Enneagram 8s & 9s: Relationships (A Guide)

This article will explore the relationships between the type 8 and type 9 enneagrams by analyzing how compatible they are as well as highlighting their general behaviour in relationships and what fears and desires motivate them. Furthermore, the article will talk about the two enneagrams in depth too.

Enneagram 8 & 9 Relationships: Do They Fare Well?

The enneagram types 8 and 9 fare well when it comes to relationships and compatibility because of the strength and stability they bring to the relationship. When it comes to the type 8 enneagram, they are the ones who take the aggressive approach and get things done no matter what. They walk the talk and like to impress others. This settles well with the enneagram type 9 because they appreciate the traits they find attractive and inspiring in others; as far as the type 8 is concerned, the type 9 is indeed impressed with their way of working. Such admiration is what the type 8 enneagram desires from their partner.

Although the type 8 enneagram can be fierce and impulsive in what they set out to achieve, the type 9 enneagram helps calm them down or gives them stability by bringing a sense of calmness, peace and stabilization to the relationship which they type 8 truly needs but may not realize it. They feel comfortable with their partner and appreciate the sense of belonging and stability they derive from them.

They complement each other because they have the traits that the other partner requires or desires. For example, the enneagram 8 helps the type 9 gain the self confidence and assertiveness they need to get through life whereas the type 9 enneagram is a safe haven for the type 8 where they can relax, feel at home and let their guard down and just be their own self.

However, if they do not reciprocate or pay attention to the needs of the other and understand their goals and desires, the type 8 may lose interest in the type 9 while the type 9 will become tired of putting up with the type 8’s reckless nature. Hence, it is important they realize their differences and prioritize the other person’s needs.

In this article, we will introduce both enneagram types and also highlight their fears and desires as well as how they generally behave in relationships.

Enneagram Type 8: The Challenger

This enneagram type can be described as confident, confrontational, decisive and assertive as well. They do not hesitate to voice out their opinions or take a stand for what they firmly believe in. Furthermore, these individuals are focused on what they want and will not stop at anything when it comes to achieving their goals or desires.

However, although they are resourceful and generally straightforward people, these enneagram types are affected by their ego and can be dominating when it comes to being around other people. They want to have what it is that makes them feel complete or whole and as we said they will do anything in their power to get it!

At their best, they will be very generous especially because of the number of resources they usually possess and use their power and influence to make the lives of people better. However, they sometimes have issues in controlling their temper and become vulnerable or expose their weak points.

All in all, this enneagram type is indeed ambitious and won’t stop at anything from achieving its goals. This deep desire to be successful and independent is also derived from their fear of being controlled or manipulated by others which is likely to happen if they are not strong or independent enough!

Enneagram Type 9 – The Peacekeeper

These personalities just want everything to be okay! They desire peace and justice and will do absolutely anything to obtain this. They avoid conflict at any cost and will prefer to stay far away from it due to the suffering and pain it causes as well as the unproductive outcomes that accompany it.

The type 9 enneagram is one that fears loss and separation and they do not want to be in the bad books of anyone. This is why they are generally quite accepting and agreeable because they do not want to clash much with others even if it means not getting their point across or effectively expressing their views and why they support a certain stance!

This enneagram type that is also known as the ‘Peacekeeper’ has a number of strengths. First of all, they can remain calm in most situations and not panic or get frustrated because they recognize conflict and know – or at least choose – how to deal with it! Hence, unlike others, they will prevent the situation from worsening. They are great mediators when it comes to helping two people calm down and end a fight between them; they will help them express their views and encourage them to let go of things wherever they can – they will not add spice to the conflict. Also, this enneagram type can see multiple perspectives because their aim is not to win the conflict but to end it and hence they will do just that even if it means listening to others and their own self.

However, with strengths there are weaknesses too! They have the tendency to minimize problems because they just want to get rid of conflict rather than truly face and solve it. Also, because they do not fully express their true feelings, they may become passive aggressive!

If you’re facing this, it may be a good idea to seek the help of a therapist or other mental health professional. You can find a therapist at BetterHelp who can help you learn how to cope and address it.

Relationships: How Do They Do It?

One of the most difficult things to have in a relationship is an open and honest discussion. Nonetheless, having open and honest discussions is something the type 8 enneagram is ready to do to keep the relationship going for the long term. They are aware of the fact that problems do arise in a relationship and the last thing they would want to do is stop communication and hence refuse to talk about the topic or problem at hand.

The type 8 enneagram is well aware of the emotional and physical attachment their partner has to them. They also realize the emotional sufferings of their partner probably from past relationships or family issues or because of their friends. 

The type 8 enneagram realizes the balance that needs to be striked and hence gives their partner the independence they need. This way, their partner does not feel suffocated and will feel comfortable in their day to day life while knowing they have their partner in case they need them!

Yes, the type 8 enneagram is emotionally vulnerable because they get quite attached to the person they are involved with and may even put aside their emotions to cater their needs and insecurities.

When it comes to type 9 enneagrams, they do well in relationships because they are all about ending conflict and moving on to a fresh start rather than sticking to useless fights. They will often compromise to reach solutions and calm down the other person.

They are good when it comes to handling the explosive nature of the type 8 enneagram because they can remain calm and cool and will allow their partner to vent which they might need to after which they will take up an approach that is focused on solving the issue rather than prolonging it.

However, these enneagrams may allow frustration to build up inside of them because of repeatedly compromising and not expressing how they feel or what they want. Hence, it is necessary they vent out their feelings from time to time! If they do not, it will only lead them to become more angry inside and become distant because they will neither express what they feel or engage in conflict but move away which will eventually lead to the end of the relationship!

Thus communication is very important in this relationship to not only keep it going but ensure the mental well being of both partners.


This article took a look at the two enneagrams under discussion and introduced them as well as their traits and desires and fears to the readers. It also highlighted the compatibility between the type 8 and type 9 enneagrams and advised on how they can improve and sustain their relationship! The article also commented on how these enneagrams behave generally in relationships.





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