3 Surprising ESTJ Secrets (A detailed list)

In this brief guide, we will look at 3 amazing ESTJ secrets and other things about ESTJ personality, like if ESTJ is a Bully, some ESTJ famous people and characters, and ESTJ’s emotions and weaknesses.

ESTJ Secrets They Want You to Know

The ESTJ is usually private, despite being so extroverted and being able to work with people, in fact, it may be something of a well-guarded ESTJ secret that they actually feel quite introverted a lot of the time, and even though they can be charismatic and get things done, how they truly feel is known to them only.

​ESTJs are incredibly hardworking and results orientated, which is no secret, but what is not that well known is that they also show the same dedication and devotion to people they associate with, whether it’s those they work with or their family.

ESTJs are often thought of as being exploitative of others in pursuit of the bottom line, but this is rarer than people think, in fact, the average, healthy ESTJ, will make sure they try everything else before they have to resort to unseemly approaches like exploiting people, and they usually do not have to do it, and it is certainly never their first choice.

The secret behind why people seem to think that the ESTj is exploitative and mean is likely because they don’t care when it gets them what they need; while they may not do it on purpose or even when they have other options, if they do have to do it, they’ll get it done without qualms.

ESTJ can also be very blunt and have management skills both in business and family matters and the systems they are a part of usually run smoothly, but at the same time if they are in a non-authority position in a system they can wither on the inside, and a huge ESTJ secret is that lack of power or not being heard can almost near depress them.

At the same time, while ESTJs crave power so much, once they are in that position they may sometimes not listen to others very much, because they feel that they know all the secrets to make the right decisions, so why should they?

What sustains this tendency of the ESTJ is probably the fact that the decisions they make keep turning out well so often, their feeling that they are always right keeps getting reinforced, and no one is ever able to get this secret demystified for them that they could be wrong too.

The ESTJ is known as the executive and this is fairly evident in their function stack, and their function of extraverted thinking enables them to be efficient problem-solvers, which may be the big ESTJ secret to how they are usually so successful.

The last or inferior function in the ESTJ function stack is introverted feeling, responsible for their morals and values-based decision-making processes, and even though it is subconscious, the mature ESTJ will have set beliefs that they will absolutely not let go of no matter what, and they may even somewhat resemble ESTPs in their conviction.

The best thing about the ESTJ, and sadly this is something of an ESTJ secret as well, is that they treat others exactly how they want to be treated, which to them is a sign of respect because they think rather highly of themselves.

ESTJ Secret 1: They can be Very Fun-Loving

This may be the biggest ESTJ secret of all, given what the media and fiction would have you believe about their ruthless tendencies to stamp all over people in their race to the top, but the ESTJ can be very fun-loving and may have a super adventurous side to them.

The ESTJ personality is not always the serious executive towering over people in a board room, they can also be the carefree person running around in the park with their dog, playing catch after a day of hard work.

Just because they work hard does not, by any means, mean that they can’t have fun, and this ESTJ secret, therefore, needs to be dispelled.

ESTJ Secret 2: They are Funny

That image you have of the somber person cracking their whip at their subordinates could not be more wrong, because most ESTJs are nothing like that, and the major ESTJ secret about their humor lies in just how funny they can be and how unique their brand of humor is.

ESTJs are likely to be into very dark humor, and they can be witty and sarcastic; while at the same time they may also enjoy silly humor like puns and dad jokes.

What the ESTJ won’t find funny though, are jokes that offend their values or beliefs, and caricatures based on people who don’t do anything with their lives, and that will never fly well with this personality type.

ESTJ Secret 3: They are very Trustworthy

This should be something of an open secret, ESTJ is very loyal and trustworthy, and family is one of the most important things to them.

Once the ESTJs loyalty has been earned, they will do anything and everything for you, even if they can’t make time for it at that moment or if it is hard towards them somehow.

The ESTJ confidant will never let you down either, and there is nothing too shameful you can tell them that they will judge you for, to them, you are in their circle, and that excuses a whole lot of things for you; short of being a hobo aimless drifter, there’s little you could do that would turn them away from you.

Is ESTJ a Bully?

There are different kinds of ESTJs, obviously, there are some that are healthier than others, and there may be some that have not grown up correctly, and they may be bullies and bully everyone in their circle.

ESTJs who have problematic personalities with narcissism and Machiavellianistic tendencies may sometimes be dictatorial, aggressive, and controlling. 

The ESTJ tends to believe that they know what’s best for everyone and that their way is the best one to go, but the while the healthy ESTJ may state this as a matter of fact and try to use their interpersonal skills to convince people to go their way or show them that their way works better, the unhealthy ESTJ may bully.

The unhealthy ESTJ may often abuse their position of power to bully people under them and make them follow the path the ESTJ has laid out, and they may not even remotely consider the other options or suggestions.

The ESTJ bully also has a moral compass like others, but they tend to suppress it in their need to be followed, and they may in this process often disregard the feelings and values of other people.

The ESTJ may also bully people by steamrolling over everyone in their path and making sure to achieve what they mean to is the only thing that matters.

To get a sense of the kind of bully ESTJ can be, one may look at the character analysis of Tywin Lannister from Game of Thrones.

Tywin Lannister is ruthless and cunning, and he does not care about anything or anyone as much as he does about his goals, which are related to his family name, even though he doesn’t seem to care as much about his children either.

He pursues his goals in a single-minded manner, even sacrificing his children when need be, making sure that his goal and his plan stays in place.

He also shows the typical ESTJ bully tendency in how he treats people he doesn’t like, and it is very telling in the manner he punishes his own son when it seems to him that he is going to be a hindrance to his achievements.

If you’re facing this, it may be a good idea to seek the help of a therapist or other mental health professional. You can find a therapist at BetterHelp who can help you learn how to cope and address it.

ESTJ Emotions

ESTJ is portrayed as a cold dark person who has zero emotions, but this is not entirely true, the ESTJ can be intensely emotional, but they may very often not be able to understand or express their emotions as well.

ESTJ emotions may be expressed in actions and gestures rather than words, like to express the emotion of love they may do things for the loved one, take care of their chores or things they don’t like to do, send them little things that remind them of that person and so on; what they can’t do is talk about how much they love them and use sugary language or make moony eyes.

The ESTJ is often perceived as cold because of the lack of emotional words they use, if they are overwhelmed they may experience anger more so than sadness, and if they are hurt they may lash out more than cry.

Inner emotions are very personal to the ESTJ, and they rarely show their emotions because they don’t like wasting time and they are also certain that no one cares enough.

Lastly, ESTJs may not be outwardly emotional or expressive people, but their family means everything to them, and they will do nearly anything for their loved ones.

ESTJ Weaknesses

Here are some typical ESTJ weaknesses:

  • They have difficulty expressing their emotions even though they feel things very intensely.
  • They can be rather inflexible and not listen to others at all.
  • They can be rigid.
  • They can be condescending.
  • They may sometimes be too serious in their pursuit of goals, which can stress them out.
  • They may sometimes be too harsh on those around them.

ESTJ Famous People 

Famous ESTJ people are given below:

  • Andrew Jackson
  • Bette Davis
  • George W Bush
  • Sam Walton
  • John D. Rockefeller
  • Lyndon B Johnson
  • Elliot Ness
  • William Henry Harrison
  • Michelle Obama
  • Sandra Day O’Connor
  • Sonia Sotomayor
  • Rose Kennedy
  • Douglas MacArthur,
  • Bernard Law Montgomery
  • Saddam Hussein
  • Alec Baldwin
  • Ivanka Trump
  • Megyn Kelly
  • Judge Judy

ESTJ Characters in Fiction

To get a better sense of what an ESTJ personality may be like, you may refer to character studies of any of the following ESTJ characters in fiction.

  • Tywin Lannister (Game of Thrones)
  • Hermione Granger (Harry Potter)
  • Rachel Lynde (Anne of Green Gables)
  • Mycroft Holmes (Sherlock)
  • Martha Jones (Doctor Who)
  • Okoye (Black Panther)
  • Princess Carolyn (Bojack Horseman)
  • Amy Santiago (Brooklyn Nine-Nine)
  • Riley (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)
  • Ezra Spurnrose (Carnival Row)
  • Sarah Jane Smith (Doctor Who)
  • Percy Weasley (Harry Potter)
  • Monica Geller (Friends)
  • Turanga Leela (Futurama)
  • Robb Stark (Game of Thrones)


In this brief guide, we looked at 3 amazing ESTJ secrets and other things about ESTJ personality, like if ESTJ is a Bully, some ESTJ famous people and characters, and ESTJ’s emotions and weaknesses. Please feel free to reach out to us with any questions or comments you have about this topic, or any other MBTI personality type related things.

If you’ve enjoyed ”3 Surprising ESTJ Secrets”, you should take a look at ”ESTJ Animal” too.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs): ESTJ Secrets

Which personality type is the most stubborn?

INFJ is likely to be one of the most stubborn personality types, closely followed by the ESTJ personality, and in some cases, ENTP may also be quite stubborn.

Is Estj controlling?

Unhealthy ESTJs can be somewhat controlling because they want things done a certain way.

ESTJs usually are not controlling but they may appear so because of how determined they are about things.

Who Should an Estj marry?

ESTJ should marry someone with an introverted sensing and extroverted thinking function like an ISTP.

ESTJ could also marry an INTP for a successful relationship due to their complementary functions.

What makes Estj happy?

When people respect their rules and regulations, it makes the ESTJ very happy.

ESTJ is also very happy when they achieve their goals and dreams, and when people around them listen to them and go along with their plans enthusiastically.






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