.
- Be in the moment without reacting or rejecting it.
Treat them with warmth and care as though nothing has changed after they’ve finally calmed down and come around. This isn’t a quiz. It’s pointless to relive the past or argue about what happened because it no longer matters. The idea is for them to realize how important they are to you and that your love for them is unconditional, even if the relationship is over.
It’s possible you’ll have to say that numerous times, but it’s the only way they’ll comprehend. Otherwise, their concerns will cause them to flee, and you know what happens to those people.
- Don’t remain in touch with them
Forget about the causes behind your breakup. Forget everything you said about taking things to the next level. Allow yourself to let go of your dreams of having a successful relationship with all it involves. You might feel awful about it, especially because they aren’t going to do anything about it.
However, you must keep in mind that this is entirely about them and not about you. If you don’t, they won’t be able to heal, and you won’t be able to either.
- Refrain from acting as their therapist.
Don’t try to persuade them to get assistance if they aren’t ready. That only complicates things for both of you since your emotions become a distraction. It’s a different story if they accept help, but it shouldn’t be a necessity to leave.
Therapy doesn’t always work since it teaches them how to help themselves, which can take a long time to master. Get out while you still have the chance, before the real damage begins.
- Find a Way to Finish What You’re Working On
It’s nearly impossible to reach an understanding with Borderlines, so don’t waste your time trying. To move on with your life, you must emotionally withdraw from them totally. That means no more interaction, even if they’re doing everything right and putting forth a genuine effort to improve.
Inappropriate behavior is their attempt to elicit a response – and it has nothing to do with you because BPDs do not think rationally.
- Protect Yourself
This can mean whatever it means to you, but make no mistake: there will come a time when you must take action to ensure your bodily safety. This could happen long after the relationship has ended or even before it begins, but you are the only one who can manage it.
Never be scared to walk away if you sense the urge to get out of a horrible circumstance. You can’t help someone until they’re ready to help themselves, which normally takes a long time after the relationship has ended.
- Keep reminding yourself that it wasn’t your fault.
This is critical since Borderlines is really good at convincing you that everything is your fault. You may have said or done some things, but none of them justified their treatment of you. It’s time to quit second-guessing yourself, acknowledge that what happened wasn’t your fault, and separate those feelings from who you are as a person.
You never earned any of this animosity, and neither will anyone else. You must no longer feel guilty for attempting to care for yourself!
- Don’t Be Afraid Of Pain
Whether they’re in your life or not, it’ll hurt, but you may lessen the pain by realizing that they were unprepared to handle a real adult relationship. It doesn’t imply that you aren’t valuable. It doesn’t imply they didn’t care about you (or, at least, what little bit of it they were capable of). Everything will work out in the end, and the next relationship will be even better!
If you’re facing this, it may be a good idea to seek the help of a therapist or other mental health professional. You can find a therapist at BetterHelp who can help you learn how to cope and address it.
We provided various helpful tips to break off your friendship with a borderline personality, what borderline personality disorder is, and how to go about the entire process and prioritize yourself.
Frequently asked questions (FAQs): How To End A Friendship With A Borderline Personality (BPD)? (Things You Need To Know)
What does a person with a borderline personality look like?
Intense, unstable emotions and relationships, as well as insecurity and self-doubt, are all symptoms of BPD. Everything about a person feels unstable when they have BPD, including their moods, thinking, conduct, relationships, and occasionally their identity.
What are the nine signs and symptoms of borderline personality disorder (BPD)?
The 9 signs and symptoms of BPD
- Fear of being abandoned.
- Unstable relationships.
- Self-perception is hazy or changing.
- Self-destructive and impulsive behavior.
- Emotional ups and downs
- Feelings of emptiness on a regular basis
- Excessive Anger
Is it possible for borderlines to make friends?
It takes forceful communication skills and a high level of self-awareness to recognize when it’s time to take a step back. If you put in the effort, you can have a long-term, rewarding friendship with someone who has BPD.
Is it possible to grow out of a borderline personality?
Some specialists believe that BPD symptoms fade as people age, either because the symptoms naturally “burn off” or because people just grow out of them. According to studies, the impulsive symptoms of BPD are the ones that are most likely to improve over time.
Is BPD curable?
If you or someone you care about has been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (BPD), the first question you’ll probably ask is if it can be healed. BPD is completely treatable, despite the fact that there is no clear treatment.
What is the best way to deal with someone who has a borderline personality disorder?
The best ways to deal are :
- Patience is required.
- Keep your expectations in check.
- Separate facts from emotions as much as possible.
- Validate your emotions first.
- Actively listen and empathize.
- When emotions start to rise, try to divert your attention.
- Allow yourself to not be a victim of your rage; try to diffuse it, although you may need to walk away at times.