Enneagram Childhood Messages (A 5 point guide)

In this article, we will look at the childhood messages of each enneagram type. This article also explores the covert messages each enneagram type received in their childhood which influenced their personality.

Enneagram Childhood Messages

Here are the Childhood Messages of each Enneagram type:

• Enneagram Type 1: It’s Not OK To Make Mistakes
• Enneagram Type 2: It’s Not OK To Have Your Own Needs
• Enneagram Type 3: It’s Not OK To Have Your Own Feelings And Identity
• Enneagram Type 4: It’s Not OK To Feel Important
• Enneagram Type 5: It’s Not OK To Feel Comfortable In This World
• Enneagram Type 6: It’s Not OK To Trust Yourself
• Enneagram Type 7: It’s Not OK To Depend On Anyone For Anything
• Enneagram Type 8: It’s Not OK To Feel Vulnerable Or Trust Anyone
• Enneagram Type 9: It’s Not OK To Assert Yourself

Enneagram Type 1: It’s Not OK To Make Mistakes

Enneagram One as children felt harshly criticized, punished, or inadequate. It’s possible that the household rules were incongruent. As a result, they grew preoccupied with being perfect and avoided making mistakes in order to escape being judged. “You should always strive to be better than you really are,” was the main theme.

As children, they felt cut off from the protective figure in their lives. This might have been either the mother or the father, depending on the conditions of their home. This could indicate that the dominant and protective father they expected was really hostile and abusive. It could also mean the parent was preoccupied, unreasonable, stern, or overbearing.

In this way, Enneagram Type Ones who faced hypercriticism, grow up to become hypercritical of themselves.

Enneagram Type 2: It’s Not OK To Have Your Own Needs

These children only experienced love if they were serving or satisfying others; their own needs seemed selfish. As a consequence, they tuned in to others’ needs and wants rather than their own. Love came to be described as the act of giving to others, even when the love was not always returned.

Twos want to be needed by others. This may show in a child by The Two assisting younger siblings with household work or taking on parental responsibilities to make their life easier while also gaining their family’s love and appreciation. They assume that by being responsible and nurturing, they will be able to win the love that most children take for granted.

Enneagram Type 3: It’s Not OK To Have Your Own Feelings And Identity

To the heart of the matter – These children believed that they were only recognized for what they did and how well they did it. Their feelings were dismissed and neglected; all that mattered was their accomplishment and what was demanded of them. Their capacity to love themselves and others was impaired as a result of this. Genuine love was replaced with admiration.

Threes were plagued by the persistent feeling that their true selves were unworthy or insignificant. They subconsciously feared being rejected or abandoned if people realised who they really were. To deflect attention away from their genuine selves, they tried to look beautiful, smile cheerfully, and win prizes or distinctions.

Enneagram Type 4: It’s Not OK To Feel Important

Fours as children felt abandoned by their caregivers. They felt isolated from the source of affection for reasons they couldn’t comprehend. They didn’t feel seen or heard and felt unimportant, and they didn’t feel like their parents. As a response, to deal with abandonment, they retreated inward to their feelings and fantasies.

Fours want to find out who they are because they believe it will help them overcome the melancholy that has plagued them their entire lives.

Many Fours fantasise about meeting someone who will accept them completely for who they are. Because they felt so isolated from their family as children, they want to find that bond in a companion or romantic relationship.

Enneagram Type 5: It’s Not OK To Feel Comfortable In This World

Caregivers did not provide meaningful engagement, feelings, or love to these children. Alternatively, the child may have had a prying, overbearing parent who made them feel judged and powerless in the face of this intrusion. As a response, they erected barriers around themselves and withdrew into their imaginations because it wasn’t okay to feel comfortable in the outside world.

Fives isolate themselves from the outside world as well as their families. They’d shut themselves up in their rooms, looking for a topic or field of knowledge that would allow them to carve out a niche in their families or society. For them, this was a one-of-a-kind field of knowledge.

Enneagram Type 6: It’s Not OK To Trust Yourself

Sixes were reared in an unstable environment with no safe haven. They had lost hope that they would ever be safe. As a result, they resorted to their own internal defence of denying reality and dismissing their own instincts/inner direction and learned to not trust their own selves..

The Six neglected their inner selves in order to gain acceptance from guardian figures. They believe that with enough assistance, they will be able to feel secure and independent. They feel cut off from their own inner wisdom, and in their search for their “tribe,” they might be kind or aggressive. They are fixated on figuring out the “best” course of action.

Enneagram Type 7: It’s Not OK To Depend On Anyone For Anything

These children were either deprived of nurturing or had been taken away too soon. They dealt with this lack by looking for ways to divert themselves from the anxiety and sorrow. They chose to focus on good possibilities and depend on themselves to achieve their goals and feel nurtured.

Sevens learned to cope by concentrating on “temporary objects,” such as toys and hobbies, to fill the hole inside. They picked up on the subliminal message that they had to look after themselves because no one else would. As a result, they’d look for distractions in the form of hobbies, chances, and other activities that would capture their attention and keep them occupied.

Enneagram Type 8: It’s Not OK To Feel Vulnerable Or Trust Anyone

These children frequently grew up in dangerous emotional or physical settings and had to mature far too quickly. They may have felt restrained since they didn’t feel secure to display any sensitivity. Because their vulnerability was utilised against them, they concentrated solely on increasing their toughness.

Because they are often brave and adventurous children, they are frequently reprimanded. To safeguard their minds from these frequent punishments, they resolve to cultivate an attitude of indifference and tenacity. If they had an abusive childhood in some way, they will live in constant fear of rejection and abandonment.

Enneagram Type 9: It’s Not OK To Assert Yourself

To the very core of their being., these children felt worthless or “lost” because they were forgotten or neglected. They were neglected or assaulted for having needs or asserting themselves (particularly anger), so they chose to stay under the radar and concentrate on the needs and problems of others.

Imagine a child wearing headphones and playing games while their parents fought in this other room. They fantasise about happier times, attempt to block out their anxieties and fear, and divert their attention away from their own emotions.

Because they are so close to the people they love, nines have a hard time differentiating their own feelings from those of others. Rather than forging their own unique identity, their parents provide them with a sense of belonging. They appear to have been strangled within their own bodies. They learn to grow numb to pain, to reject their feelings, and to fade away.

If you’re facing this, it may be a good idea to seek the help of a therapist or other mental health professional. You can find a therapist at BetterHelp who can help you learn how to cope and address it.

Conclusion

In this article, we looked at the childhood messages of each enneagram type. This article also explored the covert messages each enneagram type received in their childhood which influenced their personality.

Frequently Asked Questions: Enneagram Childhood Messages

Which Enneagram had the worst childhood?

The Enneagram Eight Child – Rejection of Childhood

Eights had mixed feelings about the nurturing figure in their family as a child (usually the mother, but not always).

What is the most difficult Enneagram type?

Enneagram Type Fours

Type Fours are self-aware, sensitive, and guarded, and they may be the most difficult to comprehend of the Enneagram types. They are acutely sensitive to the feelings, as well as empathic and compassionate toward others’.

How can I help an Enneagram 8 child?

Tips for Parenting an Enneagram Eight Child:

Allow them to work through their emotions and recognise that beneath all of that is an additional element of tenderness and vulnerability. Communicate your feelings, rules, and aspirations to them in an open and honest manner.

Can your Enneagram change from childhood?

No, it’s not true. Most people believe that our personality type patterns are so deeply embedded that they continue to control our experiences across our lives.However, our personalities do change so there might be a chance that our personality type could switch too. Other personality types’ patterns, on the other hand, are experienced and developed by us.

Which Enneagram is prone to depression?

So, depending on their characteristics, which Enneagram personality type is most likely to suffer from depression? It has to be Type Four. For a number of causes, Type 4s are prone to depression. They’re the one type that feels marginalised and needs their distinct personalities to be recognised.

Why is the Enneagram helpful?

The Enneagram, formerly known as the Enneagram of Personality Types, was first developed in the 1900s as a model of the human psyche. Although it can assist you to recognize your attitude, talents, and struggles in life, it can also help us explore how we interact with ourselves, others, and our environment.

What does a healthy Enneagram 5 look like?

Type Five in Brief

Fives are sensitive, perceptive, and inquisitive. They have the ability to reflect and work on the creation of complex concepts and abilities. They will become obsessed with their thoughts and imagined objects while being independent, imaginative, and creative. They become withdrawn, but tense and strong at the same time.

References

Lost and Unconscious Childhood Messages

The Childhood Wounds of Every Enneagram Type