Are ENFJs controlling? (the truth)

In this article, we will answer the following question: Are ENFJs controlling as parents or lovers? We will discuss the manipulative character of the ENFJs, and answer more questions about this rare MBTI type.

Are ENFJs controlling?

Truth is, most ENFJs tend to control and manipulate others. This impulse to control is mostly seen in the parent-child relationship. It is usually not easy to be the child of an ENFJ. Because they are very focused on everything that means relationships, ENFJ will seriously monitor the smooth running of things in a family. They can become hyper-protective and dominant. 

They have well-defined ideas about what is good and what is bad. They need to remember to give their children more confidence and more autonomy to grow up healthy. It is not advisable to project their dreams, personal plans on children, influencing their future. An ENFJ must learn to keep these trends in balance.

ENFJ parents will provide their children with a warm, comfortable and lively home. They will always be close to their children with a hug whenever they need it. Their attitude towards children will always be loyal, dignified, positive and full of warmth, closeness.

As in all cases, the ENFJ type, as parents, will have problems with children when they reach puberty. Because they will need more space at this age, they will feel the suffocating protection of the ENFJ parent. 

Later, the children will also feel the manipulative tendency of the ENFJ parent and will ask him about his value system that seems hypocritical at times. For ENFJ parents, the best advice is this: try to control your tendency to manipulate and control your children because it will take them away from you.

Usually, the ENFJ have no other hidden motivations, as they are very well-intentioned about their children. In general, their children remember their parents as supportive, warm, affectionate, even if strict, which helped them achieve their goal in life.

Why are ENFJs controlling?

ENFJs tend to be more reserved in exposing themselves, in talking about themselves than other types of extroverts. However, they have strong personal beliefs that do not stop them from doing anything. Their strongest interest is to be a catalyst for the change of others. That is why he interacts with those around him in a chameleon-like, adapted manner to each type of person so that they feel as comfortable as possible and are encouraged in what they do.

Nonetheless, we cannot say that ENFJ people do not have personal opinions. They have opinions and personal values ​​on which express them concisely and clearly. When there is a conflict between a strong enough personal value and the fact that helps one person, it is very possible to respond rather than the need of the other.

ENFJ people can feel quite alone even being surrounded by people. The feeling of loneliness is accentuated by their tendency not to show the true self. An ENFJ has a strong interest in close, intimate relationships and will do everything it can to create and maintain these relationships.

An ENFJ that has not developed much of its affective, emotional side may have difficulty making good choices and then they end up relying heavily on others in the decision-making process. If their intuitive part is not well developed, they may not be so able to see the options and will analyze things too quickly, relying only on predetermined value systems or social rules without really understanding the current situation. 

If you’re facing this, it may be a good idea to seek the help of a therapist or other mental health professional. You can find a therapist at BetterHelp who can help you learn how to cope and address it.

An ENFJ that has not found its place in the world may be extremely sensitive to criticism and tend to be anxious and feeling guilty. It may also be easy to manipulate and control by others.

In general, those of the ENFJ type are warm, graceful, creative, very pleasant as a company, and have credit in the face of people. This special ability to see the growth potential of others, combined with the gift especially to help people, makes the ENFJ type a really valuable person. 

But they need to remember to value not only others but also themselves and their personal needs!

Are ENFJs controlling as lovers?

In general, the ENFJ is intensely and enthusiastically involved in their relationships with their loved ones, doing everything possible to have a successful, happy relationship. Does this make them take control over how things happen? Maybe…!

Ultimately, ENFJ people look for intimate moments to show their love and care. They are generally interested in the happiness and satisfaction that their partner comes to have around them. Because their greatest satisfaction comes from making others happy, it is possible for them to do very well when they love. 

Like other Judges, it is possible to follow a schedule for intimate moments, risking becoming routine. For ENTJ, the most important aspect of sexuality is the opportunity to show love and affection.

However, the ENFJ will not explicitly ask for such moments, they need sweet words and statements to encourage them. They are easy to satisfy and make happy, compared to other personality types, because their satisfaction comes from making others happy. But they must learn to balance this balance, to learn to verbalize their desires and to probe more into what they would like.

A serious problem for the ENFJ is that they hate everything that looks like a conflict. It is possible to give in in certain situations only in order not to face directly, in order not to reach conflict. But ignoring problems does not lead to solving them.

What type of MBTI is most likely to be controlling?

When we think about controlling tendencies, we should not confuse behavioral/psychological disorders with personality types.

Each MBTI type can be controlling, in their own way, their dominant mode can indicate the way they do it. You could imagine that a person who is more expressive with their emotions (type F), or who is in tune with perception, uses emotional manipulation. A T-type person could use more rational manipulation to direct people.

However, I believe these behaviors are due more to limited life experience, psychological issues (insecurity, narcissism, psychopathy) that are not related to MBTI.

According to some experts, psychopathy is prominent at higher levels of driving because psychopaths desire to accumulate power. This is also a domain known to cater to the natural talents of ENTJ/ESTJ etc. 

So a large number of these people could be ENTJs, but not all of them are psychopaths, and not all psychopaths in senior management positions are ENTJs and not all psychopaths are in senior management positions!

One important factor is probably a person’s willingness to manipulate another person. The morality of habit is against deception, so people who prioritize internal ratings, for the sake of them, and people who don’t prioritize external ratings are probably more likely to be willingly misleading. That gives an advantage to the types of Fi and Inferior Fe.

People are generally motivated by success, so people who are better at manipulating the first time are likely to remain manipulative. Valuations concern people by nature, so chasing them leads to becoming familiar with other people, or with yourself, and by extension through empathy, other people more often than with thinking that also pays attention to things that they are not necessarily related to people.

Extraverted types should have more opportunities to involve the outside world and people in their lives, so extraversion should be related to social skills, which is why I give it to EXTPs.

In honorable mentions, it should be noted that the value of extroversion should help EXTJs bridge the gap created by the EXTJs more natural dominance in the personalized (highest Fi).

ENFJs do stand out in the MBTI community for strong manipulative streaks. On a conceptual level, it is difficult to say outside of Se and Ne, which is more important, but since ENFJs are able to find people more easily to socialize, and therefore socialize more. and therefore have better social skills -> positive reinforcement -> more manipulative and controlling.

FAQ on Are ENFJs controlling?

Are ENFJs clingy?

Some may perceive ENFJs as clingy, as they are very protective of the people they love. ENFJs like to share everything they have with the ones they care about the most, which sometimes may seem annoying to certain people and perceive them as clingy.

Do ENFJs fall in love easily?

ENFJs tend to fall in love easily and they are usually committed to a single person. When they set their eyes on someone, they usually spend a lot of time pursuing them and trying to make them happy. 

Are ENFJs rare?

ENFJs are among the rarest personality types, comprising only about 2-3% of the population. 

How do ENFJs make decisions?

ENFJs base their decisions on their personal values. They use their Feeling essentially in the outside world, radiating for its heat and energy. They always look for the best of each one and they know how to find it. 

Are ENFJs kind?

The ENFJ profile is a warm, empathetic, sensitive, and responsible person. They are also very sensitive to the emotions, needs, and motivations of others. The ENFJ type does not hesitate to help others reach their potential.




Some do perceive ENFJs as controlling and manipulative. The truth is, most ENFJs tend to control and manipulate others, but that is because they are very protective of the ones that they love. 

Ultimately, ENFJ people look for intimate moments to show their love and care. They are generally interested in the happiness and satisfaction that their partner comes to have around them. Because their greatest satisfaction comes from making others happy, it is possible for them to do very well when they love. 

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