How Do Enneagram 8s Show Love?(A +3 Point Guide)

In this article, we will look at how the type 8 enneagram manages their romantic relationships by describing what good and bad traits they bring to a relationship and how they can improve. The article will also introduce the type 8 enneagram to the audience by outlining its traits, fears and desires. Lastly, the article will also explain how the type 8 enneagram shows love.

The Type 8 Enneagram & Romantic Relationships

The type 8 shows love to their partner by giving them most of their time. They will go out of the way to get back to their partner after a very busy day or long trip to another city or country. They consider their partners very beloved and also quite interesting. Hence, they not only spend time with them but enjoy it as well – they don’t consider it a duty but a way to relax.

Although they may not be very expressive like the typical lovebird is, they find different ways to show that love. They can be supportive in what their partners do; they make sure they have the resources and support to achieve their dreams and fulfill their tasks. Also, they make sure that no one stops their partner from fulfilling their goals – they play the role of a protector to ensure that she is safe and can work her way up the ladder she has chosen for herself.

In the article we will look at these 3 areas that relate to the romantic relationships type 8 enneagrams are involved with:

  • The Good Traits
  • The Bad Traits
  • How To Improve In A Relationship

Before we look at these areas in detail, let us introduce the type 8 enneagram to the readers!

Enneagram Type 8: The Challenger

This enneagram type can be described as confident, confrontational, decisive and assertive as well. They do not hesitate to voice out their opinions or take a stand for what they firmly believe in. Furthermore, these individuals are focused on what they want and will not stop at anything when it comes to achieving their goals or desires.

However, although they are resourceful and generally straightforward people, these enneagram types are affected by their ego and can be dominating when it comes to being around other people. They want to have what it is that makes them feel complete or whole and as we said they will do anything in their power to get it!

At their best, they will be very generous especially because of the number of resources they usually possess and use their power and influence to make the lives of people better. However, they sometimes have issues in controlling their temper and become vulnerable or expose their weak points.

All in all, this enneagram type is indeed ambitious and won’t stop at anything from achieving its goals. This deep desire to be successful and independent is also derived from their fear of being controlled or manipulated by others which is likely to happen if they are not strong or independent enough!

These are the two things that drive the enneagram type 8:

  • The Basic Fear
  • The Basic Desire

The Basic Fear

When it comes to enneagram type 8, their basic fear is to be controlled or manipulated by others to the extent that they end up hurting themselves. They want to be independent and in control of their own lives. What they fear is being exposed or vulnerable so that someone can take advantage of the power or influence they have over the enneagram type 8 individual. 

You can take a look at ‘‘Do Enneagram 8s Get Jealous?

As a result of this fear, they avoid being helpless in situations and try to stand up for themselves all the time – this could be one reason why they ensure they are so resourceful and independent! However, if they are scared enough, they will avoid situations where they feel vulnerable.

The Basic Desire

Of course their basic desire stems from their fear of being controlled! The type 8 enneagram wants to be in control of their own life. They do not want to live in the constant fear that they will be manipulated or influenced by another being! As a person, they want to be able to take decisions for themselves and hence they are passionate about standing up against injustice not only against their own being but that of others! They understand how it feels to be powerless and hence do not want this for anyone else either.

The Type 8 Enneagram & Romantic Relationships

In this section, we will take a closer look at how type 8 enneagrams behave in their romantic relationships while at the same time providing suggestions on how they can improve!

The Good Traits – The Type 8 Enneagram

Here are some of the good traits type 8 enneagrams bring to a relationship!

Open & Honest Discussion

One of the most difficult things to have in a relationship is an open and honest discussion. Not only does it take time to open up to your partner but it requires a lot of courage and the other person needs to be patient. These discussions can be stressful especially if they involve a topic that was associated with a lot of disagreements.

Nonetheless, having open and honest discussions is something the type 8 enneagram is ready to do to keep the relationship going for the long term. They are aware of the fact that problems do arise in a relationship and the last thing they would want to do is stop communication and hence refuse to talk about the topic or problem at hand.

So, if you are in a relationship with this enneagram type, you are indeed in good hands! They will not only engage in honest discussion but help you engage in it too. 

Protecting Their Partner – Emotional & Physical Harm

The type 8 enneagram is well aware of the emotional and physical attachment their partner has to them. They also realize the emotional sufferings of their partner probably from past relationships or family issues or because of their friends. 

Hence, they will make an effort to not only protect but also improve the emotional condition of their partner because they know it matters. These individuals may seem blunt and straightforward but they are very careful even when it comes to fighting with their partner. They will avoid using any sort of threats or insults and most importantly, not let their temper get the better of them.

Valuing Independence

One of the most important things we often forget to do is give our partner the independence they need. It is one area in relationships where we are often not able to find balance and either we totally let go or try to hold on too much!

The type 8 enneagram realizes the balance that needs to be striked and hence gives their partner the independence they need. This way, their partner does not feel suffocated and will feel comfortable in their day to day life while knowing they have their partner in case they need them!

The Bad Traits – The Challengers

In this section, we will look at bad traits the type 8 enneagram brings to the relationship they are in!

Emotionally Vulnerable

Yes, the type8 enneagram is emotionally vulnerable because they get quite attached to the person they are involved with and may even put aside their emotions to cater their needs and insecurities.

Hence, in relationships the type 8 enneagram may be vulnerable to more emotional harm than the average person is.

If you’re facing this, it may be a good idea to seek the help of a therapist or other mental health professional. You can find a therapist at BetterHelp who can help you learn how to cope and address it.

Lack Decision Making

In relationships, the type 8 enneagram often lets their partner make the decisions for them because they not only trust their partner too much but also they want to show their partner how much they are willing to listen to them. This is not advisable in a relationship of any sort because every person has the right to think for themself!

Too Soft When It Comes To Resolving Issues

Out of love and care for their partners, the type 8 enneagram may become somewhat soft in their approach when it comes to problems they need to solve with their partner. They might become soft to the extent they do not consider some problems as problems they usually would! This may allow their partner to get away with behaviours that are totally unacceptable! They might become delusional because they want things to be perfect and take on a better shape and hence they fail to recognize the obstacles that need to be tackled in a firm manner!

How To Improve In A Relationship – Type 8 Enneagrams

Here are ways for an enneagram type 8 to improve in a relationship:

  • Think for themself 
  • Take their own decisions after taking input from their partner
  • Not ignore red flags
  • Set up healthy boundaries
  • Take care of their emotional health too
  • Engage in healthy activities with their partner
  • They should have expectations from their partner too
  • Voice out their concerns & needs

The type 8 enneagram should follow these guidelines when it comes to ensuring not only their partner but they too feel safe and comfortable in a relationship!


This article highlighted the significance of romantic relationships when it comes to type 8 enneagrams by describing how they behave in such relations and how they can improve. The article also introduced the type 8 enneagram to the readers by discussing its major personality traits, fears and desires. Furthermore, the article also highlighted the good and bad traits the type 8 enneagram brings to a relationship. The article also explained how the type 8 enneagram shows love.


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